Spiritual Abuse πŸ”ͺπŸ”«πŸ’£

There is no reason to be spiritually attacked there is no excuse. That’s like a rapist saying she asked for it because wore a short skirt. Fuck THAT!

Victims of spiritual/astral abuse will blame themselves. They will say, “I deserve this because I lied when I was 12 years old” or something just as ridiculous. We seek peace and that’s the easiest route than grabbing at air. But we seek NOW. Dwelling on the pasts on shortens our time in becoming the person we wish to be the best versions of ourselves. 

Our capitalist system says “you are not enough!” , so by this product and subscribe to this lifestyle. Spirituality /religion says you are not enough, you didn’t pray enough, you did something bad, some past life bullshit generational curse, that you didn’t meditate enough, that you didn’t eat organic enough. In relationships, we feel like we aren’t pretty enough, or doing enough or have enough money or enough love or trust. 

So it is NO WONDER these astral parasites …. Spiritual abusers go on to say YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. You’re ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, crazy, no body likes you, you have no friends, kill yourself, no money, you are not good at what you do, you don’t know what you are doing, you need our guidance, unlovable, unworthy, you’re an addict, you will never understand, you don’t have knowledge. 

You will never be enough, when you are! 

I am a complete being. I have my own “dark” and own “light”. I grow as needed. Forced “darkness” or this bullshit “dark nigbt of the soul”, is abused pushed by astral parasites. Saying it’s because you did this or that, that YOU weren’t enough is excusing this program and act of spiritual violence. Finding peace and “learning from” the abuse is the gift we give ourselves to cope and to heal. We weave stories of some past life karma, a curse, blame ourselves. “This happened to me because…………….” 

Outside of that we are excusing unseen and intangible abuse. By subscribing to this idea that pain is our greatest teacher, is superficial and more than likely you never been in a full blown psychic attack.
You are saying our current system, all system are fine as is and should operate and function with no change.

This whole you “change your reality” is bullshit. You know how hard I’ve fought?!? All this law of attraction, most people want car, money love. I want the change, justice, peace, safety for all people! 

NOTE: The demon suggested pain and my smoking cigs (cause you devils advocate). Now do I know smoking is bad? Yes. Do I wish to change that? YES. Do I think I should be raped everyday by some demon for going on two years? NO.
Whatever. But I’m the crazy one.

Fuck this demon! 

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Crazy Talk: Jelly Monster πŸ‘»πŸ’”

So I can see the effects of the demon, I can feel them, hear them, but I can’t see the actual demon that’s conducting it. 

I believe that many healer are able to remove the effects but not the actual entity. Maybe some can. But none of the ones I went to. 

So, I see this jelly monster (looks like a clear slimmer) that moves around me. I state previously in my blog that, I don’t think this is the entity but the “energy” it sends kinda like and extension of sorts it copies. Its not easy to see but I see it. I think its the same “energy” that screams repeatedly, mimics other peoples voices and music, repeats what I say, the gives me tremors and that can copy cat emotions like anxienty or headache, intense tension, feeling ill, being high. Prolly other things too like images/vision. Almost like AI intelligence toy, but its not the main and I feel like its being controlled. 

Today I was wondering HOW did the entity pull off things like knowing when my ex (false/ twin flame) was going to call, or what song he was going to send me, when the cat took my chair and I wasn’t in the room. And a few other “prediction” or plain old’ nosiness. 

Either way. My assumption is that this jelly monster was being nosey with my ex or attached to my ex. Something maybe like that. And that’s how it copied his voice and knew info. Some people call it “attachment cords” this one looks like a clear jelly vibrating blob thing that moves around at medium speed in and out of vision some times sparkles if its close by like on my head. But then I’m like how the fuck did the jelly monster get to the edge of Brooklyn? Like it legit floated 20 miles?

πŸ’©πŸ‡πŸŠπŸš†πŸš„πŸš…β“‚πŸšˆπŸš•πŸš˜πŸšœπŸš βœˆβ›΅πŸš€πŸšβ‰

I hope my ex wasn’t harmed in any way. In the beginning I did so many “cord cutting meditations” because I just wanted whatever this was gone. I blamed my ex, i did. But I kept away from him so this demon wouldn’t make another game out of it. I’m pretty sure he is OK and doing fine. But if he went through a fraction what I went/ going through….. I am so sorry, even though none of this was my fault. I never sent ANYTHING to him in any way. Only trying to get through my own heart ache to move on.

Either way. That’s my theory of the jelly monster I have been seeing floating around the house or stuck in the bathroom. 

Crazy shit right? πŸ™

God……….  Why did I have to get the crazy one? 

I feel like I need a blunt and I don’t even like smoking. 🌴

The Fuckery 😩😩

So this is the type of fuckery I keep getting. 

Prior to this, this person told me I “pissed off the illuniati”, and prior to that said i “was taking night classes in heaven”. 

Another healer told me I “was dealing with guilt and shame of being a healer”, then in the next session said “this is a curse passed down from my father because someone on his side generations back was in a cult”. She also said she removed it. I have yet to see any changes. 

The person above also said they removed “it”. Other readers prior to there told me it was “black magick sent from my ex (twin flame)”, then said it was a negative soul tie with him and he was a false twin flame. 

The demon said to me directly that I was contracted to “commit suicide for my ex (twin flame) by means of child molestation” (visions of child abuse basically trying to force me into suicide). 

SO. This is the type of fuckery I am dealing with. These are the so called healers and psychics are telling me vs what the demon is doing. 

I’m tired and broke. And not one as made this stop.

I’ve been told sooooo many different stories as to WHY this is happening even by the same people, let alone different people. 

I mean these people are over here telling me this story and that story. And I can hear these Demons and they can’t tell me directly but can make up some absurd story to tell a healer, psychic, magic dude, angel light worker, shaman, akashic record reader, demonologist, so THEY can feel complete and accomplished…. Not me.

I’m right here! So what’s the point of telling errybody else different stories?

What’s the fucking point. 

1111 is a Curse

As someone who started see the “wake up call” 1111 around 2011 and was already involved in my own lives mission, I have come to believe that 1111 is a delusional curse and less of some spiritual psychic phenomenon.

I am sure many have found this to be a pleasant experience for themselves, but I have not.

There is a sense of mind control through both beliefs and experience. I while we may entertain this “idea” of having angels with us or developing abilities never really sure…. We are also falling victim to a delusion that which seeks to control the minds of those who question or are simply naive.

Maybe its generational not in the sense of my family but the generation of the masses. Those living at this time.

All I know is that my life was needlessly upheaved and mocked by Entities beyond my full perception. There is no reason as much as I would like to reconcile. 

All it seems to take is seeing the numbers to then do this dance through bullshit information on the internet of 1111, twin flames, black magic, aliens archons, angels, and whatever else lies on the outskirts of fake news.

Maybe it popped up on your timeline feed and you read it as entertainment….. Maybe you applied twin flame to yourself just to get over a break up. Maybe you were told to make a wish at 11:11 if you saw it. But soon these ideas fanatasy becomes a delusion of sorts, facilitated by the curse of the world. 

I can’t name it. Demons, aliens, “angels”.

All I do know is that it is bullshit. A distraction that will over power your life if you got that kinda time to waste.

You can choose to keep your belief and story… Which if experienced is yours. Or you can choose to drop it. Dropping the story is …. Uncharted territory. There is no guided message. Its scary as fuck. Nothing applies to you. Nothing is reflected but past memories of how you got here.

Its up to you.

Lightworkers Victimizing Victims

So someone added me to a few “light worker healer groups” on Facebook.

The fuckery I have observed from many of the people who claim to be light workers is sub par. I in no way claim to be a light worker FYI. At best I simply was looking for answers…. At most sharing and trying to be an ear for other people to know they are not alone.

Many of these light workers will pounce on anyone who is “negative” saying 

  • “You are not a real light worker!”
  • “you are not of the light”
  • “You are too negative/toxic!”
  • “You just want attention”

The list can go on and on and on. What most see as attention seeking and negative. I see as a cry for help. One guy who claims to to be a “light worker” interjected in my comment to a poster who claimed he hated his life. His English wasn’t amazing and I understood what he was feeling. I get it. The “light worker” called me an idiot and went on calling me names because I responded to the poster. And told him life does suck and you’re not alone, but I need you stay strong. 

These “light workers” who believe they are ordain by some Arch Angel to go around blessing people like they are Jesus Christ is fucked up. It’s an ego trap.

And while the same can go for the “Shadow Side” from those who believe they have been bestowed with great knowledge by from random ass God of the underworld cause they read fucking emerald tablets…. Need to check themselves as well. When they go about threatening people online “you really don’t know who you are messing with!” Like gonna send some voodoo. Why would you send voodoo over an online spat?

If ANY of y’all were that big and bad then why hasnt anyone really stopped some of the terrible things happening in the world.

Like all I see is egos. And its exhausting. And no one seems to know shit. And we use the light or the dark to exert control over someone or a situation. To feel justified in out petty judgments. 

Its like who is level headed enough to like chill?

The same person who is thinks they are talking to Arch Angel Micheal will be the first to chalk me up to schizophrenic when i am am honest and their “light magic” doesn’t work. Really? Wouldn’t you sense that was the case from the begining and not take my money?

There are people who are deeply hurting in this world. Various reason. Countless. Some don’t even know why. Any time someone expresses themselves that doesnt make these light workers feel good. Then you are automatically labeled as “of the dark”.

I have both experienced and seen “light workers” victimize victims. Don’t get me wrong I’m a straight forward kind of person. I don’t need fluffy language. And maybe I am expecting to much from “light workers” who claim to be apart of that compassionate life. 

But shit y’all.

I have been fighting every day of my life the best way I know how. And I have people over here telling me I haven’t taken enough salt baths…. Or eaten enough fruits…. Or prayed enough…. Or this was my fault… From some past life I know nothing about. That there IS a reason. When I am neck deep in it and have yet to find a justifiable reason for me OR many of our people.

Victimizing people who are attacked spiritually….. Is fucked up. Taking their money to chalk it up to depression is fucked up. Feeding them some bullshit past life story is fuck up. And watching your ego and face change when you don’t get the gratification of “helping” someone so you dismiss them like trash IS FUCKED UP.

No wonder I chose an alien as my alter ego. 

I will never understand this world. 

Lightworkers Victimizing Victims

So someone added me to a few “light worker healer groups” on Facebook.

The fuckery I have observed from many of the people who claim to be light workers is sub par. I in no way claim to be a light worker FYI. At best I simply was looking for answers…. At most sharing and trying to be an ear for other people to know they are not alone.

Many of these light workers will pounce on anyone who is “negative” saying 

  • “You are not a real light worker!”
  • “you are not of the light”
  • “You are too negative/toxic!”
  • “You just want attention”

The list can go on and on and on. What most see as attention seeking and negative. I see as a cry for help. One guy who claims to to be a “light worker” interjected in my comment to a poster who claimed he hated his life. His English wasn’t amazing and I understood what he was feeling. I get it. The “light worker” called me an idiot and went on calling me names because I responded to the poster. And told him life does suck and you’re not alone, but I need you stay strong. 

These “light workers” who believe they are ordain by some Arch Angel to go around blessing people like they are Jesus Christ is fucked up. It’s an ego trap.

And while the same can go for the “Shadow Side” from those who believe they have been bestowed with great knowledge by some random ass God of the underworld cause they read fucking emerald tablets…. Need to check themselves as well. When they go about threatening people online “you really don’t know who you are messing with!” Like they are gonna send some voodoo. Why would you send voodoo over an online spat?

If ANY of y’all were that big and bad then why hasnt anyone really stopped some of the terrible things happening in the world?

Like all I see is egos. And its exhausting. And no one seems to know shit. And we use the light or the dark to exert control over someone or a situation. To feel justified in out petty judgments. 

Its like who is level headed enough to like chill?

The same person who is thinks they are talking to Arch Angel Micheal will be the first to chalk me up to schizophrenic when i am am honest and their “light magic” doesn’t work. Really? Wouldn’t you sense that was the case from the begining and not take my money?

There are people who are deeply hurting in this world. Various reason. Countless. Some don’t even know why. Any time someone expresses themselves, that doesnt make these light workers “empaths” feel good. Then you are automatically labeled as “of the dark”.

I have both experienced and seen “light workers” victimize victims. Don’t get me wrong I’m a straight forward kind of person. I don’t need fluffy language. And maybe I am expecting to much from “light workers” who claim to be apart of that compassionate life. 

But shit y’all.

I have been fighting every day of my life the best way I know how. And I have people over here telling me I haven’t taken enough salt baths…. Or eaten enough fruits…. Or prayed enough…. Or this was my fault… From some past life I know nothing about. That there IS a reason. When I am neck deep in it and have yet to find a justifiable reason for me OR many of our people.

Victimizing people who are attacked spiritually….. Is fucked up. Taking their money to chalk it up to depression is fucked up. Feeding them some bullshit past life story is fuck up. And watching your ego and face change when you don’t get the gratification of “helping” someone so you dismiss them like trash IS FUCKED UP.

No wonder I chose an alien as my alter ego. 

I will never understand this world. 

Illusion of Seperation

So!

Do not mistake “the voice with in” for channeling. Do not mistake your magic for the magician.

Often I believe that visuals of how we receive information. Stories, mythology, religious/ spiritual material, what people tell us, anything really.

How we receive this information may not be as intended. I mean the words are there. How its applied or filed in our system is another thing. 

We know our intentions. For the most part. 😞

Yea Yea Yea all is one. Ebb and flow. We effect each other. I get it. 

But in the spiritual community there are A LOT of imagery! We hold on to these in one form or another. 

For instance. “The voice with in” … “Your magic is with in” “contacting your “higher self””.

Why on earth would you be seperared? Fractured? Lost to find pieces of yourself in some dimensional hierarchy. 

What that is saying is that YOU are not perfectly made. Sitting with yourself means talking to yourself or something else… Some other part of you thats just been waiting for you to meditate?

No. 

People out here thinking they connecting with some divine God or Goddess, promise you that’s a big NAH. Promise you it ain’t your loved one that passed on. Anything will step in and give you comfort, meaning, a direction ….. For the mean time.

A lot of these concepts have this underlying tone that YOU …. YOURSELF aren’t able to make decisions for yourself…  Because you are separated. 

And if you think that….. promise something else will step in and start making those decisions or reconciliations for you.

I made that mistake. Not consciously. I wanted to know WHY did I feel different! Not myself! And it was because I wasn’t. I was being prepped, to be taken control of. 

You are not some little whispering voice deep down inside of you. You are not separated from yourself in anyway…. In this sense that the “higher self” is something to obtain through hours of meditation. It is making the best decisions for yourself/others. And being OK with and accountable for that. 

Now I mean for me…. As someone who has an “entity attachment” that has basically said it was every god, goddess, demon, alien, spirit guid, entity, cartoon character, loved ones passed and alive, even my fucking cat….. Anything under the sun. I can see where sitting down and shaking these “entities” off so you breathe and make a decision not based in anxiety. I get it. 

But please do not mistake your own guidence, your own feelings, your own true and whole authentic self….. For anything out here wanting to take control of your life. 

So lets groumd some of these concepts back into reality. Fuck that blue guy crumbling and being “rebirthed”. Fuck that orange and blue twin flame photo about divine love cause love does look like some flaming bird people. Its messy.

Believe me its easy to get caught up in the story. It could be anything. But don’t let anything catch YOU!

Authenticity and Healing

1. I am not sure it was an implanted belief or not. But at some point I had this…. Idea that I am suppose to pray and wait for this Entity/ Demon thing to leave. 

Some days I would just walk around chit chatting with this thing like we are besties letting it drain me of my energy. And then it shows me an image of child abuse or does something gross or rapes me in my sleep. And then I go back on my quest to get rid of it.

I’m tired and very confused at this point.

So I had to get rid of this guilt about looking for a solution for my own healing. That I looked outside my faith in God it was dark magic. 

Not all methods or concepts of healing or protection I fully understand. So there are some ideas that go against my belief or experience.

I finally came to my own conclusion…. Whatever this thing is….  Entity, alien, demon, djinn……  Why would God want me to sit there and take it and not fight back anyway I can? Why I sit here and act like this thing is my friend when really its draining my life force, showing me sick shit and using Gods name to control me. Why would God be upset that I tried to find healing, understand it or create it?

2. Being as I have researched this Entity Attachment from EVERY possible angle and belief system…. Its been difficult to figure out what mode of healing works best. I’ve tried many. I’m also upset that people took my money with out ever really helping. But it’s not that simple it seems. And I feel like I have to fully understand energy, mysticism and healing for myself to get rid of this thing.

I mean I’ve studied herbs and nutrition, as well as financial and community health….. But now spiritual health it seems like I will have to dive into. I’m strong enough in myself. I think………… Its just this attachment will make it difficult to really study. I can barely read anymore ….  That’s why I write. 

I’m sick of being bullied and defenseless.

3. My experiences don’t always corelate with a single “belief system” or knowledge base. So figuring out what something REALLY is …. Can be tricky. But I also like understanding how or what it may corelate with OTHER belief systems as well.

Example: I see flashes of light/ sparkles. 

Belief #1: your angels are around you.

Belief #2: your auric field is being attacked by an entity.

Belief #3: your eyes/brain needs to be checked. Retina damage or floaters.

Belief #4: ascension upgrades/ coming into your “gifts”.

These are all different and kind of conflictibg. I am sure there are even more beliefs around this one experience…. But finding what is true at least for me. And while I have found so many half truths…. I haven’t found any whole truths just yet.

(I’m being choked into tears as I write this right now) What are the importance of tears anyway? I try to stop. I hate crying now because it doesn’t feel like a release anymore it feels like manipulation. 

4. Maintaining authenticity. In one group…. Someone is telling me I need to stop drinking coffee…. Stop doing this or that…. Don’t listen to certain music…. Surrender…. Don’t be at meat, Just wait it out….. “You are going through a storm to recieve your blessing type amen”…… Like I don’t know y’all. 

I have to be myself. I like coffee, cigarettes, listening to Flatbush Zombies and I’m pissed off. If course I want to better myself! But its just doesn’t feel right just stripping my life of everything I enjoy…. And sitting here and waiting it out. That is no different than this Entity. 

I have to re learn what works for me …. Considering my life circumstance right now (ie. Entity and watching my twin sister). 

But my priority is healing and removing this entity because I think he got confused somewhere down the line.

Just trying to stay grounded…. But also open. 

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

Whole Lotta Nothing

I’ve researched, ascension, awakening, kundalini, Ifa, witchcraft, curses, magic, psychology, self help, twin flame, gods/ goddesses, chakras, diminsions, 3d/4d/5d, matrix, aliens, incubus, demons, angels, spirits, tree of life, christianity, crystals, herbs, grids, energy, soul ties, entities, ect ect ect….. 

And I still don’t know what’s going on with me. I still don’t know why I lost everything. I still don’t know why this entity is attached to me or how. I don’t feel anymore enlightened just a bunch of information I have no idea what to do with… or may or may not apply to my own healing in this moment. I still don’t know what the fuck 5d is…. idk if I’m even a twin flame even though I’ve had all the symptoms. 

All my beliefs are in question. And while I believe firmly in God, is “energy” just spirit play? Spirits are one hell of a drug!

I can question. Yet I haven’t found any answers or solutions.

Where’s the light at the end of the tunnel? Where’s the enlightenment?  Ascension?  Love? Light? Gifts? 

If anything I feel my natrual born gifts were taken away. Where’s my inheritance?

Do we fight for nothing ?