Sister Sister: Headache (and energy work) 👭

So i am just making a note that my sister is having a really bad head ache and was not feeling well for no reason today.

I havent had head pressure all day. I also had a guy my friend recommended to me do some “energy work” I said sure why not since it was free. And now im wondering if the Entity just jumped to my sister cause she is not looking so good.

If it was removed aimlessly with out transmuting it so it doesnt jump, then thats not energy work and is dangerous. This is a perfect example why! My twin sister is super sensitive since she had the stroke in 2016 (the same time I became schizophrenic). She took one step outside today and said she could not do it and she NEVER says things like that. She said the sun was too bright and she felt like she was going to fall and felt dizzy. Light sensitivity (as well as touch and sound smell) can all be signs of entity attachments.

So now i am fucking scared for my sister. I actually didnt make the connection until much later cause i still heard the voices and just assumed the guys energy work didnt work. But he might have removed the headache. But i have noticed that some healers remove the smaller ones (say the migraine one) and not the main entities (the one orchestrating the whole thing) during sessions which is usually pointless.

So its like either I suffer with a burning migraine from hell or worry that my family members are being attacked by these demons in one way or another. The migraine on is a really a doozy tho. Like you dont want to do NOTHING AT ALL!

I mean there is the possibility that it all could be a coincidence. Or they are just playing a game with me today to see if i get all rilled up.

I HATE THIS!

What I See June 2019

Not a very catchy title of blog post but i guess i dont understand why others dont see what i see.

Like they are really all in the house and on my family memebers. I can understand them not hearing or maybe not being harrassed by them. But i dont understand not seeing them.

Ok maybe every one in my family has pretty bad eye sight so that could be a factor. Idk. But not my best friend and her house is cover in them too.

When they move they almost sound like a fuse being blown or a match being lit. So like i can even HEAR them moving. And at times hear a low rumble for the larger ones moving.

So I am just trying to understand why me. If they are on everyone why me?

I remember whrn i was with my ex i joking asked what would he want his super power to be? And he said time. I said omnipotency. Lol only cause im a nerd and curious about everything. I DID NOT MEAN THIS! im just wading through lies. Its just super frustrating.

Its like the joke about the “tree of knowlege” is that you DONT actually get to have “knowlege like God” like the serpent said. lie detector teat determined THAT WAS A LIE. You just experience good and evil. You do t evem KNOW how it truly happens. But if adam and eve were in the garden with the serpent (satan=evil) they already had to have been good and evil there. Maybe i need to brush up on that concept a bit more.

Either way….. People put here like to fashion themselves Gods and they are not. I just feel like im going in circles. I just feellike i have allthese puzzel pieces and they kind of make sense and thrn they don’t. Or not for sure. Or they make sense to me but i dont have much confirmation from anyone else that im not totally off my rocker about what i am seeing. I just know what i see emits EMF radiation with the app thays the only confirmation i have gotten. I have had a lot of confirmation on what i hear. But not on what i see. So i wonder why.

idk.

Sex and Suffering 💔

After my break up with my ex (false twin flame) in the summer of 2015. I tried dating to get over him maybe 6 months later. But every date I went on ended up turning into sex even though i didnt want it to. And i didnt know how to say no.

In my head….. We would talk all night, maybe make out, eat some good food. But it would quickly become sexual and i would blame myself for being there in the first place and i didnt want to be disliked or for the situation to turn ugly like it has the other times i had said no (rape). Being a people pleaser sucks some times. I did this about 3 or 4 times thinking each time would different. But it wasnt.

I felt like things were spiraling out of control. I mean i had this break up with my ex, i had this energy of obsessesion which i didnt feel connected to and it was driving me crazy cause it was like being split in two. I didn’t want to feel this feeling of obsession that i never felt before. I wanted it to stop. So i did what i would normal do. Move on. But i kept being met with the dudes that just wanted to hook up and i didnt know how to navigate.

In December of 2015 i hung out with with MMA fighter dude, he seemed cool. But i did hear a voice say “SHE SUCKING KARMAS DICK NOW!” as MMA guy walked into the other room (so i didnt see him say it). I thought he was talking about an ex or something. But i didnt make a big deal out of it. So on New Years 2016 he asked me to hang out but i realized this once i met him this was after he had already hung out with his friends and got lit. And that was a bit of a turn off. We made out and he asked me to call him “pappi”which im not latinx and not my thing and then wanted me to go down on him, which i did hestitantly and he knew i wasnt into because he said why was i looking at him like that. It was because i was disappointed.

I will also be honest and i am ashamed to say that i thought in hindsight that engaging in sex would prolong my stay after traveled all the way out to see this person and after he said he was tired, i knew that was my que to leave. So i realized it was the voices that said “shes sucming Karmas dick now!” But they dont always make sense but then they do in a strange fucked up way.

After that day i was over it. I was tired of being used….. I wasnt getting what ibwant which was a solid relationship with someone who respected, cared and loved me. And so i made a choice to be celibate.

Then my world started to crumble.

The voices became more predominant. My dad had a really scary heart surgery, my gay uncle died out of no where, my twin sister had a stroke. It was woa. And the voices were pretending to be telepathy with my ex (false twin flame). And i was loosing it all. Complete reality melt down.

Then the voices kept saying “wait for A(ex)” (relationship/sex) and another would say “for the rest of you life!”. They would make it seem likecwe were going to get back sometime and othertime like we would never get back together.

The voices would ask “would say dont ask for anything!” And i thought this was telepathy with my ex. But then a female voice came in a bunch of time and asked ” what do you want? A house, a car, money?” After saying “nothing” hundreds of times i said a house, because my dumb ass thought that my ex and i family could live together in a nice big house. But mainly i wanted to stopped being asked this question over and over again. And a male voice said “who would want a house in this economy?!”. A female voice said “don’t you mean you want A(ex) ?!”. I thought i had answered the question wrong. I thought it was suppose to be him and not something material. Idk. So i said FINE my ex!

Thats when everything went down hill. The voices acted as my ex and his roommate or best friend (female voice) interchangeably. “My ex” (the demon voices) would force me to have orgasms randomly through the day. His friends harrassed me, tortured me in ways i didnt know was possible. Screamed all day. Cursed at me. Called me all sorts of names. Burning my vagina, giving me migraines that felt like brain aneurysms, at night my body would feel like it was floating, i mean i could go on and on and onhow i was torture. They would say he was with some one new and prettier than me. And I just could not understand why he was toying with me and doing the orgasms and sex stuff. It felt wrong. So i asked to stop and they wouldnt.

It wasn’t until i denounced the twin flame did things started to get even worse. The visions went from harassing to abusive. Andcshowing images of child sexual abuse. Even my ex abusing children from my job. I mean it was BAD. Lime really fucking bad. To the point i has to quit my job. And they were calling me a “child molester” and saying i was now suffering “in the place of my father” (who was wrongfully accused of molesting me). All the while they were raping me. After i quit my job i said well now im now i cant be a child molester cause there are children to molest (being facetious). Boy was that a bad idea. Then they kept showing me sick images and i called them pedos and then they started calling me a pedo! 😓 fucking hate my entire life. Seriously.

So after about 9 months of celibacy and tripping balls, loosing everything, being psychically attackedin ways i didnt even know was possible. I decided needed an adult sexual relationship cause i was really getting sick of the pedo shit and it was scaring me.

In October of 2016 started dating this one guy out in jersey. I told him inwas in a fragile state because i had a mental break down. I still didnt understand it fully. I mean i still dont most days. I told him i wanted to hold off of on having sex. We went on a few dates karaoke and nice dinners. And indecised to go to his house deep in Jersey. Again i told him i didnt want to have sex before hand. Affection and kissing and spending time with each other is fine. But before you know it i literally turned around for a moment and turned back around anf he was completely naked begging me to go down on him. And again i didnt know what to do. I should have known better AGAIN. I thought telling him ahead of time that my boundary would be respected. And i was in the middle of bumbba nowhere new jersey with no real way out till the next day.

We dated for 4 weeks and he planned the “Sweetest Day” which is celebrated on the 3rd Saturday of October and is kind of like a Valentines Day. The week before i was having really bad psychosis and it took a toll on me physically so i didnt have the energy to make it all the way out to Jersey. Then the next week was the sweetest day. But my grandma passed away. And he had thr NERVE to get mad at me. Like really actually raising his voice and stressing me out mad at me for canceling plans (not last minute either). So after that i was done for a while.

Also the voices kept saying “i cant wait for “great day”(my grandma catch phrase)” or “for the shoe to drop” meaning she was going to pass. I chose not to believe them cause everyone said they feed of of fear abd sadness. But they got me. They told the future AGAIN.

Either way i tried dating a schiz guy in December thinking he would be more sensitive that DID NOT go well either. He actually smacked me in my face during sex and then denied the whole thing. Also the voices were involving themselves in my sex life saying “yea i like it like that” and being gross as usual.

I mean they quickly bypassed the crazy and really sticking to this disgusting for a while now.

SO after ALL THAT HOT MESS I was celibate for two years 2017/2018. All the while hunkering down and just sutting through the rape and molestation and burns and abuse and sick visions and scary hallucinations and fatigue….. Electrocution ….. You name it. I cant even name all the abuse.

Then after two years i wanted to just talk to someone …… And thought i would JUST TALK to talk. Buti met a military guy who i thought i could have something special with. He seemed kind and really understanding that i had schizophrenia and talked about how he wanted me to have his babies. And so i thought THIS TIME introduce him to my family. And we dated for a few weeks. I thought this one was going to be long lasting from the way he talked to me. And then when i went to his house i wanted to but after 3 times having sex he just ghosted.

So no matter how i tried to do things different it doesnt matter it just keeps being a waste of time. I just wanted someone to hold me through all of this scary shit and tell me its ok. And love me and tell me im beautiful when the voices tell me im ugly.

All these guys were such a waste of time and i feel like such an idiot. And i really wish inwould have known better. And i wish i could take it all back and said NO and just had the courage to walk out. Because nothing amounted to anything.

Now i am back on my celibacy tip. Since like a month ago from military dude. And idk. Kust writing it out. I secretly want someone to be there but it is not worth the risk at this point. I just figured the voices WANT(ed) me to be alone and isolated so they can rape me and wouldnt cultivate love in my life. To be honest.

But im kot doing that either way. So its useless.

Whatever. 💔

Furies: Demons of Vengance

So I was watching Once Upon a Time and they talked about a Fury demon that takes a life for another.

I never noticed the picture but it looked very similar to the Demon here that I see occasionally. I assume its female because of the long hair that’s always whipping around but that’s not necessarily true.

I always reference this as a Banshee or an Original Fairy. Either way I unsure what the vengeance part is for because I have never screwed anyone over. If anything I always got the shit end of the stick and I always did the work within myself to to eventually forgive and let it go. 

This is the shit end of a stick I received yet.

Cause I feel more and more clueless. 

One girl in my schiz Facebook group drew a picture of the exact same thing I see and it that demon kept asking “where is my child?”, I also had similar delusions with the voices saying “you will never be a mother!”. 

But that doesn’t bring any more clarity as to why this particular demon is here and or how to get rid of it. 

I thought it was cleared in the soul clearing work I was doing but apparently they just cycle through taking turns.

Do these Fury demons work for reptilians harvesting human souls or light or spiritual energy so they may live longer? 

Trick you into going mad and finally taking your life! 

————————————

In Greek and Roman mythology, the Furies were female spirits of justice and vengeance. They were also called theErinyes (angry ones). Known especially for pursuing people who had murdered family members, the Furies punished their victims by driving them mad. When not punishing wrongdoers on earth, they lived in the underworld and tortured the damned. The Furies could also appear as storm clouds or swarms of insects.

Read more: http://www.mythencyclopedia.com/Fi-Go/Furies.html#ixzz5320xRn8B

Am I a Prism? 💎

So people are so obsessed with being “the light” or light workers or having light bodies.

I had a white light mist and a dark light fill my body in ways very few could ever imagine. It has been so painful.

I wondered that maybe instead of “being light” I was just clear as fuck. I was or am a prism for both dark (false) and white light to penetrate through. Maybe.

Maybe I am just clear. Like a shiny crystal or diamond or glass.

Whatever just wondering . No delusions just wonder conceptually about what’s happening to me.

Imaginary Friend 🍃👻🍃

I had some “the gruge” like or alien raptor visuals in the begining ….. But I laughed at them …. So oddly my visuals are not AS strong although I have like floating emojis around the house which are odd and visions of child abuse or which is terrifying or random photos of people. 

I guess I am more stern because of the auditory …. Speaking creates more of a relationship. So it’s like one moment the voices would have me crying from saying moms gonna die, then sucidial from a sick visual of child sexual abuse and then trying manipulate me back into a friendly demeanor by making jokes or saying they love me. I realized this was a cycle of abuse. 

The Reconciliation /Honeymoon phase is “The victim feels pain, fear, humiliation, disrespect, confusion, and may mistakenly feel responsible. Characterized by affection, apology, or, alternatively, ignoring the incident, this phase marks an apparent end of violence, with assurances that it will never happen again, or that the abuser will do his or her best to change.” 

The first time I was introduced to this was when my best friend in high school told me that her mom would beat her, and then clean her wounds and tell her sorry and it won’t happen again and do it again. I asked my mom if she could live us but she couldn’t. 

Once I found this habitual pattern of abuse…. As much as those funny moments are so important for relief to the constant verbal abuse… To love and not hate…. To laugh….. I sadly had to accept that these voices will never change…. And I can no longer enable their abuse. Nor can I trust any attempt to gain my trust. 

This is called trauma. Not being able to leave a state of constant distrust or being on gaurd…… Physically harms the body in itself as well as how I interact with others. I’m trying to simply be clear and stern about my boundaries rather than be become a full blown narc. But it hurts and its hard because this is NOT my true nature. 

Sans the sick twisted abusive stuff…. I have no problem having an imaginary alien rapture friend that remixes gregorian music, plays air ghost tic tac toe and makes decent jokes given a natrual break in communication and with out pain from them touching me is gone.

Yea…. I am liberal about being crazy.

Copy Cat 🙀🙏 Smiley Face ☺

Above is a photo from a young girl in my schizophrenia group. We originally started speaking about her hallucinations in the group and she seemed so scared I told her to maybe draw them. To kinda face the fears, showing them she is not afraid. 

At first she was like no, but then some weeks later she started drawing them. And I was really proud of her for facing her fears.

She exolained this one is very different than what she normally sees. And I saw the same one again today as well. 

Some weeks ago my friend “sent me energy” and it looked like smiley face and flowers. I wrote about it in the blog. Her energy was very polite. When she brought her energy back to herself I knew. BUT the demonic energy here tried to copy the look of her energy signature and tried to seem like it was her. But know when it is not. There is always a slight difference from hers. Hers is brighter, faster, and moves. This demons is slow and dull and the smile is different. 

Now this girl drawing a version of the demonic version of this energy that I saw today and its making me upset. 1. Because I pray that its not this demon trying to fuck with her or me. 2. I feel like I should not be around ANYONE like I can’t care about anyone, help anyone with out some bullshit.

They asked me to be a moderator in the schiz group. Cause I give a shit about people and I want people to be OK….. But then things like this just makes me feel like shit.

Monster Logos ❤


Not all but many of the “energy”, entities, aliens, archons whatever you want to call them have a … Logo of sorts. I would assume, since they seem to be a hivr mind ad they attach to a humans individuality they long for that same separation. Thus a representation …. A logo of themselves of sorts.

Either way….. Each being…. Yes is individual in a way or for the moment…. And they CAN tether to you to sustain it self itself in whatever form that truly is. 

Just as they tether they can disconnect…. But who wants to find a new victim to learn? 

No I have seen “energy” or Entities that DID NOT connect to me physically and did not force itself to stay in my field or my home. 

I have to keep reminding myself there is a good spiritual world. And just because I have been forced to see this side that doesn’t make me a bad person for trying to understand and not leaving it to prayer alone. The Entities often try to guilt me…. Saying I’m a bad christian or something like that…. Because I donyt leave this to prayer alone. Again, Me, God, Meds. 

One of my friends told me about a story where she was in s parade in Chile and she fainted and then a shaman help her friend carry her to a place and then the shaman blew smoke on her back and pulled out like a teddy bear smoke logo. This teddy bear was a teather from an entity attempting to attach or hide in her. But was removed. 

Just like I had logos #, 👽, X, ❤  of all kinda stuff on arms and body. I can see but I can not remove them.

If I look directly where I know there is an “energy field” portal, alien demon whatever…. It will spew something at me…. It will sparkle maybe black maybe white and then I will see a smaller “portal” near me or a logo on my skin or my third eye. 

When I take photos of my face…. It legit looks like a child scribbled on my forehead. Especially the 3rd. I don’t know how long they last, or if they wash off in a shower… Or what. 

But sorry we want our people to be spiritually OK they need to know this shit good or bad.if you are walking around with a naked lady in your arua masterbating then that’s fucked up. That’s what I saw in this one guys field…. And he knew what I was talking about. I never a full figure before. 

I have no interest in playing with these entities…. Or anyone else for that matter when it comes to this. I seek to be free of the bullshit that is not me. Like this is basic shit. 

Spiritual Bypassing Revisited. 😲😲😲

So spiritual bypassing. 

We are basically saying that if you don’t get almost literally spiritually jumped and cosmically punched in the face that you don’t get the badge of honor of being “inept”. To………… What? 

Do y’all see how we are perpetuating abuse even through our spiritual communities. 

We allow these “spirits” entities to cause harm and then run around thinking its an honor….. And we are enlightened. 

GUYS FUCK THAT!

FUCK THAT TODAY AND TOMORROW AND FOREVER FUCK THAT!

Basically you are enabling cosmic spiritual bullying.

And we are suppose to grow from that?!

Think about how fucking backwards that is? 

Its perpetating abuse.

If someone is in an abusive relationship do you tell them to stay in the relationship and forgive them while they are being beat? 

A lot of these people going around talking about accept the dark and light…. And spiritual bypassing never been raped by some random ass entity and then being told to forgive them. Forgiveness is a process. And protecting ones self is the first step. Abuse stopping is the first step. 

And forgiveness is a choice. 

I’ve always been like this. Ever since school. School is forced… Information forced…. Most of its a lie to perpetuate ignorance. Most of its not useful and most what actually learn and find useful is on the job you are forces to engage in to survive. 

Let’s really rethink the spiritual concepts we spew out. All we are doing is excusing entitities, energies, demons, whatever to play a roll in our lives, and there shouldn’t be any. They made their choice. And they keep making their choice the more you allow them to “punish” or abuse us senselessly which only enables their bad behavior.

Its not a badge of honor….. It’s ignorance. 

🙏

Triggered: Goddess Isis 🐝

As I said before when I was a kid my family gave me a lot of Egyptian stuff. Books, kits, games, writing stuff, art …. going to the museum. So it was something that always stuck with me.

But the Demonic Archon was forcing me to say “I AM Isis” and then called itself Osiris (my ex twin flame) and was raping me and calling me a child molestor and then forcing me to be christian and then trying to force me into suicide (“for my twin flame and dying of molestation”) and just all kinda shit. Just fucked up shit. 

And so like you know shit comes up on Facebook about goddess…. Like whatever …. But it Isis came up a few times today and I feel triggers. Like something that was special to me…. Has been defiled. it just reminds me of rape. That was something my family gave to me.

They rape visions as Isis…. Where fucked up. Like idk.

I don’t know what the point of all of that was or is.

So…. Whatever.