So another aspect to this whole “you’re a child molester” thing, is that once I settled on the fact that my father didn’t do anything to to me (because when this came up I actually started to question it) the voices went on to say I was suffering and being tortured like this to be a mother. 😳 YES gurl! These bastards said this was a test to be a mother. When I went to some bullshit shaman lady here in NYC a white lady practicing Peruvian shamanism (no shade) she asked the spirit Entity why were they harassing me they said showed me a star and a baby.
They then later started harassing me more saying “you will Neeeeeeever be a mother!” All this stuff right? Still playing out and calling me a child molester as well. As well as the twin flame play at me. They threw the whole book at me all at once in a short period of time. Which has its pros and cons. Pros I spent less time peeling the layers of bullshit back and cons it physically took a toll on me to have that much energy sent my way. It was not gentle at all.
As I said in my blog before being queer, marriage and children were never really I guess sight for me. Just love and happiness. Ya know? With a partner. But now I guess switching more to the heteronormative world is that something I’m suppose to take on?
I was always ok with being a really awesome Godmother/Aunty to my Godson. I think every kid needs an adult outside their parents that they can confide in and give them really cool gifts and advice. 😃 My aunty was the coolest of them all. She influenced my taste in culture and arts. Always encouraging my talent in arts and giving me resources to do so. Even buying my art as a kid. Her home was impeccable. So as someone with PCOS and is/was queer, actually having children just was not at the forefront of my mind.
And honestly still isn’t. I mean the only thing I really think about is how can I get rid of these demons and how can I cultivate more joy/ move forward in my life while they are here? That’s really the only things.
So each time I kind of denounced a part of the Entities game play they flipped for something worse. 1. Twin flame, I was the Isis to his Osiris and to wait the rest of my life for my ex to come back and be energetically abused and raped by him? No thank you! 2. Suffer for making my father seem like he sexually abused me at the age of 3 years old and be called a child molester all day long (which he didn’t do and wasn’t my fault)? 👎🏼NOPE that doesn’t make much logical sense on the karma wheel! 3. Be called a child molester, while being raped and shown child porn in my 3rd eye to the brink of suicide as a test to see if I am equipped enough to have a star seed child?! I remember saying NO THANKS having a kid isn’t worth this sick torture please stop! And that’s where I step the fuck out of the New Age forum and go the fuck to “sleep”.
Yeaaaaa……….. the enemy (entity) will flip that script so many times you will not know where you are anymore in life or spiritually.
Just yesterday I had a guy tell me that I had Stockholm syndrome with the Entities. 😞 Gurl! He told me all of this because I told him his energy healing didn’t work. Stockholm syndrome is when you are in love with you captor. I’m not in love in the slightest. I’m not even really intrigued really. I am just using the coping mechanisms that have found that works for me writing and drawing and occasional research and documenting my struggles as a form of activism.
I had like two friends yesterday one by email and my best friend tell me that I need to stop researching and looking for answers and live my life. And I want to. I was minding my own fucking business living my best life when I was attacked on a level you wouldn’t believe. When I say loud I mean they were like concert amp loud in my brain. My brain was fucking HOT. For months!
It’s only this year did things calm down a bit. And as to why I can’t attribute it to one thing. It’s def not the meds or the healing sessions I had. I would say it was my belief system. Or the peeling away the storyline. They still are trying to create a storyline with my best friend. Like us getting into a fight cause they want me not to be around her anymore because I’m more happy andmore social now. But whatever I’m going with the flow I can’t stop shit only how I handle it and document it.