Best Friend: Fat shame

So today my friend was like really going off on fat shaming multiple times. She fat shamed her boyfriend and said she would dump him if he looked like Homer Simpson, she fat shamed her son, she was talking about “obese kids” in the movie “Fed Up”, she was laughing at a bunch of pictures of fat people in Walmart on her Facebook feed, she even said something about what weight she thinks I’m suppose to be. It was just a lot in like a couple of hours.

I like talking about health and nutrition but I’m not going to fat shame someone’s body. I think that is really fucked up. And it honestly makes me not want to be around that type of energy cause I’m just wasting my money coming here to babysit anyway. I can just stay home and schiz out on my own bed in peace and not have to pretend to be ok. Or ok with people bullshit.

Then I mentioned the guy I was seeing in passing as said he Ghosted me and my friend drags her boyfriend into it and says “why do you think he did that, Ghosted?” essentially he said oh well clearly he found someone better 😳 . Like damn. Y’all just coming for my neck.

I don’t have the energy to wade through being upset by other people lack of consideration or ignorance.

On top of it I’m at here house on the sofa and the voices won’t let me sleep and I’m gonna be hella moody tomorrow. Just over people and bullshit and everything.

Might talk to her tomorrow about it ….. might just leave idk.

Update: i didn’t leave nor did i speak to her about it as it didnt come up naturally. But i also know she has been talking about gaining some relationship weight over the last month or two and i honestly think she is projecting her insecurities on everyone else. If it comes up again i will mention it. But im not going out of my way.

Also thanks to her and her boyfriend the voices have used the scenario multiple times since to make me feel bad about myself. And i was. But now i realize it was an attack. And she doesnt realize she was being used for an attack because of her own insecurities. So im stopping that shit right now.

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Evil Light Beings emit EMF radiation 😱

So on Saturday i was at my besties house sleeping and the voices/entities kept waking me up every hour so that got really annoying. The last time i woke up i saw a glowing bright red being (which i am familiar with see photo) sitting on the right side of my pillow. And when it saw that i saw him he then covered himself in a black energy blob and said “im hot! Im hot!”.

This isnt the first time i saw the beings glowing before. It seems that the smaller they are the brighter they glow and when they make themselves larger (like a projection) they become duller dark ghostlike outlines. When they are larger they seem to move slower.

Now often New Agers will call these beings “dark beings” and “not of the light”. But they are very much made of light i believe. They hide however in the dark and do “dark” (bad) things like torturing people or lying. The bible described Lucifer a being of light casted down to earth from heaven. I dont believe this is a coincidence.

So we know they are at least made of light. Are they derivatives of Lucifer or the orginal fallen angels? Like little pieces that broke off from the original but yet still carrying out the same evil program?

But they have to be made of something. Its not magical. Its like a shaman who gave someone herbs to drink to feel better and the person think its magic. But really there is a science behind herbs and how they effect the body. Eons of studying herbs to know what works for which part of the body. Some of the things they can do as light beings is burn you, electrocute you, make you vibrate, pin pricks, jolt. Just to name a few.

What sparked my inquiry was that these beings emit EMF radiation anywhere from 30 to 100+ on a good day. I wondered what emits EMF….. And just a simple google it is different wavelengths.

Now there are two pieces to this puzzle. The actual light being and the black energy blob they hide behind (i believe it can be clearish as well but im just talking through this).

In the Wiki link on Electromagnetic Radiation it goes through the basics of the different waves lengths which include It includes radio waves, microwaves, infrared, (visible) light, ultraviolet, X-rays, and gamma rays. Now only visible light is suppose to seen by the naked eye. For whatever reason i can see these things and i dont know why.

Now my guess is that these beings are on the infrared wavelength (lol because it was red) or they can jump different wavelengths. They other reason i assumed it was infrared is because of the EMF reading between 30 and 100+ ut. This image can be found under the “Electromagnetic Spectrum” tab in the link.

Now i might be being simplistic about my associations with my findings. But under the “Thermal and electromagnetic radiation as a form of heat” in the same link there is a link to something called a “black body“. Inam only assuming that the black energy blob that they hide in cpuld possible be a black body which is described as “A black body or blackbody is an idealized physical body that absorbs all incident electromagnetic radiation, regardless of frequency or angle of incidence. (It does not only absorb radiation, but can also emit radiation. ”

When i put the EMF reader (found in the app store) near this black energy blob the reader goes nuts it shoots up too 90+ but going all over the place. So it absorbing and emitting kinda of makes sense with the reading jumping all over the place.

Now that i may have identified what these beings are made of its about testing things to protect myself and or find ways to disolve them. Im not SUPER smart but im trying at least to make sense and if it doesnt I will definitely update this post.

Studying the make up of these beings are important to our protection especially those that are truly suffering. I guess since i am not some magic healer i am looking to science to explain what i am experiencing.

These evil light beings emitting EMF radiation it would make sense why people feel sick or ill or bad feelings when they connect to us. It would also make sense why “demons” or evil beings can cause diseases on the body when they are attached because theybare emitting EMF which over long periods of time which can effect organ function and cell structure.

I think many New Agers talk about this stuff like we are in pre school. And of course Religious people talk about it as if demons are magical and not possibly scientific.

What makes a “good” light being differ from a “bad” light being other than not energetically raping a human? Do good ones hide in those black energy blobs too? Or do they more enjoy the fresh air of nature and the sun? What is the exact purpose of all of this? I cant settle on the answer that they want to “harvest your negative emotions” ….. Like whaaat? I mean it makes sense in the program that they run in terms of using fear and negative emotions to get a reaction….. But in the grand scheme what exactly do they need from ME that causes them to literally stalk me where ever i go? There has to be more i feel.

Thats all I got for today i hope to progress to understanding what would dissolve the black body/black energy blob or warding off these light energy beings from connecting with me and impossing on my free will.

Twin Flame Trigger 🔥🔥

everyone wants to be a twin flame expert because it equals money now.

this one guy is out here saying twin flames are the same as the indigenous concept of “two-spirit”. and it’s pissing me off.  One cause people just can’t seem to stop exploiting indigenous culture for gain and two-spirit is NOT a twin flame.

if you wanna say two spirits are actually living inside of you then SURE let’s say that … shit, i got like at least 3 fucking with me inside.

like, stick to yall new agey twin flame shit and talking about going into union for a decade.

two-spirit is a third gender recognizing that we hold both “male” and “female” traits and not conforming to gender roles based on sex. It has nothing to do with twin flame. Stop dragging indigenous info into yall bullshit to make it seem all sacred.

tired of these hoes.

I unfollowed a lot of twin flame stuff I don’t watch the updates, now still everyone wants to give their “twin flame union update” every month in spiritual groups so they can catch people they can coach for cash money.

the guy who is saying twin flame and two-spirit is the same thing is the one who told me I’m NOT a twin flame. charged me $250 to tell me shit and some shit I could have gotten off of youtube. And when I told him it didn’t work he said it was my fault and I wasn’t trying enough. The only thing of value I got out of it was him telling me I wasn’t a “twin flame” which is fine cause it was just a demonic archon thing raping me anyway. The entity fell for it and started acting differently but that didn’t stop this demon …. just confused him.

ugh I’m kinda getting sick of it all.

I know I’m being placed in these places for a reason… but people are really pumping a lot of bullshit to get paid. When we got more work to do other than worrying about when you gonna get to fuck your ex/ twin flame.

you know a little girl hung herself because she was bullied in school. where the FUCK does she get an idea to HANG herself. she was like 5. Fuck these demons and fuck everyone making money off of people telling them lies.

 

On Sadness

In every moment of sadness, another layer of outdated cellular memories leaves your energy field.

As each layer is released through spontaneous expressions of doubt, despair, and disappointment, the world is equally cleansed and released from the spell of unconsciousness.

This may help you understand how there is nothing to fear when sadness is present. If anything, knowing the energetic purpose behind such a misunderstood emotion reminds you to slow down and relax your body, so you may see how an experience of sadness has absolutely nothing to do with the circumstances and outcomes that bring it to the surface.

Sadness is your highest transformation being recognised in progress.

No matter how lonely it may seem or how devastating it can feel, sadness acts as the unsuspecting sign that a new reality has dawned within you. As this is accepted, the consuming nature of sadness transforms into the peaceful resolve of self-realisation

This helps to dispel any myth about the location of awakening that many believe exists somewhere beyond the grip of sadness. Instead, Awakening is the natural recognition of your essential nature that unfolds with ease, once the healing power of sadness has been survived.

This may also help you see how in its’ purest form, sadness is not the absence of happiness.

Sadness is actually the clean-up crew of the Universe.

One breakdown at a time, it sweeps every distraction out of your energy field, so the happiness that is always here can be revealed.

SOURCE:

Matt Kahn – http://www.truedivinenature.com

JOIN HERE

In Universal Service ▲ Keeper of The Diamond Light Codes

—————-

I use to think like this. Its just now. I’m not sad….. I’m torture …. Tormented. I was OK with how I handled my emotions until I was attacked. Tricked. 

Now I don’t know what I am anymore. I’m angry. 

I’m angry I have no idea what’s going on with my body or how to fix it. 

I would fix my problems…… other people’s problems….. Plan of action – execute…. Hope for the best ….. And do decent. 

But this I don’t know what to do anymore. So I’m angry, frustrated from trying to do my best which will never seem like enough and then sad cause its almost like it doesnt matter.

No good deed goes unpunished“.

Numb 👤 Etheric Overlays

So …. I have noticed for a while now a numb sensation. 

At first I thought it was because I wasn’t moving as much. But YOU KNOW ME overly aware all the time.

So I noticed my hands going numb (especially around the phone). And when I looked there were one of those circles there. Noticed my thighs for months now. 

I noticed my feet/ ankle going numb. And then I felt that energy move up my leg that’s what prompted me to write about it.

Ive seen foreign energy move under my skin and then leave a mark. Either a pictogram (or emoji like) or an X. 

It’s so gross seeing your skin move. Its not like an aliens gonna pop out…. Its like a wave. Its more meshed WITH the skin than under it. 

That’s how the burn me, and talk to me, and poke, vibrate …. Rape. “Punch”…… Is by merging with the human cell or the space in between cells and causing an illusionary sensation.

Hands, arms, feet, thighs. And then my core and head is a whole other thing with etheric animals and beings coming and going as they please. Just …. Uhg. And my 3rd eye is pretty much a big gaping hole at this point. 

And they won’t stop, won’t shut up, won’t leave, won’t provide any “contracts”.

—————– 

The Demonic Archon Alien tried to say its prepping my body for the Isis etheric overlay. 😩😞😒

Suck an etheric dick. 

I said NO! 

TV on the Radio: Opposite World. 📺 “Stranger Things”

I have spoken about opposite world for a while now. It was a big part of the “delusion” I was dragged into. You can prolly search my blog and find a few posts. 

The more I went into occult groups on facebook trying to understand what was happening to me, was it a spell, voodoo, abilities, was abucted, a puppet, possessed by body snatchers, the more i was met with all these occultist would keep talking about the balance of dark and light. That “as above so below“. Honestly they are the only ones that speak about this, so I doubt they are getting raped and molested by demons so its easy for them to talk about “balancing the darkness”, because its only relatative to the illusionary power or “knowledge” they think they have. Or that anyone that wasn’t aware of the dark…. Or generally happy was a “spiritual bypasser”. 

It took me a while to watch second season of “Stranger Things”, to be honest mainly because it had kids in it and I really didn’t have the stamina to be raped or molested by this Archon Reptilian Entity while it said sick things and then called ME a child molestor. Because this demon wants me to “Die of Molestation”. 

My fear was then sparked again Eleven was named the sexiest woman by W Magazine and I and most of my friends where like WTF, she’s 13years old! And then Mara Wilson who played Matilda back in the day wrote an article for Elle Magazine talking about all the letters from pedophiles she received when she was a little girl and how they would make sick videos with her face imposed on it and it fucked her up. 

So with all that, and knowing how disgusting these Archon Reptilians are, I opted out watching this season. I knew after reading that article about her being named sexy the Archon’s would target her in my psyche. And I wouldn’t get to actually enjoy the show. Its an awesome show anf i love Winoa Ryder, shes kinda my spirit animal right now. It’s not hypersexualized like say “Girls” or “Game of Thrones” which I just couldn’t get through. My ex (twin flame) wanted me to watch Game of Thrones and even before all this happened I didn’t want to watch the rape scene and ended up covering my eyes with his arms until it was over. Its was too much. 

Either way thanks W Magainze for sensationalizing and sexualizing children and one of the few shows out there that’s actually not. 

ANYWAY. 

I mean things have dialed down to about 25% which is still too much for me, and at times they flare up and I can’t put my finger on the reason why…. I observe and catch trends quickly. Maybe there isn’t an actual reason. Just random. Not based on me or what I do. Even though I’ve tried everything to keep it at a minimum. 

So things are at 25% give or take the day. I KNOW for a fact I am not a child molestor and would never be in any lifetime, realm or plane. And I’ve watched “Once Upon a Time” all 6/7 seasons 3 times in row at least and Zootopia 2 times a day for a year….. So its time for a change. 

I’m not a TV person actually. I love music, but TV (and writing) engages my mind a bit more to take my mind away from these demons. Listening to music is intimate for me. Before I would go to my special place and make dances that melded into painting turning into a music video. I did the mostly on my commute to or from work. Open my eyes and I was in a train car of 100 people in a city of 8 million. Close my eyes and I was alone in my mind painting beautiful songs in my cave. 

What happens when you have unwelcomed guests in your cave? That won’t leave. Scribbling their song of fear. Perversion ……. And hatred over my personal graffiti. 

So fuck it, it doesn’t matter either way. I know myself enough and want to watch something different. I am currently on episode 3 season 2 when I was triggered to write this. 

One of the characters talked about being in “upside down” world where he is able to see these dark entities and reptile things that don’t like light or heat. Being stuck between dimensions. 

In many ways it feels like this “opposite world” where I see these Archon circles, Reptilians, Geckos, Trolls, Ghosts banshees, portals, False light floating symbols, that can not with stand the Sun or joy or love. So in a way I become a vampire always in the dark, because these energy vampires keep me weak enough to not go outside but alive enough to feed off and play with me. 

I know its not real real. … Like “Stranger Things” is not a documentary. But certain shows or songs, words always find there way to me AFTER I’ve experience certain things and I’m like “OMG you guys its a synchronicity! ” but thats the lure of the dark, and false light always keep you guessing, mysteriousness so you always stay in the trap of trying to figure things out because YOU think there is some gift….. A pot of goal at the end of that dark evil rainbow. Either way I want out. 

Maybe “Stranger Things” is taking from what some of us are really experiencing and turning it into entertainment. Like those scientists represent CERN, which I have not read up on but my friends, who experience the same I, believe that CERN did something to our world that made us vulnerable and more tangible to dark forces. Like they “lifted the veil”, only we want shit put back down. And ELeven (from stranger things) and the other kid is Us who can feel or sense what is happening to us or the other side. Its strange cause other people are having astral sex and atral projecting to Saturn. .. And past life regressing and channeling and having a grand old time and I’m like “the fuck are y’all doing?”. Even when I would read about people doing this I was like “nah I’m good”. There was no lure for me at most I wanted to do shrooms and maybe tripp and see like smurfs or something, but again that would have been from MY own mind. Not whatever disgusting hive mind from the 4th dimension that uses radio, WiFi, emf waves to penetrate our cells and move around or communicate or take over our bodies. The ones that are stalking me prefer ambient (none focused on sound) TV as it seems easier to associate words with their agenda then from my mind. 

So that’s my “Stranger Things” experience, only I’m kinda living it and it sucks. 

 https://youtu.be/j1-xRk6llh4

Sister Sister (pt. whatever)  😇🙏😈

So tonight my sister asked me to help her in the bed. And I have slowly been trying to ween her off of asking me for help. I mean she had a stroke, didn’t really push herself in physically therapy as much I would have like to have seen, but FORCED herself to go back to work being partially disabled now. Not because its a lot of money but because she loves her job. And my moms and I best instincts we supported her. It would be good exercise. 

Which means that half of my life is currently dedicated to making sure she looks good for the world. But at home constantly cleaning up human waste, helping her put on clothes and getting her things. But some how she braves the streets on NYC and goes to work at rush hour. Which is more than I have been able to do unless its another emergency. 

My sister asked me to help her to bed. But for some strange reason I help he to bed and she gets up 5 mins later for juice and then asks for help again. Sooooo….  I told her NO this time. I tried to explain to her why and she told me to “shut up!“. So I told her, “Fuck you! You’re so RUDE!

And GUESS What the Demon tried to do, tried to GUILT me about the ENERY I was sending my sister and saying it was going to go over and kill her because I told her “fuck you”. 

So I told the demon, “Fuck you too go back to hell”. I thought if this demon wants to hurt my sister at this point that is that Demons choice not mine. What am I gonna do? Grab at air? I already tried that smacking one out of her room. I already put up prayers on every mirror. I bit my tongue and faked being happy for her healing process and was having (still) having a delusional break down being burned and raped all the while having to be a maid and being yelled at. 

This whole being “conscious of the energy I bring our put out there” is now another form of GUILT for this demon to play with after working on many layer and finally getting to a place of soon braving the world. Like I’m not allowed to say NO. I said NO to this Demon(s) so many times and yet . …….Here it remains. I’ve ignored it, I’ve scolded my skin with hot herbal baths, I prayed, I’ve paid, I’ve given up everything in this false “ascension”. 

My sister is not my child and she reminds me of hold old she is every week. I just wish we were just….. Sisters again. 

Since she going back to work now, I have tried to focus on getting a game plan together for my own healing. On my own. Since nothing I paid for worked other than ODing on benadryl /sleep medication and some fake ass excuse for this perverse Demon being in my life “shamans” calling it a “generational curse”.

Check This! I can still be conscious of my “energy” and still express myself. How amazing is that!? Even if I didn’t have this Demon pop up and try to murder me I still would be angry. Look at the world! It’s where I channel my anger. And at the same time I can’t be responsible how some perceives my “energy”. I can only be responsible for how I carry myself. If that person is so perceptive then they should also have compassion in understanding that persons “energy” as well, while simultaneously not taking it on as their own. But I also understand that there are people unaware, sensitive and under attack. Like me. 

The Demon said, “let the games begin!”

😩😒 UHg.

Olfactory Curse 👃👅 😷

I have to often clean my sisters bed pan. For some reason more so than her poop her pee make me gag in violent ways.

For whatever reason I was probably eating some cookies and saying fuck you to the demon archon as usual. Only this time the Archon said “I never did anything to your taste.” suggesting it was time to fuck with my taste.

This was also after reading in the schizophrenia group that someone had taste hallucinations. I think mostly bad. I had also heard certain taste and smells are indicators you should see a doctor as well diabetes, cancers, harmonal imbalances or times to detox. 

I had only smelled scents I don’t like, poop, weed, roses, rotten meat, sulfur, cologne (Cubano to be exact) I dont like, as the main smells it would send as a curse but never tasted. 

One day I woke up with the taste of my sister pee in my mouth. I tried smelling myself my pee and my breath and none gave the smell. It was just the taste. 

Then I realized that the Demon Archon wanted to fuck with my taste buds a few days before cause I’m a asshole and I call it “a dot that can’t enjoy my mothers wonderful cooking.”

So I guess of ALL the FLAVORS in the world it chose my sister strong ass pee (sorry sissy I’m just keeping it 100%).

So I’m like what is this Archon Demon doing? Putting one of the circle dots in my sister pee and then putting it in my mouth? Taste testing its curse first before it sends it my way? Like what the fuck? 

The funny thing is the first day I was like WTF and I just assumed I picked it up from snoring with my mouth open. A few times I smelled my sister pee in another room and it was totally confusing. But this time it went to merge with my taste buds.

Once I realized it was a curse or whatever it went away.

The way to tell is that my tongue had like an overlay feeling. You know when you eat something with lard and the lard kinda coats your tongue. It was kinda like that only grosser. I could not smell the sent on my body. And I kinda know what my own tongue tastes and feels like.  I mean I have had morning breath before. I call it “broccoli breath” but usually you can kinda smell it back and brush your teeth and bee good. Brushing my teeth didn’t help. 

But I realized it had been doing this to me for a while now silently. Usually about how I smelled. I was always self conscious of smelling good or TOO good. 

I was at a hippy school that didn’t want people to where perfume. My school was up in the mountains and my skin was DRY and cracking. I am a New York Island baby I need ocean moisture. Either way I bought some natural scent lotion from the Hippy College store and was putting it on in front a group cause my skin was hurting from cracking and they STILL was making fun of me for putting on a scent. 

I don’t know, I kinda felt like it was super racist for these white women to kinda dictate the way I should smell and it kinda pissed me off. I was like they could NEVER live in New York! Its like over load! People smell like whatever from different cultures and you just respect it!  Like if I wanna smell like an anarchist body ordor or lavender vanilla or my favorite chemical Stella perfume, like its none of their business. But whatever.

But I also challenged myself as well in conforming. I could also see if you ARE in fact cursed not having a cloud of scents confusing you is good as well. 

Whatever. Taste buds curse. Scents cursed, life curse, sight cursed, hearing curse, touch cursed, movement, foresight cursed by an Archon Demon for what reasons I don’t know.

This sucks!

As of Today ☁ Archon Stuff

Last night a dark mass “cloud” swept over my body as I tried to fall asleep in bed. It said, “you feel so good” in a creepy voice. I figured this was just another trick to get me worked up. But I kept my cool and remembers all the times these things called me fat, ugly, a man ect. I just kept saying get out of my body get out of my home. 

As the black mass was over me the visions (illusions), were more intense than before. More vibrant, which was strange. They were kinda fading for a while. The flashes were more often. 

As of today, the Archon dots are not AS apparent as days before. I can see glimpses of them and mainly the sparkles. (I will never look at glitter the same ever again) And I wonder if that has to deal with the black mass that was trying to get inside of me. 

I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing. Probably just another game. 

After I wrote my post Sister Sister, the Archon Demon went on to do this whole dramatic play that it was being tortured or carried away. Just screaming ect. It was annoying and I told IT that I knew it was doing. Just putting on a dramatic play so maybe I feel like it got what it deserved for what it did to me and my family. I’m not falling for it. And it immediately stopped. 

Shit is so wack.

I had to talk myself into taking a bath. Because no matter where I go, these things are here. Sleeping, outside, bathroom. So I can’t avoid them. 

Now I have to go take a salt bath with a bunch of hateful archon sparkle jelly fish blobs staring at me and trying to fuck up my night. 

Advice: Going Nowhere ⏰

So, I see all these things in my house. 

Orbs, sparkles, mists, giant swirly mother load that shoots Pokémon balls at me, flashes of light. 

As much a try to make light of the situation, well. ….  it physically hurts to have this attached to me and I have no idea what’s going on. 

Honestly if what ever is here was nice, I would show the same respect. But its not. So I have to stick up for myself and figure a way to protect my family the best I can. And I’ve tried everything!

I have yet to find a truth. 

I don’t know if this is all happening because of me, because its attached to me or because its just happening and that’s life. All I know is that I hear, feel and legit (like 80% sure) sure I’m seeing it.

But I also have this burden of wondering if my sister and mother both had strokes in the same year because of me, or this terrible entity attached to me. The entity fortold it, but could have also caused it. Because much of the head pressure was unbareable. So I can only imagine for someone who is older and or in poor health.

What’s done is done, I have no proof other than my own painful experience. The entity was trying to tell me to leave my family in their time of need. Like sister needed help and my mom was recovering. So it was on me to kinda not let that load be on my mom.

As both slowly recovered I tried to take more and more time for myself. This is around the same time I actually started seeing the orbs hanging in the house. But I’m not sure if its me or others. I would never be able to tell unless I’m there. Duh. 

But idk. If I should leave cause my terrible energy. Everyone in these light worker groups keep telling me I’m all low vibes and idk maybe I’m holding my family back from healing. 

I kinda don’t want to be around anyone cause I don’t want anyone to get hurt cause I have this terrible energy with me. Which I can seem to do enough about. 

I don’t know what to do any more.