Is magnesium the answer to your sugar addiction? πŸ°πŸ¨πŸ§πŸ¦πŸ―🍬🍭🍫🍩🍻

https://iquitsugar.com/magnesium-and-sugar-addiction/

I was suggested to take magnesium to help sleep with this schizophrenia. The person suggested that many people who drink a lot end up being magnesium deficient which he believes in can lead to schiz. (That’s a big jump, but I respect the leap). So I thought well alcohol turns into sugar anyway. So I looked up the relation between that. So the magnesium is something I can do and possibly have a doctor prescribe so I don’t have to come out of pocket.

As stated in my blog, I feel like schiz deals many levels of “consciousness”, not the fantasy one like actual levels of awareness like being asleep dreaming lower brain waves or to being on full alertness. Either way sleep is healing. It took an abnormal amount of sleep and rest to heal schiz so far.

Another man in the forum said that when he “started eating healthier that he felt like the voices got worse!” The same happened to me. When my diet was better I also felt attacked the fiercest. So why when we know we are being healthy, getting good sleep, active, in touch with our emotions would we feel like the VOICES are WORSE or we are being attacked?

Why would we be prevented from being our bests selves?

I’m a nerd so I will definitely track results. πŸ™Œ

Advertisements

Talking Anonymous πŸ’‹

I have a problem y’all. 

I can’t stop talking to this demon. I’ve mentally cussed this demon out going on two years in January. It was the only way to protect myself. 

I’ve befriended and betrayed in the same day over and over and over.

Always having a come back, always smacking down the lies got me this far, which is alive and not utterly delusional. I was able to defend myself from falling into yet another rabbit hole when the other rabbit hole finally made no sense.

But I can’t stop, before it would “mind control” and “suggest thoughts” (the next thing to say) through flashes images or “subconscious”. It still does. Maybe not as much as it use to. But it did. But I still can’t seem to stop talking to it…   Or responding.

I’ve gone a couple of days to with out but end up breaking my silence emotionally. 

Now when I talk to an actual human, I’m like jibber jabbering them to death just happy not to be telepathically communicating some psycho demon.

I can meditate, I can be quiet. But I still can’t seem to stop defending myself and talking to this demon. 

And the meds.. .. My friend said I shouldn’t take meds…. But I want it to stop. But there are so many mixed reviews on meds and time span they took to work. Meds seem like the only way to stop communications for now but I don’t want to stay on them. But then I don’t want to be opening Pandoras box if I stop taking them as well. 

Thieves in the Temple πŸ‘‘

If God wasn’t a loving and forgiving God do you think that these evil things would exist?

For whatever reason all creations exist as is ….. And have the choice and opportunity to evolve past its “nature”. 

What we currently think is our nature is conditioning. We could be living in caves…. But we have “evolved” to houses. But some how racism and sexism and sexual violence ect is just seems SO FAR past our reachability over the say million years.

It is the same as these Entities. I’ve said this before. If God wanted to wipe out these Entities with the snap of a cosmic finger God could. If they are from the firery pits of hell,. .  .. Then why are they here, or how do they have access to humans? Maybe these were lies we were told. Maybe humans were told this lie to keep them from committing “crimes” or “sin”. Sin is only relative to the human experience. So what laws do “Entities” have to abide by? Cause they seem pretty lawless to me. 

Clearly everything exists with in its nature. And to some extent I have accept that these Entities exist with in their own nature. Not something I personally want to observe. But I am currently forced to watch. I do NOT have to accept them as my own nature unless they choose to actually do so. And that is a major deception that human beings must evolve past. Understanding what is true human nature and what is not. 

I would assume that Entities have the same opportunity to evolve with the limits of “free will”. That is a choice they must make for themselves individually and as a whole.

I have many thieves in my temple. Telling me I’M the thief, when humans are innately self preserving. Whatever it is that they are here for, it is not theirs to have.

Maybe I’m too logical for this world. 

Questions? 🌍

So like hella writers, leaders, teachers, scientists, artists, people who have “advanced” civilization in some way, many were/are hella racist, sexist, classist, homophobic, ect ect……. 

And I’m sitting here wondering if they supposedly advanced humanity can we trust their work?

This was sparked after reading a quote about hilter that Jung made. Something about how hilter was a mouthpiece for what whispered through Germans souls.

While, I CAN take the best and leave the rest. Can we trust someone, who in some ways may have been a Nazi sympathizer, construct frameworks for our mode of understanding and thinking and or psychological make up?

I think you get where I am going with this. Its everywhere and it’s overwelming. Its like can capitalism ever evolve or be fixed when the foundations snd roots are based in racist and imperial thought?

Same with science.

We need thinkers who can override this shit. From science, psychology, religion, governing, invention. We are all sitting here arguing shit, hoping it will change and all it takes is one dude to come out the woodwork to set us back 100 years.

Just saying. 

The “Spiritual Bypass” πŸ˜·

I was thinking after someone thanked me for being raw in my journal. Can someone actually “spiritually bypass”?

I understand the concept, that some people are essentially spiritual fuckboys, a faΓ§ade of sorts to gain favorablity or even worse your cash flow. 

But the idea is kind of counter intuitive in the sense that, where ever someone is “spiritually” is exactly where they should be. I mean can you truly induce or avoid an awakening? I don’t think many had a choice.

I think the concept of spiritual bypass should be taken even more broadly. I read many articles on “awakening” , “ascension” and spirituality trying to deeply understand what was happening to me. 

I was met with these beautiful purple blue astral DMT trip images of someone in a state of bliss or enlightenment (we’ve all seen that blue guy, and its always a guy). With some articles listing the top 10 ways to know you are awakening. Usually its intense isolation and loss. 

It goes on to explain heighten “psychic abilities”, along with a message that this is a “gift”. 😩 bruh. 

Like can we put the fairtales aside?

Awakening, possession or severe mental illness, either way this shit sucks. 

Its like that lie we tell most women that “childbirth is the most rewarding thing ever“, not being real about the fact your insides are gonna fall out, tailbone crack and probably have to wear a maxi pad just to keep from peeing on yourself.

Like be real about it.

Uhg its the same fairytale with “twin flames”. Twin flame is literally like being sent to hell. And yet for the past what 6 years or so people have been trying to surrender something I don’t even know in order to get into “union”. That its called heart break…… And if you were unlucky enough to catch one of these demons…  Its called obsession.

Let’s get real. There is a meeting point of psychology, spirituality and science.

The fluff and glamour is getting people way thrown off. Blissed out, love and light, all powerful black sorcerer with skull rings. Like get a fucking grip.

Love is a decision, it is an conscious action, it is a struggle.

I don’t trust the state of “bliss” any more than I trust the anxiety, depression. Any or all can be mimicked by an “entity”, and if you are addicted to bliss, welp…. Have fun.

Don’t try to act like you’re above anyone because magically “trancended ego” and all the way up in the ether on the 12 dimensions looking down on all the poor people who have idea what the fuck you are talking about.

We are one, we are the world no separation, bla bla….. GUESS WHAT the world is hurting, bleeding profusely of its energy and resources. Its people outside of your bliss bubble are in pain, a pain so indescribable they choose to stay silent about until one day….. It catches up with them.

On that day….. I hope some, anyone will be honest about how this shit sucks on every level. And how vunerable and human we are…… And how they are not alone. And how we need them…. 

That’s all. 

Mental Illness Olympics πŸ†

In a way I feel like I have the worse form of “mental illness”. Schizophrenia, is like being on every drug possible, all the while hearing a voice that will call you a fuck up in every possible way. Its like watching every other mental illness play out in your head and you have no control. And you feel you body burning, your head tightening, your brain getting too big for your skull, and an audiance of non helpful shadows and angels floating around you. It is crippling, it is debilitating, it is not sexy, nor fun, it ruins everything you love, and no one gets you because its that diverse and uniquely tailored to each individual life.

Maybe I am fucked up, but I feel like anxiety, depression and certain forms of PTSD are more “socially acceptable”. Like there is more talk about that. Like those are the easy ones to talk about.

Then there is bipolar which everyone makes fun of because apparently every dudes ex-girlfriend was bipolor just because she was on the rage and he’s a fucking misogynistic douche bag that equate all feelings from women to a mental illness.

Then there are the quirky OCD, strange phobias and which is waaaaaaaaay way more socially acceptable.

Of course then there are the other disorders that really suck and may be the actual root of the said depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts. But we don’t talk about them because that’s too deep. Be honest with you my therapist barely wanted to talk about this shit. Anytime I talked about what was actually happening to me she would stop me to make sure I knew “it wasn’t real”. And she would opt for talking about how my family was doing. Like I don’t have a place to even truly unload this shit, and like I really want anyone to hear this shit, or for to even ever have existed. But wtf am I suppose to do? 

Seriously I seriously feel like I had the whole fucking psychological book thrown in my head. I don’t know if other Schizo’s feel like this but it literally feel like every disorder, delusion, phobia and syndrome alll rolled up into one none stop living  nightmare.

And its not talked about, but its fucking crazy, it feels crazy. And much as you want to share the craziness there is nothing to hold on to…. It doesn’t make sense. Even if you tried to make sense. There is no sense to be made from the voice in your head.

I told my friend finally that I have schizophrenia, and he told me “you’re  strong”, “you will get through it”. But I’m over here worried that there is nothing to “get through” this is my life, and sleeping all day trying to avoid conscious images of child abuse or to avoid killing myself does not feel like i am strong. I don’t know if there is a nother side to this. This maybe my life forever. 

I’ve always been the kind a person to really push through some hard shit. I just can’t with this one. I can barely even think. All I can do is write how my soul is constantly being raped. 

So YAY I got the worse one! 

Tried to be a good personal and all I got was this schizophrenia!

FML.

Yackety Yack (mind chatter)

(This is from a kundalini group I’m in. Fuck Yickety Yack!)

​Have found this post, one of a few from what seems to be a very clear seeing man.  Name, lance kelly. Yackety Yack

The talker inside the head has a mantra – yackety yack, yackety yack. From morning until night yackety yacks about nothing in particular until, exhausted, it temporarily withdraws to yack some more on the periphery of sleep. Upon awakening afresh to a new day, yackety is already up and about, harping on about this and that or stoking up some grainy emotional syrup for a breakfast feed. Yackety loves to give to others and often emanates a dark mood or noxious cloud so that family or loved ones can share in the fun.
The yacker revels in the busyness of the day, and in the workplace is content for a while focusing on the job at hand. But at morning break yackety is unleashed, complaining of being stressed out and snowed under with work. However, boredom or the cessation of thought is simply intolerable to it for, without the momentum of the mind, the yacking grinds to a halt. This is extremely rare except in those incredible moments when something happens through grace and the surface mind is stilled, and briefly there is nothing but the presence of love. Yackety would protest that it loves, unable to perceive beyond its personal attachments and opinions that are self-made impressions of its limited perspective of life.
The world is full of yackety yack. This includes contributions from political yackers, professional yackers, military yackers, media yackers, religious yackers and, of course, celebrity yackers. The drone of the combined yacking in the world can be heard chattering throughout the cosmos. It’s a racket that, fortunately, our galactic neighbours are able to switch off.
Intelligence arises in the body from birth as a necessary means of establishing the memory and an inner landscape in which to make sense of the environment. This intelligence of the body is the ego, whose job is to ensure the survival of the organism. What has happened is that with no defence against the emerging pressure for sensual experience, the yacker has usurped the ego’s identity to ensure the survival of not only the physical body but also the emotional body of self. It now holds the entire world to ransom.
Most people have yackety yacking all the time, unaware that what is thinking or talking through them is an impostor of imperceptible stealth and cunning. With its usurpation of the mind and emotions of the human race, it is the real dictator of the world. Mastering the thinker and banishing the yackety yacking inside the head is imperative for the peace of mind that people strive to attain. Recognising the enemy is the first step in eliminating this insidious possession from the underworld; it will not relinquish its position easily.

The Concept of Schizophrenia Coming to an End (article)Β 

https://truththeory.com/2017/08/31/concept-schizophrenia-coming-end-heres/

The concept of schizophrenia is dying. Harried for decades by psychology, it now appears to have been fatally wounded by psychiatry, the very profession that once sustained it. Its passing will not be mourned.

Today, having a diagnosis of schizophrenia is associated with a

life-expectancy reduction of nearly two decades. By some criteria, only one in seven people recover. Despite heralded advances in treatments, staggeringly, the proportion of people who recover hasn’t increased over time. Something is profoundly wrong.

Exes and Exorcisms

I read this article that narcissists try to stay friends with their ex’s in order to continue to drain them of their empathy and emotion availability only to further manipulate them to meeting their personal needs with out ever reciprocating. 

I thought of myself. My sexual partner would often become my best friend. I am social in the sense that I don’t care what your style is…. If you’re cool I like you as an individual. A “social butterfly”….. But just could never seem to stay in cliques too long. 

So my partner would be one of my best friends. We were the most intimate, comfortable we would go out and do things that maybe my other friends found lame.

So I kind of made this pack with myself that since I spent all this time with someone and my body with them…. That if only seemed fair to try to at least stay friends with them even if we didn’t work out. It would have to be a mutual thing and cordial at least.

I mean the first few were simply cordial. I left the door open and every so often we would check in with other or run into each other on the streets. As much as the break up may have hurt at the time, over time I worked on not holding resentments just because we didn’t work out. 

With my partner of 5 years I thought for sure we were going to be a married power couple in community arts. But…. He wanted to be polyamorous and I just had too many things going on that to then work through the emotions and worry wonder if someone was having sex in my bed was too much. It was what it was…. I tried to explore poly but I suck at it and it just felt like an emotional trap. I have enough rules. 

But we stayed good friends. Supportive once the dust settled. Check in every so often. Nothing major. But the love we had in that relationship I cherished and will always cherish. 

I always wondered how the friendship would fit into my life or with having a steady partner. I mean we didn’t hang out enough for me to put it at the forefront of a relationship, and I hadn’t gotten serious enough with someone to feel they could dictate my friendships if they felt uncomfortable.

I never talked about who I was seeing with my ex/friend tried to keep relationship drama to a minimum. That was my own rule of thumb.

But my last ex kind of provided a reason why being cordial if not friends with my exes were beneficial. When the voice/ demon popped up it did everything to isolate me not only from my ex but my friends and family…….. Even from myself. 

Because this voice sounded and “acted” (at least his internet persona) like my Ex, it was important to keep me away from him so I could not double check any “storylines” …. So I could not be comfortable enough to be like “hey did you send me a telepathic message telling me not to donate all my belongings to good will?” 😞 

I had tried multiple times to estatebish this type of friendship with him but it was a text maybe he didn’t answer but saw, he requested friendship on Instagram. But I was already in the under current with this Entity and any little meme or photo would trigger another series of delusions and my heart and mind could not handle. So I stopped feeding the hungry ghost. Wrote him a letter gently stating I was going completely out of my mind and blocked him. For my own good.

This all went against what I was trying to do as a person which was not demonize my exes and chalk it up to it just didn’t work out while seeing if the bond could be transformed into a friendship.

But hey………. I got this menacing demon. 

Even after peeling back all the delusion and storylines. After all the strengthening of my tender heart….. The demon “entity” insists on using the memory of this particular ex as a shield. Which to this day I will never understand and maybe what keeps it persistent.



Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑