Spiritual Abuse πŸ”ͺπŸ”«πŸ’£

There is no reason to be spiritually attacked there is no excuse. That’s like a rapist saying she asked for it because wore a short skirt. Fuck THAT!

Victims of spiritual/astral abuse will blame themselves. They will say, “I deserve this because I lied when I was 12 years old” or something just as ridiculous. We seek peace and that’s the easiest route than grabbing at air. But we seek NOW. Dwelling on the pasts on shortens our time in becoming the person we wish to be the best versions of ourselves. 

Our capitalist system says “you are not enough!” , so by this product and subscribe to this lifestyle. Spirituality /religion says you are not enough, you didn’t pray enough, you did something bad, some past life bullshit generational curse, that you didn’t meditate enough, that you didn’t eat organic enough. In relationships, we feel like we aren’t pretty enough, or doing enough or have enough money or enough love or trust. 

So it is NO WONDER these astral parasites …. Spiritual abusers go on to say YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. You’re ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, crazy, no body likes you, you have no friends, kill yourself, no money, you are not good at what you do, you don’t know what you are doing, you need our guidance, unlovable, unworthy, you’re an addict, you will never understand, you don’t have knowledge. 

You will never be enough, when you are! 

I am a complete being. I have my own “dark” and own “light”. I grow as needed. Forced “darkness” or this bullshit “dark nigbt of the soul”, is abused pushed by astral parasites. Saying it’s because you did this or that, that YOU weren’t enough is excusing this program and act of spiritual violence. Finding peace and “learning from” the abuse is the gift we give ourselves to cope and to heal. We weave stories of some past life karma, a curse, blame ourselves. “This happened to me because…………….” 

Outside of that we are excusing unseen and intangible abuse. By subscribing to this idea that pain is our greatest teacher, is superficial and more than likely you never been in a full blown psychic attack.
You are saying our current system, all system are fine as is and should operate and function with no change.

This whole you “change your reality” is bullshit. You know how hard I’ve fought?!? All this law of attraction, most people want car, money love. I want the change, justice, peace, safety for all people! 

NOTE: The demon suggested pain and my smoking cigs (cause you devils advocate). Now do I know smoking is bad? Yes. Do I wish to change that? YES. Do I think I should be raped everyday by some demon for going on two years? NO.
Whatever. But I’m the crazy one.

Fuck this demon! 


Crazy Talk: Jelly Monster πŸ‘»πŸ’”

So I can see the effects of the demon, I can feel them, hear them, but I can’t see the actual demon that’s conducting it. 

I believe that many healer are able to remove the effects but not the actual entity. Maybe some can. But none of the ones I went to. 

So, I see this jelly monster (looks like a clear slimmer) that moves around me. I state previously in my blog that, I don’t think this is the entity but the “energy” it sends kinda like and extension of sorts it copies. Its not easy to see but I see it. I think its the same “energy” that screams repeatedly, mimics other peoples voices and music, repeats what I say, the gives me tremors and that can copy cat emotions like anxienty or headache, intense tension, feeling ill, being high. Prolly other things too like images/vision. Almost like AI intelligence toy, but its not the main and I feel like its being controlled. 

Today I was wondering HOW did the entity pull off things like knowing when my ex (false/ twin flame) was going to call, or what song he was going to send me, when the cat took my chair and I wasn’t in the room. And a few other “prediction” or plain old’ nosiness. 

Either way. My assumption is that this jelly monster was being nosey with my ex or attached to my ex. Something maybe like that. And that’s how it copied his voice and knew info. Some people call it “attachment cords” this one looks like a clear jelly vibrating blob thing that moves around at medium speed in and out of vision some times sparkles if its close by like on my head. But then I’m like how the fuck did the jelly monster get to the edge of Brooklyn? Like it legit floated 20 miles?

πŸ’©πŸ‡πŸŠπŸš†πŸš„πŸš…β“‚πŸšˆπŸš•πŸš˜πŸšœπŸš βœˆβ›΅πŸš€πŸšβ‰

I hope my ex wasn’t harmed in any way. In the beginning I did so many “cord cutting meditations” because I just wanted whatever this was gone. I blamed my ex, i did. But I kept away from him so this demon wouldn’t make another game out of it. I’m pretty sure he is OK and doing fine. But if he went through a fraction what I went/ going through….. I am so sorry, even though none of this was my fault. I never sent ANYTHING to him in any way. Only trying to get through my own heart ache to move on.

Either way. That’s my theory of the jelly monster I have been seeing floating around the house or stuck in the bathroom. 

Crazy shit right? πŸ™

God……….  Why did I have to get the crazy one? 

I feel like I need a blunt and I don’t even like smoking. 🌴

Talking Anonymous πŸ’‹

I have a problem y’all. 

I can’t stop talking to this demon. I’ve mentally cussed this demon out going on two years in January. It was the only way to protect myself. 

I’ve befriended and betrayed in the same day over and over and over.

Always having a come back, always smacking down the lies got me this far, which is alive and not utterly delusional. I was able to defend myself from falling into yet another rabbit hole when the other rabbit hole finally made no sense.

But I can’t stop, before it would “mind control” and “suggest thoughts” (the next thing to say) through flashes images or “subconscious”. It still does. Maybe not as much as it use to. But it did. But I still can’t seem to stop talking to it…   Or responding.

I’ve gone a couple of days to with out but end up breaking my silence emotionally. 

Now when I talk to an actual human, I’m like jibber jabbering them to death just happy not to be telepathically communicating some psycho demon.

I can meditate, I can be quiet. But I still can’t seem to stop defending myself and talking to this demon. 

And the meds.. .. My friend said I shouldn’t take meds…. But I want it to stop. But there are so many mixed reviews on meds and time span they took to work. Meds seem like the only way to stop communications for now but I don’t want to stay on them. But then I don’t want to be opening Pandoras box if I stop taking them as well. 

Thieves in the Temple πŸ‘‘

If God wasn’t a loving and forgiving God do you think that these evil things would exist?

For whatever reason all creations exist as is ….. And have the choice and opportunity to evolve past its “nature”. 

What we currently think is our nature is conditioning. We could be living in caves…. But we have “evolved” to houses. But some how racism and sexism and sexual violence ect is just seems SO FAR past our reachability over the say million years.

It is the same as these Entities. I’ve said this before. If God wanted to wipe out these Entities with the snap of a cosmic finger God could. If they are from the firery pits of hell,. .  .. Then why are they here, or how do they have access to humans? Maybe these were lies we were told. Maybe humans were told this lie to keep them from committing “crimes” or “sin”. Sin is only relative to the human experience. So what laws do “Entities” have to abide by? Cause they seem pretty lawless to me. 

Clearly everything exists with in its nature. And to some extent I have accept that these Entities exist with in their own nature. Not something I personally want to observe. But I am currently forced to watch. I do NOT have to accept them as my own nature unless they choose to actually do so. And that is a major deception that human beings must evolve past. Understanding what is true human nature and what is not. 

I would assume that Entities have the same opportunity to evolve with the limits of “free will”. That is a choice they must make for themselves individually and as a whole.

I have many thieves in my temple. Telling me I’M the thief, when humans are innately self preserving. Whatever it is that they are here for, it is not theirs to have.

Maybe I’m too logical for this world. 

You Are Welcome πŸ™

I was practicing a Chi breathing technique on YouTube that a friend sent to me.

I noticed some blocks and add ons but whatever I always notice.

Either way, it talked about creating chi and then bringing it back into the body.

I rememered a moment when this all first started happening and my chest extending out past my shoulders felt like I was opened up. That’s when I first started to feel like I was dying.

I didn’t feel much in my center now, just this tender heart. I figured the entity took all my chi, that’s why all I can do right now is sleep, eat cookies and cry about the world.

The guy talking in the video said that we are “the most powerful free energy devices on the planet”.

So I immediately told the Entity, “you are welcome….” And I meant it. I wasn’t being sarcastic as usual. It was a gift.

I figured that I gave (well it took) my energy to this Entity. I just don’t know how to reve my chi back up yet……

…… Wonder if instead of scaring the shit out of me, disrespecting me, violating, if other entity beings whatever where to be upfront? Maybe we could live peacefully. 

Entity would be like, “Yo I really need this chi, I will make it quick.”

They won’t and… Maybe can’t tell me who or what they are. Maybe I’m too peace loving and just feel like if we just put the truth out there it would easier for all of us and work something out. 

Who knows, maybe I would be like “sure homie, you can have some of this chi love!” And i would just go wipe some more up later.

I can give with out receiving. But I don’t know I just need a bit of honesty.

Who knows maybe chi doesn’t even exists. Maybe I am pulling this out of my ass. Maybe they don’t need all this brain electric goodness or this golden chi.

All I know is, there has to be a better way.


Crazy Talks: What I See πŸ‘€

Just jotting down some notes.

I don’t see this on anyone else but myself.

There are two very distinct things I see other than the visions. I see the these circle dots that can divide into multipuls. And I see this vibrating heat wave looking thing that moves in and out of me. Think like a clear slimmer from ghost busters. 

So I was commenting on a post to a lady that says she can remove implants and the slimmer thing shot out of my stomach and my stomach/ back area vibrated trembled and I could see it moving around outside of me. 

Noe occasionally I during the day will get headaches or I will feel the pressure on my head and I will hear almost like a distant train tremble vibration. I think this vibrating clear thing is the pressure I feel on my head, the anxiety, its like its the ….. Emotion and sensation maker. I don’t know if it is a separate entity or controlled. My guess it is controlled. 

Now the circle dot thing seems to be the visions/ dreams/ hallucinations/ Logo maker. But I’m not sure to what extent it morphs and uses light. If I pinch the corners of my eyes I see a circle of light in each corner. Not sure if this is bad or good. But I’m sure it plays its part. I have literally seen visions (waking dreams) fade away into almost a logo (a simple none color emoji vision), I have also seems dreams fade as well. 

So I see this dot thing that was never there before as the cause of the visions. And this energy slimmer thing as the cause of the sensations I feel. 
After it jumped out of my stomach it went for GUESS WHERE you guys??!?? My VAGINA! Of course! My vagina! I felt it go there after it shot out.

I’m really over this Scooby doo mystery. Seriously. 

The Lie (awakening) πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š

If you are lucky enough to fully believe and stick to a path such as this concept of awakening , ascension, even psychology and it works GREAT!

I have seen many videos in the beginning on awakening where people say part of “awakening” is having “subconscious material” come up for “healing”.

Subconscious “material” is many things feelings, what we have seen, heard ect. Events in our life, usually painful ones. Never the good ones really. They call this “the dark night of the soul”.

But subconscious material can also be manipulated and I HOPE TO GOD you know yourself well enough not to be tricked………. Like I was.

See we intake information maybe prior to drawing a conclusion or judgment. I look at my cat, white with some spots, perched on the table meowing at me. This quick second of observation I maybe thought of how cute he looks and then wonder if he is hungry. Maybe I go over to him and pet him. With the Entities, a judgment (probably the worst one you can think of) is inserted before you even had the pleasure allowing your thoughts to unfold. Let’s just say the Entity “suggests” push him off the table”. This can happen by a knowing (no words), saying (actually explained) or in a vision of you engaging in the scenario prior to doing it. I choose to give the cat a cute head kiss. 😊

Its like playing a beautiful song on the piano and someone comes in and keeps hitting that last low note DUN DUN DUN over and over again into oblivion.

If you know yourself well enough you know this is not you. You know the “song” your soul sings and yes you could accept when you may have hit the wrong note (a metaphor for negative thinking, mistakes) ….. But this is way beyond hitting the wrong note. This is intentional.

The intentionality of the experience is the only thing that keeps me from accepting it as purely “my brain” is schizo. The intentionality of hitting on the same at 3 topics (notes) over and over again while trying to find ways to take over the song or stop it all together…… control ….. makes it difficult to feel like this is simply my brain.

My “brain” has a roll in this, just as my body, and anything I observe, as do my “mind”. But who or what is facilitating this joke of an experience, that has probably taken lives, I have no idea.

I can’t trust what I see. That being the visions are pointless, they aren’t real, shit even my memories are skewed. So these visions are only used to scare me. Then there is the “seeing energy”, I cant say they are real either, but I see them. The sensations/emotions are mimicked but that’s like saying coke cola is the same as champagne. Decaf to expresso. They aren’t the same.

So Guru’s are out here telling people its YOUR  subconscious material….. Because…….. What? Too scary to know you got some gross entity thing playing the shit out of you? I mean makes sense, could make you go mad, or even more mad.

Jung’s shadow work I would assumes is used to assist you in being sure of where you stand with things in our lives. So that if a day like this ever comes you will not be easily suade or duped.

Its the intentional interpretation (or misinterpretation) OF the subconscious material and sensory intake that got me wondering.


Disclaimer: I am in no way telling people to abuse drugs. Read at your own discretion. 


“Diphenhydramine is an antihistamine used to relieve symptoms of allergy, hay fever, and the common cold. These symptoms include rash, itching, watery eyes, itchy eyes/nose/throat, cough, runny nose, and sneezing. It is also used to prevent and treat nausea, vomiting and dizziness caused by motion sickness.

So for about two months I have been using a cocktail of 4 ZzzQuil (to go to sleep) and 4 benadryl (to stay asleep). Only as needed for the rough days. I have used the benadryl in the past and it has helped with going to sleep. It works. But there is something about the ZzzQuil that makes this Entity flip. Like it gets stupid and I’m just sitting there watching/listening able to function as normal. 

Most days I would eventually fall asleep, but last night the Entity kept me more in… Almost like a “black out”, I was consciously aware of the Entity speaking or tactics to keep me in that odd place between conscious and dreams. So I just popped up kinda upset went to the bathroom and then gave sleeping another go. 

I’m not interested in the dream state, I’m interested in the last few cycles of deep sleep. I slept aight, BUT there was a huge difference in both the volume as well as the effects OF the Entity as I had noticed before.

I guess that’s maybe why anti-psychotics make you sleepy (if they work at all).

Who knew Demonic Alien Entity voices were like a common cold?!

Funny enough when the Entity first started playing with me it kept saying “Achoo” to the point I didn’t even want to say “bless you” to anyone. I guess they love irony. And I’m definitely allergic to bullshit that’s a definite. 

I have not been fully liberated from this Entity as of yet. I am baffled that deep sleep and common cold medicine would help in alieviating the intensity. That along with meditation (awareness of the body), stretching out any “energies” in the body,  and not falling for any of the bullshit (mental and emotional pains).

The Entity can still “suggest” thoughts, images, zap, replay loops grabbing for straws as a way to look for something to exploit. But I don’t feel like there is a rod stabbing through my brain and the volume is way lower. Still a lot of head pressure but enough to notice the difference.

I will always fight, even though I make look, sound, feel depressed because of the cosmic trash I will always fight.

If someone does end up trying. Please use discretion according to your body and current health conditions. Also let me know if there any changes for you.

I’m looking to detox soon. I was wondering if I have to be lazy and unhealthy to rid myself of this thing. I’m almost afraid to loose weight again, the Entity has always attacked when I was at this strange cross roads of transitioning (loosing weight, job loose, end of relationship, moving etc). 

But I know better now and hopefully before the winter I can start detoxing my organs and being more acting once this pointless pressure is off my head.

Woke and slept on.

The P a i n πŸ˜’

Today I want to address the physical pain of this experience. Be it psychosis (tactile hallucinations) or “spiritual awakening”. 

Outside of the the emotional and mental pain of seeing sick, scary, random, indescribable images. Outside of the pain of loosing stuff, relationships, jobs….. Maybe even faith.

This physically hurts. Many of the symptoms fit what “targeted individuals” describe. But its a bit more.

  • Buzzing, zapping, snapping, electrocutions, pricking sensations mostly oh head and genitals.
  • Extreme pressure on head, ears/ headaches that Tylenol wont fix. 
  • Choking sensation.
  • Involuntary movements.
  • Tension in body (probably from stress).
  • Sensations of abuse. (Rape, punched in eye, shoved, choked, being shot in the head ect)
  • Body trembles/knocking inside the body (not quite a seizure)

There are other sensations (some would be deemed as even pleasurable, say that feeling when someone touches your head gently) but these are the major consistent ones and I lump even the pleasurable one in with it. 

When I am going to sleep and I hear an incoherent voice (outside of the 3 I am use to), it actually hurts and jolts me out of my sleep.

I have had flashes of bright light that feel like they singe my skin.

Genitals burned.

Random bouts of “anxiety” feels like a rock is in my chest and or my chest (not my heart) is thumping. Walking simply to the store becomes a task as I wade through my own health problems or back pain but then the layer of this other “anxiety” accompanied by an insane voice just makes it that more difficult.

The pressure on my head never leaves. There were maybe 3 moments I can remember full relief and I literally almost collapsed.

Visions at times can feel like I am being smack in the forehead with an image. They hurt. Or my eyes will shift.

There are moments where, its difficult to describe …. Its a light body rumble, but its almost like hearing a helicopter flight over your house. That’s the only way I can describe it and it happens several times a day. 

This shit physically sucks. I know myself… Shit is lame. If I say had a tooth ache…. This entity with turn the pain levels up to maximum for shits and giggles.

Being overly sensitive is painful as well. Sound is not pleasurable anymore, its something I have to be on gaurd for, voices, sudden sounds, a car rolling by all can rock my world at a moments notice. Even if I have relaxed…. Assumed nothing would happen.

It H U R T S! 

Is there a way this can all be measured? There has to be a way to measure pain in the body, so I can prove I’m not making this up. Like can they map my brain while this asshole is talking? My shit must be lit the fuck up.
The entity said while I was writing this: “I don’t care how you loose, I just want you to loose.” Which apparently means die. 

The Ex Factor (Twin Flame)

So while I know for a FACT, that this delusion has nothing to my ex who I thought was my Twin Flame.

I mostly came to the concept of “twin flame”, through first looking up if I was hypnotized secretly, then stumbled upon the whole idea of narcissist and empathy relationship. I didn’t feel like myself in the relationship…  I felt a rage I never felt before. I didn’t feel pretty to him, these were micro ways. Like calling women on TV hot but never me. At times I only felt like a fill in for sex until he found someone else. 

There were many other micro reasons. But for the most part I had come out of a long loving relationship prior, and so when I was met with these emotional hurdles I became enraged because I thought they were tests or mind games. Why would you have sex with someone you didn’t find attractive?

I have mentioned this before in my blog, but “the voice” entity pretended to be my ex twin flame. And later acted as telepathy, quietly saying “I love you” and when I approuch my ex about this he had no idea of what in was talking about. From there it was a spiral, at first I rejected “my feeling” but soon accepted that maybe this was a love I didn’t understand. And from there it got worse.

Once I realized that no I was not Isis and no my ex was not going by the name Osiris to work on telepathy between us, the Entity acted as an angel said “what do you want?” I said nothing as it guided me prior to say. It asked me all day, house, car, money…..  So I finally said a big house just so it would leave me alone, and it said “who would want a house in this economy? what about ….. (Your ex’s name)” . so then I said fine whatever to make it stop. And then it turned into a nightmare about my ex making bets on me loosing more weight while he was in a relationship with someone else. (There is more to it but essentially it was fucked up).

Currently, I know for a FACT this is not direct telepathy with my ex. My ex has nothing to do with other than being a typical male I dated. I know my ex is not a prize for enduring this bullshit. I am pretty neutral in my feelings for my ex. The only thing is his involvement in “the story” enforced by the entity to make me feel bad. I have no interest in thinking about my ex at this level. 

And yet, the Entity insists on flashing images of him. Or how do I say this…. I guess tries to string me along as if my ex IS in fact a prize and we will get married. But the intesity of belief is not mine and i often find myself taking a deep breath to just get through it. It actually physically hurts when this Entity enforces these feelings for my ex. My head hurts, chest hurts, I’m annoyed. I don’t know to explain it. 

But at the same time the Entity says he is with another woman who is hotter than me and will be with her. Trying to makes it seem like I’m still obsessed with him and I’m not. I’m tired of talking about him. I have no idea what’s happening in his life. I haven’t seen him in almost two years and haven’t spoken to him in over a year, which I normally stay friends with you ex’s and I had to block him because of the entity. I’m constantly tormented about this past relationship to no end for no reason. 

Its annoying. I can’t even date cause this is all making me feel like shit. 

The formal psychological term would be Erotomania in which an individual “believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger. Erotomanic delusions often occur in patients with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders, but can also occur during a manic episode in the context of bipolar I disorder. During an erotomanic delusion, the patient believes that a secret admirer is declaring his or her affection for the patient, often by special glances, signals, telepathy, or messages through the media.”

In my case or in the Twin Flame case, its a bit of the opposite. Yes you believe there is a special connection, BUT you also feel that the person is hiding their true feelings for you and you must endure suffering or you haven’t met them yet. “The runner/chaser”, “narc/empath” relationship dynamic.

So, on behalf of many who have had the misfortune of a “Twin Flame” experience, and to those who make money off of heartbreak, grief and insecurity in the spiritual community. I invite you take a good look at that description. 

What are you selling people?

Twin Flame Activation? Hm?

Its like 80’s soul mates wasn’t enough, we had to take it step further in the delusional realm of psychosis in the millinia. 

I can see both the psychological and spiritual aspects of MANY of these experiences fairly quickly, but not the scientific, not the how or even why. Just what.

I can among, race, religion, mythologies, beliefs, conspiracy theories, class, sex gender, mental health, psychology, environmental, science a WIDE ASPECT, of how we are all a bit delusional (possibly via entities). And then there is THE DEPTH, to what extent do we believes these things? 

Enough to kill, oppress, misguide, profit?

Or was the the ways in which we built simple structures in the world then taken WAY OUT OF HAND, and we are sitting here running in circles trying to find a truth or impose it.

Contradictions 😊.