Religion/ Belief: It’s not fair!!!!

So, I have a very complicated view around religion. And I guess DETAILS of a “religious/spiritual” life.

I mean there are one so many different religions. Then on top of that Christianity alone has so many different sects. And it’s like one sect is like don’t eat shellfish and women wear skirts only and the other is like God loves everyone no matter what. And it’s REALLY REALLY CONFUSING!

Like beliefs and religion and spirituality it’s all super confusing. And then I have my beliefs and that is crossed with what I experience (which is being tormented by some demonic entity, acts like demons looks like an alien head on a spiders body 😳 yea FML). Like HOW DO YOU EVER RESOLVE ANY OF THAT?!

Is is demons that look like aliens, is it just disgruntled aliens? Is it occult black magic to make me lose it?

Like religion doesn’t tell you, YO you might encounter a demon that looks like a big headed alien or a fucked up teddy bear and it will try to trick you….. and so many new agey spiritual beliefs are like far out there that many times I just think it’s the crafting of people who have been dipped by these entities. But then that still doesn’t explain them and why they are here or playing with us.

Like seriously my whole belief system is honestly shattered into pieces.

This shaman lady told me that “my masculine side feels hopeless and like no one or nothing can help it” and that is why I am getting attacked and the masculine side is not protecting the feminine and that if “my masculine side BELIEVES that, nothing she does will work”, well that is nice to know $500+ later! Very convenient.

Even when taking these stupid medication, or spending my money on these shamans like all I have is to go on what i have seen play out in the past. But I still engage it because idk what else to do. So there is a part of me that hopes it works, while keeping my expectations low. And a part of me is like, if it’s medical schizophrenia, meds should work regardless if I think it’s some alien demon. And if it’s an spiritual thing, then who ever I go to for help should be able to just pluck these fuckers out whether I believe exactly what they believe or not. Because my EXPERIENCE is different then theirs. Like some distant healing shamans see these things are just colors or shapes, I see them as straight up crazy looking entities because they are all in my face in 3D. Like actually, not just on some “astral travel lucid dreaming tip” like all around me chillin my house like they pay rent.

And God and Jesus is no where to be found. Jesus’ name does not make them run for me. These assholes said they were Jesus when they electrocuted me mean and showed me a vision of a modern looking Latino guy. They think they are funny, I don’t.

These Entities broke my faith.

I’m being honest.

Like why are they able to do what they do to me? To anyone?

Why cant anyone who has “gifts” help me? Why can’t God show ME grace?

I figured no matter what I believe because of my immediate circumstance, that something ….. anything should work. I tried to cover all my bases.

Medication, holding on to faith in God as well as seeking assistance for people who supposedly know more about this stuff then I do.

Like I’m tired of getting raped by demons or whatever the fuck this thing is. And I’m tired of being shunned by all aspects of spiritual beliefs because my experience, which is all I have to go on, doesn’t match up with theirs. I’m tired of waiting on God. I’m tired of seeing these doctors that prescribe me a pill that does absolutely nothing. Like Benadryl does more for me than these antipsychotic meds.

And all these people push this situation back on me. Not that I am pushing it on them, but they always make me feel like it’s my fault or I’m not doing enough. And THAT makes me feel crazy. Just constantly doing and no results. I’m doing the best I can with what I got. Like people are experiencing this all over the world in various degrees mine just happens to suck more because I get raped and molested and these entities drain my energy to the point I pass out or never feel rested even when I sleep for two days.

So like what am I suppose to do? That is why people get paid…. right? They are the expert. If I sat there and tried to prescribe my own self meds then…. what do I look like?

And what’s worse is that this shaman said it’s “my masculine half” that’s going through this and my feminine half is rejecting him. And like this is all happening on a level I have no control over. So it doesn’t matter that I have kept my paths open. Or that there are other possibilities. There is nothing I can do about it.

And then religion just tells you to wait for Gods grace, or that you are a sinner and deserve this. And I’m like HUH? Like even “Gods favorite” was used as an example. Job right? Lost everything? So did he deserve it? Or like is a cancer patient suppose to sit there and just pray the cancer away? Or do you go to treatment?

Like it gets so funky and confusing.

And that is not even going into the hypocrisy of a Christians.

And if grace doesn’t show up in your life, then there is something wrong with you. Not the fact that socioeconomically the world SUCKS, or your body is just not strong enough to fight off whatever, or that accidents/ catastrophes just happen.

And that’s the same thing I am finding with these “healers”, if what they did doesn’t work, there is something wrong with YOU! Not the fact that what they did and took money for didn’t work.

I don’t know I’m close to just being agnostic at this point, cause honestly I don’t know shit. All I know is there is some big head alien spiders fucking with me and trying to ruin my life. That’s all I know for sure. And even that could be an illusion. Maybe they don’t look like aliens maybe they look like giant etheric PUSSIES floating around in the “astral”.

I’m tired of this.

Entities in the Children’s ER

So I’m with my Godson at the children’s ER because he might have the flu that has been going around.

He was sleeping and I was on my phone bullshitting and maybe an hour into the situation I felt something release from my booty (I have been feeling this weird booty energy release for a while now, pause, it’s not a fart, I have also felt this same release on my upper back/shoulder and it’s been on my right side. So a lot of pain and pressure on the left a lot of releasing on the right). So this happened and I forgot OH YEA IM DEMONICALLY OPPRESSED!

So I scanned the room to see what was up and there were the energy fields of entities on his bed and the empty baby bed in the room.

Once it saw that I saw it it shot into my right eye. But I could still see the energy mass sparkling and floating around at the foot of the bed.

Now while my godson was in the cab to the hospital he was complaining about a headache, like a really bad headache and he had a fever. And for me when the entities connect to my head i can normally get fevers and migraines. Not always together but most of the time. Like right now I have a migraine no fever. But often I do.

So I scanned his skull region to see if there was anything, and I surprisingly I did not see anything. This was prior to going inside the hospital.

So there is nothing attached to his body directly to his upper body. But there seems do be something attached to his lower legs.

Then there are other entities attached to the foot of the bed that were going wild that I saw them. My bed has entities all around them. If you think about it a bed is when we are the most vulnerable so it would make sense that that is their top favorite place. (Bathroom is probably second in my guess, cars 3rd)

So it’s saddens me SO DEEPLY that even innocent children are fair game for these Entities. But if you think about it that is how they indoctrinate us into their sick games. From a young age. We just don’t know it.

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

BIG DEEP BREATHS!

Trying not cry about how fucking gross this planet is. 🥺😭🤢🤮

Kitchen Witch 🌿🌸🌿

So my friend sent me a video of some New Age witchy ways to remove a curse. (Not you Tess)

Now I will be honest I LOVE witchy stuff. Herbs, crystals, oils, candles, incense, the craft, alters, learning about mythology, symbolic meanings, all that stuff I love it I think it’s pretty, it’s smells nice, i like learning about the history. I like the art.

Recently I threw away all my stuff. Tarot, crystals necklaces, books etc.

Understanding how these Entities work to a limited extent, this is WAY beyond an intention spell/prayer to arch angel Michael, salt baths and white light.

Honestly if I have guides, angels, ancestors, God, spirit animals, alien star seeds, on my side wouldn’t they be kicking this entities ass already? Wouldn’t they have prevented me from being psycho-spiritually raped everyday for 4 years? Which continues.

Why do I have to light a candle when I can speak directly to the”energy” which is a conscious entities and tell them to leave NOW. And they tell me “I’m not done yet!” Or “one more year” every year?

As I have said before something is not adding up in all of this. And I know a lot of it comes from my “perspective” of being tortured. But I did the work, I got out of fear, I stood up to these pieces of shit. I dropped all these New Age wrappings of excuses for entity torture, And they tell me “I’m not done yet!”.

Done doing what?

Because I’m not playing the game anymore. I’m not playing this twin flame game anymore, I’m not playing the targeted individual game where the government is monitoring me anymore. I’m not playing this matrix ascension game anymore.

Ascending to where?

I’m woke as fuck!

So woke I’m tired!

So what exactly are these entities getting out of this and masking it as some belief system?

I am so beyond this New Age shit.

And I am over this experience.

I’ve honestly have done almost all I can humanly do.

What’s interesting is that healing work or certain witchy things actually helped my friend, but not me. We would do the same things sometimes or even she would be so kind to gift me a healing session from the same healer in the past and they would not work for me or they might stop a migraine but not the full experience.

Other reiki healers would ask if I felt anything and I would say pressure on my skull and they would say “that is me” and it would hurt and nothing would come about it. You are working with “energy” but that energy is a conscious being which you have agreed to work with and collect money to do this “healing work” that did nothing for me be give me a fucking headache.

So again I’m not sure what’s going on EXACTLY, but I am ready to kick some ass.

You have no idea how gross this shit is. Seeing entities (smaller) attach to my genitals or to my breast and stimulate me randomly. Some deep in my gut making me sick, photos of them attached to my brain causing migraines, seeing them swim around in and out of my field. Little animal beings attacked to my eyes. It’s YUCK 🤢!!!!!! Like WTF!

I mean I really tried to rationalize all of this. I really don’t think I’m crazy, but I am having a crazy experience which most can not fully relate to and thus I am being seen as crazy.

But if it’s some pretty witchy, ascension shit that’s all gravy. Like fuck out of here.

And I said in a comment before. Like if this is just the chain of life. Like we eat plants (and animals) for sustenances, and then “spirits” entities, I don’t know, absorb our electromagnetic field energy to survive then OK, BUT whatever the FUCK THIS SICK SHIT mofo is, takes it to levels beyond fathomable with rape and torture and showing me child porn or saying I want to fuck my family members and then raping me. Like what the actual fuck?

All because I didn’t play the Twin Flame game and I won’t go into a hypnotic paranoid delusional state. Or accept their negative thoughts as my own? Because I know who the fuck I am and I know how I think and I know my intentions. I have been me all my life! And they are going to try to step in all of a sudden and tell me who I am and I am suppose to “surrender” to the process. Nah!

So honestly all these rituals are not gonna do it for me. I can set my intentions right now! I have with giving up everything! To show how serious I am. And now I am in a stand off with these Entities. I won’t play their game and now they got be physical to stop me from being me. To keep me in bed laid up with pain and fatigue.

Do you know they can wipe me out in a matter of seconds. Like one moment I can be fine and then the next they will make me so sleepy out of no where! Then wake me up an hour or two later. And any time I try to make progress in my life they create a pain in my body that feels like every cell is screaming. Like damn y’all I’m just trying to go to the grocery store and y’all gotta attach some bullshit that makes it painful to walk half a block?

So they want me home going to sleep and waking up to torture me when ever they want. This shit is hell! I am angry and I don’t deserve this shit! No one does if you think about it in the grand scheme of things!

I a specific prayer to remove these entities (which I cited in this blog) and you know what I got a FULL BLOWN ATTACK. I saw more entities enter my home in a a white mist and attach to the lining of my apartment. And large entity and maybe 30 smaller entities hovered over my bed and electrocuted me and then they all shot these “sparkles” into my stomach. My stomach started to rumble and felt like things were knocking around in my tummy and then immediately I had the WORSE period cycle ever.

They are going above and beyond to torture my body because I refuse to play their black magic mind games!

Like this shit has to stop!

“The Second Coming of the New Age” by Steven Bancarz

Part 1

Part 2

 

While “Mindfulness Meditation” did help me when I could not stop the voices from speaking a mile a minute. I went from a peaceful mind to full on demonic attack in 2016. Being an “observer” in mind when this happened was positive in the sense that I did not attach to the actual voices. I know what is me and what is not me. I am the one writing to you, occasionally the voices may make a suggestion here or there while I am engaged in my writing to make it seem like they have control, or as they just said “have nothing better to do”. lol yea…..

So Mindfulness Meditation helped (me) in the crisis, and differentiating myself from these Entities that want/ed to pretend to be me or anyone else.

However the New Age really slipped into my life through the internet, facebook.

I mean the first was seeing sparkles through my twenties and some website said it was Angels. and I was like aight cool. Then it was the reoccurring numbers (1111, 777). Then it was a couple of kookie articles about light workers and how we are star seeds and indigos, Then another article popping up on my facebook about twin flame and 1111. Again i read these articles with no particular belief in my heart (other than God), but these seem to have played out. Then the twin flame thing supposedly happened. AND THEN MY WHOLE LIFE TURNED TO SHIT (which is well documented in this blog).

What is interesting is that I actually studied and was deep in Ifa/ Yoruba (Nigeria) religion and its relation to Santeria and Voodoo in the Caribbean for much longer than I did any of this New Age stuff. I studied it in trying to understand my cultural history as a Black (mixed) person in America. And where I come from. But for some reason that never played out. I had 5 year relationship that meant the world to me, and yet my supposed “twin flame” was the 6 month relationship that did not have the same significance in my life other than making me feel insecure.

So why with very little influence or depth in my life was the New Age able to penetrate so deep?

Our culture (American) is definitely moving towards a New Age culture. Steve called it the “Starbucks Yoga” movement. And I will not sit here and say i did not idolize false Idols. I had a little alter to Oshun in my room for YEARS. Other than the sparkles and maybe one bad dream, I NEVER was attacked like this. (I can’t even get into how aliens and reptilians slipped into the whole hot mess!)

But I will say this Ifa, is IFA…… Ifa…. is not mixing and bastardizing the name of Jesus for its own occult practices and lure. To confuse those that are ignorant. To mold Jesus (and any other deity) to fit their agenda. Which I would say is worse because that is just straight blasphemy. I mean light workers… are just …… white witches? No? Be it light or dark magic it is still the same occult coin no? You are still working with the same energy just with different intentions. But these energies which are actual entities and deceitful beings. At one point or another.

Anyway. These videos are pretty good at breaking down some things. (Doesn’t touch on twin flame, or targeted individuals) but, New Age is hella complicated ….. and has you chasing “ascension”….. and deep in my heart i feel like its really not suppose to be this complicated. There is a clarity when you let go the New Age.

Steve mentions that most of us are looking for a relationship with God. And we get lead astray. The relationship is simple. It’s a relationship with God, through Jesus by way or the Holy Spirit. Do you know how sinful and dirty we must be to have to be twice removed from God? His own creation? The ones that chilled in the Garden of Eden with God? The God that only the Holist of Holy men were reserved to have a relationship with and yet God still found a way through his mercy and grace that we may still know him in SOME WAY.

That alone.

Now, i mean my life is nothing but reptilians and big headed aliens torturing me. BUT still to think about that is amazing. I mean even through my studies I was protected. I mean i would really like to stop being molested by these entities, and told the most vile stuff in the universe. But as I said before in another post they are the contrast. I might not have the Holy Spirit, but i know what is doesn’t feel like.

And again, just like all things… even Christianity pose false understandings of Christianity.

I really wish it wasn’t this complicated but it is. Because the enemy (reptilian, alien, demon WHATEVER) is out here trying to get us anyway it can.

It’s sad really.

Either way enjoy.

Tugging on my back

So I would say a few times maybe 3 or 4 over the course of this 3.5 year experience I have felt a tugging at my back. Because I had “energy work” done I thought it was them trying to pull the Entity out of me. I almost felt relief because I thought maybe there was going to be progress.

But it never quite came out though.

Then more recently say sometime in the last 6 months I had the same tug at my back. I didn’t have any energy work then because well it’s never worked and was a waste of what little money I don’t have.

So then I just thought about it today and wondered if it was the Entity/ demons or whatever trying to yank MY spirit out of me.

I’m not sure what this energetic tug at my back is.

I have also recently felt an energetic/Entity over lay which makes me feel energetically wobbly. Like I would lean one way and feel a slow wobbly to my being. Or my vision would be weird. It’s super difficult to explain but I’m sensitive so this stuff really throws me off.

I guess I’m trying to figure out if the Entity is being tugged out of me or it’s trying to tug ME out of myself so it can do a full possession.

Only lord knows.

The more I try to get answers the more confused I get.

Evil Light Beings emit EMF radiation 😱

So on Saturday i was at my besties house sleeping and the voices/entities kept waking me up every hour so that got really annoying. The last time i woke up i saw a glowing bright red being (which i am familiar with see photo) sitting on the right side of my pillow. And when it saw that i saw him he then covered himself in a black energy blob and said “im hot! Im hot!”.

This isnt the first time i saw the beings glowing before. It seems that the smaller they are the brighter they glow and when they make themselves larger (like a projection) they become duller dark ghostlike outlines. When they are larger they seem to move slower.

Now often New Agers will call these beings “dark beings” and “not of the light”. But they are very much made of light i believe. They hide however in the dark and do “dark” (bad) things like torturing people or lying. The bible described Lucifer a being of light casted down to earth from heaven. I dont believe this is a coincidence.

So we know they are at least made of light. Are they derivatives of Lucifer or the orginal fallen angels? Like little pieces that broke off from the original but yet still carrying out the same evil program?

But they have to be made of something. Its not magical. Its like a shaman who gave someone herbs to drink to feel better and the person think its magic. But really there is a science behind herbs and how they effect the body. Eons of studying herbs to know what works for which part of the body. Some of the things they can do as light beings is burn you, electrocute you, make you vibrate, pin pricks, jolt. Just to name a few.

What sparked my inquiry was that these beings emit EMF radiation anywhere from 30 to 100+ on a good day. I wondered what emits EMF….. And just a simple google it is different wavelengths.

Now there are two pieces to this puzzle. The actual light being and the black energy blob they hide behind (i believe it can be clearish as well but im just talking through this).

In the Wiki link on Electromagnetic Radiation it goes through the basics of the different waves lengths which include It includes radio waves, microwaves, infrared, (visible) light, ultraviolet, X-rays, and gamma rays. Now only visible light is suppose to seen by the naked eye. For whatever reason i can see these things and i dont know why.

Now my guess is that these beings are on the infrared wavelength (lol because it was red) or they can jump different wavelengths. They other reason i assumed it was infrared is because of the EMF reading between 30 and 100+ ut. This image can be found under the “Electromagnetic Spectrum” tab in the link.

Now i might be being simplistic about my associations with my findings. But under the “Thermal and electromagnetic radiation as a form of heat” in the same link there is a link to something called a “black body“. Inam only assuming that the black energy blob that they hide in cpuld possible be a black body which is described as “A black body or blackbody is an idealized physical body that absorbs all incident electromagnetic radiation, regardless of frequency or angle of incidence. (It does not only absorb radiation, but can also emit radiation. ”

When i put the EMF reader (found in the app store) near this black energy blob the reader goes nuts it shoots up too 90+ but going all over the place. So it absorbing and emitting kinda of makes sense with the reading jumping all over the place.

Now that i may have identified what these beings are made of its about testing things to protect myself and or find ways to disolve them. Im not SUPER smart but im trying at least to make sense and if it doesnt I will definitely update this post.

Studying the make up of these beings are important to our protection especially those that are truly suffering. I guess since i am not some magic healer i am looking to science to explain what i am experiencing.

These evil light beings emitting EMF radiation it would make sense why people feel sick or ill or bad feelings when they connect to us. It would also make sense why “demons” or evil beings can cause diseases on the body when they are attached because theybare emitting EMF which over long periods of time which can effect organ function and cell structure.

I think many New Agers talk about this stuff like we are in pre school. And of course Religious people talk about it as if demons are magical and not possibly scientific.

What makes a “good” light being differ from a “bad” light being other than not energetically raping a human? Do good ones hide in those black energy blobs too? Or do they more enjoy the fresh air of nature and the sun? What is the exact purpose of all of this? I cant settle on the answer that they want to “harvest your negative emotions” ….. Like whaaat? I mean it makes sense in the program that they run in terms of using fear and negative emotions to get a reaction….. But in the grand scheme what exactly do they need from ME that causes them to literally stalk me where ever i go? There has to be more i feel.

Thats all I got for today i hope to progress to understanding what would dissolve the black body/black energy blob or warding off these light energy beings from connecting with me and impossing on my free will.

To be honest with you (i wish)

To be completely honest …… I wish i was sold the lie. These demons didnt even try to lie very well. After the Osiris/Isis twin flame telepathy bullshit didnt pan out (posing as telepathy with my ex) they went straight for mediocre lies and then torture.

I mean beleive me. I WISH this mofo was my higher self, spirit guide, ancestor, benevolent alien sent to help humanity. ……….. I wish it was telepathy with my ex so i could tell him how much he made me feel insecure and didnt fight for us …… That these demons were using his voice to say i love you and i fell for it.

I wish this was some positive kundalini experience where “my chakras are activated” and my Soul Star is lit up and my health is intacted…… I wish i was the chosen one …… 144k sent to help humanity and these were the trials and tribulations that God put me here for…… I wish this was “the veil being lifted” as opposed to imposed. I wish this was “shedding old belief systems for the the collective”. In fact I GOT some new ones i would like to impose. I wish this was my ascension and NOT descension. I wish is was schizophrenia….. And the medication worked. I wish i was a warrior that wasnt tired.

There were so many options. But the torture remained. It hurts….. Its difficult to breathe sometimes. …. I feel this painful demons attached to my head or chest and or vagina sometimes my butt/spine. Waves of electrocution. I wish it was cosmic attunement.

I see them in my house. I see them attached to loved ones. People on the street…… In some peoples photos.

I wish i didnt see them. I wish I didnt stare at them long enough to recognize them now …. Because im useless. I cant help anyone. Telling someone they got a demon on their head aint gonna do shit but plant the seeds of paranoia for these demons to play with or for my friends to stop fuckin with me. All i can do is give testimony to those that are suffering and struggling.

I wish this was enlightenment…… All i did was awaken to a nightmare.

Proof I’m not totally crazy 😳

You have to zoom in on it or not have a white background.

This is just ONE of the many I see around me. The voice Entity kept saying it was my grandma and it made me sad cause I thought my grandma (recently passed) got sucked into their hell matrix but I soon grounded myself and know they lie about everything thing.

I rarely see human like faces more troll demon reptilian like heads. Writing I rarely understand.

I’m not sure what all of this is or why but it’s happening.

Voices Snapshot

I noticed my mom seemed kind of bummed out. She’s not the kind of person to tell her emotions so I figured just do something.

My first thought was to maybe tell my dad to do something nice for my mom via text. But then I realized I didn’t have my wifi number anymore. So then I thought I would get her some flowers, even though flowers seem lame maybe they will cheer her up. The voices quickly pounce on me.

Voice 1: I’m tired of this pedophile incest bitch……

Voice 2: what’s wrong with getting flowers for her mother? (This “voice of reason” recently emerged when I stopped fighting with them both. Really I don’t trust it and it’s no different than the other)

Voice 1: (screaming) Die bitch. Your mothers going to die.

Me: I can’t believe I actually have to listen to this shit.

So because I wanted to do something positive and nice I had to hear about how my mom was going to die for little bit after all of that.

I later proceed to go out and buy my mom flowers with my last $10, just to cheer her up a bit. She does so much not sure if she wasn’t feeling appreciated.

Paranoid Android 👾

I noticed there is this strange sleep pattern in my house hold. My father goes to bed around 9/10 , sister around 10-12, mom around 3am, then I’m usually woken up AT 3am up until 8am wishing I was asleep cause I have to listen to some nasty archon mofo go off about stupid shit. 

I feel like there is a stream line of family sleeping at different time. Almost like there has to be a congnative brain available at all times.

The head pressures come and go now so I’m wondering if this archon tick is just jumping from one family member to the other. I mean no one else hears it…. Or feels it to my knowledge. So I’m not sure why I can feel its presence which feels like death. 

I could be wrong.