Targeted Individuals πŸ‘€

So there are two schools of thought it seems with targeted individuals. People who think its government and people who think its spiritual. I guess there is prolly a group that thinks its aliens too…. So I guess three.

I happen to think its more spiritual … I guess. Entity/demon. I definitely don’t think its little green aliens with big head in a space ship.

My friend forward me this lengthy YouTube thing on targets. And she did hit some points that resonated with me. But essentially she went down the whole blood line in the bible to say that the British where the blessed ones and she instantly lost my attention.

This kind of hits on my previous post. That we need people of the right mind. While I’m sure its was a blind spot for her as a mixed race woman I’m instantly thinking about the murder of native people and enslavement of Africans. Don’t seem blessed to me.

Which goes back to foundations. She said this country use to be a great country. But it could never be with the foundation that it was laid upon. I live here now in this time. I guess no where in the world has great or peaceful past. But yea she lost me on that.

I don’t know if I’m a targeted individual. I don’t know if I am possessed or if this a dark night of the soul. I’m unsure. I’m am sure that this is bullshit. I know that I am over it. I know I don’t want to see people suffer.

So yea. My friend seems to really be stuck on the target individual thing. And I am here for her. I just can’t seem to settle into any one ideology. 

I know sleeping meds had an effect so I’m not sure, what a different mix’s of meds will do now. 

That’s why I said discern and keep it simple. I believe in god.

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Questions? 🌍

So like hella writers, leaders, teachers, scientists, artists, people who have “advanced” civilization in some way, many were/are hella racist, sexist, classist, homophobic, ect ect……. 

And I’m sitting here wondering if they supposedly advanced humanity can we trust their work?

This was sparked after reading a quote about hilter that Jung made. Something about how hilter was a mouthpiece for what whispered through Germans souls.

While, I CAN take the best and leave the rest. Can we trust someone, who in some ways may have been a Nazi sympathizer, construct frameworks for our mode of understanding and thinking and or psychological make up?

I think you get where I am going with this. Its everywhere and it’s overwelming. Its like can capitalism ever evolve or be fixed when the foundations snd roots are based in racist and imperial thought?

Same with science.

We need thinkers who can override this shit. From science, psychology, religion, governing, invention. We are all sitting here arguing shit, hoping it will change and all it takes is one dude to come out the woodwork to set us back 100 years.

Just saying. 

Revisiting Shadow WorkπŸ‘€

I decided to revisit shadow work again briefly today. So some of my major issues. 

  • Sexual Abuse (specifically children)
  • My ex (twin flame, fear of being used)
  • Suicide
  • Racism (and being biracial, being pc)
  • Health (was on a health journey prior, self love)
  • Making others comfortable, not rocking the boat with existence.
  • Mental health (I guess now that is a worry, if I will never function in the outside world again)
  • Judgment (others, myself or being) 

I guess that’s enough for now.

Well I’m kinda stuck at this reintegration phase. I feel neither here nor there about my ex, and yet it still plays out. But my major concerns are Sexual Violence and Racism. I feel like I will be stuck here forever because I won’t budge. Racism sucks ass and Sexual Violence is like the worse thing in the world. I don’t know how to NOT have judgment when these things hurt our civilization deeply.

While the Entity enacts sexual violence on me and calls me a child molestor at the same time, I’m just unsure how to untangle this. I can pin point the how, the why, when…. But just don’t know how to reconcile this. When I am being sexual violated by the Entity, (through various forms) I have tried not to responsed as much as I use to but mostly I am tired and maybe numb.

Its just that sexual violence is sooo personal…. Its so close to home, it flash of the worse memories. It effects how you deal with others, trust, where you go, everything.

So I’m just having a difficult time with this one. 

I doubt that will relieve my head feeling like its a vice being squashed.

But, I just refuse to move on that. 

ACHOO πŸ‘½

Disclaimer: I am in no way telling people to abuse drugs. Read at your own discretion. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Diphenhydramine is an antihistamine used to relieve symptoms of allergy, hay fever, and the common cold. These symptoms include rash, itching, watery eyes, itchy eyes/nose/throat, cough, runny nose, and sneezing. It is also used to prevent and treat nausea, vomiting and dizziness caused by motion sickness.

So for about two months I have been using a cocktail of 4 ZzzQuil (to go to sleep) and 4 benadryl (to stay asleep). Only as needed for the rough days. I have used the benadryl in the past and it has helped with going to sleep. It works. But there is something about the ZzzQuil that makes this Entity flip. Like it gets stupid and I’m just sitting there watching/listening able to function as normal. 

Most days I would eventually fall asleep, but last night the Entity kept me more in… Almost like a “black out”, I was consciously aware of the Entity speaking or tactics to keep me in that odd place between conscious and dreams. So I just popped up kinda upset went to the bathroom and then gave sleeping another go. 

I’m not interested in the dream state, I’m interested in the last few cycles of deep sleep. I slept aight, BUT there was a huge difference in both the volume as well as the effects OF the Entity as I had noticed before.

I guess that’s maybe why anti-psychotics make you sleepy (if they work at all).

Who knew Demonic Alien Entity voices were like a common cold?!

Funny enough when the Entity first started playing with me it kept saying “Achoo” to the point I didn’t even want to say “bless you” to anyone. I guess they love irony. And I’m definitely allergic to bullshit that’s a definite. 

I have not been fully liberated from this Entity as of yet. I am baffled that deep sleep and common cold medicine would help in alieviating the intensity. That along with meditation (awareness of the body), stretching out any “energies” in the body,  and not falling for any of the bullshit (mental and emotional pains).

The Entity can still “suggest” thoughts, images, zap, replay loops grabbing for straws as a way to look for something to exploit. But I don’t feel like there is a rod stabbing through my brain and the volume is way lower. Still a lot of head pressure but enough to notice the difference.

I will always fight, even though I make look, sound, feel depressed because of the cosmic trash I will always fight.

If someone does end up trying. Please use discretion according to your body and current health conditions. Also let me know if there any changes for you.

I’m looking to detox soon. I was wondering if I have to be lazy and unhealthy to rid myself of this thing. I’m almost afraid to loose weight again, the Entity has always attacked when I was at this strange cross roads of transitioning (loosing weight, job loose, end of relationship, moving etc). 

But I know better now and hopefully before the winter I can start detoxing my organs and being more acting once this pointless pressure is off my head.

Woke and slept on.

l e v e l s πŸŒΏ

I am currently not on medication. With out medication the Demon Voice Entity HAS gone to a volume of say …… 10-20. The burns on my vagina are now buzzing. There is “progress”, or the illusion of progress.

I know I should be happy. Grateful. But, I’m not. There is no level of this that is acceptable. Zero.

I feel …… Restless. Its like a new level of restless. Usually if I was restless I would go to the gym or ride my bike around for fun. Noe I have to be concerned if I am going to have a stroke, heart attack or panic attack because of this Entity. Panic attacks while working out is just as stressful.

So its a restlessness with no channel. It’s a waiting for an unknown. I know what I want to do… Have to do…. To get healthy (despite the entity), I just can’t seem to lock of the pieces in place. I try though.

I called a few referrals for therapy/psychiatrist and none of them take my insurance. I would rather be under no care than terrible care that only cares about pushing meds. I am/was even willing to try the meds now, since I know that my brain (through testing with weed and over the counter sleeping meds) wave states have a lot to do with how this entity functions.

I said in a forum, that we give these entities more credit than they deserve. They are not intelligent. When I am blacked out and forced to observe these Entity play, there is nothing intelligent about them. For lack of a better way of explaining it….. Its like watching a 2 year old try to explain rocket science. 

Our brain is needed for filtration and rational formation of thought. It is more instinctual than intelligent to attach to a host and use up all its resources than intelligent. It is when we question that the stories evolve, the lies are told to distract us from ever truly understand why or how.

So reasoning with a parasite is pointless.

More so I want to motivate myself to try to get back to a healthy version of me. I don’t know if its because it is a want for me…. And the entity wants to replay that over and over. But either way it is a true desire and I just feel so……. Stuck. Here. Listening to this shit all day. Reduced to eating, shitting, smoking and sleeping all day. To cope. Survive. I hate it. Its not me.

I tried though, meds, docs, check ups, prayers, shamans, healers, waiting…….

I tried. 

“Archon Mind Parasite Self-Defense”

This video is interesting and grounding. 

1. While I truly enjoy understanding the “chakra system”, I believe it is a great way of understanding and bring mindful of the part of our body. I also do not truly believe we have 7 cones of energy. I think it can be a good way to understand organs and parts of the mind by compartmentalizing these idesas but not as an actual system. The concept is fine….. But diving deep into the illusion of being some super human is where we get caught by these Entities. 

We are electromagnetic, this is true. We have metals in our body. But how that actually looks I have no idea. 

2. As stated these beings will pretend to be anything of authority. And will play off of both bad and “positive” emotions or words to control. So it really is a double edge sword. So I have narrowed the single most important thing is ignorance. Lack of awareness will have you pulled in so many different directions. Happy sad angry. So when we are aware that these being are trying implant mistrust or fear anger or even manic happiness we are not in control. 

3. More recently I “saw” visuals that were not visions of “light” that looked like a couple of different things. One looks like maybe 20 circles inside of each other, another like jellyfish lights, others are sparks of “light” or globs of colorful “energy” that looks like its leaving my being . This is false light , this is not real light. It is not coming from the sun, or a lamp. I doubt it is coming from me. But even if this “light” is coming from me, the fact that it is being tampered with to create “light” is still false. So be careful of being lured by “the light”. All that glitters is not gold.

4. Between being in spiritual forums and schizophrenic forums to just everyday interactions it is very easy to see how we are all affected. Its easy to observe.

5. I have no idea how to get rid of these things. Again prior to being “attacked” I was on an organic diet and fairly happy with only a break up that rattled my spirit. However prior to this full fledged experience, I can recall up until the age of 15 where these beings have been around me. Or have acted as “spirits” of loved ones, or “angels” or supposed “spirit guides. Being young, i just accepted it as such cause i didnt know any better. Movies, religion and so on talks about spirits, angels, demons, ect so it is socially acceptable. I moved on with my life. But this ignorance, because no that was not my deceased grandma or grandpa, and no that flash of light was not an angel trying to help you, that ignorance is what comes to haunt me later.  

Don’t get me wrong, that idea of believing in angels or the spirit of our loved ones “being with us”, there is nothing wrong with this idea. If we want to embody the archetype idea of an angel is fine,if we want to comfort ourselves with the idea of our deceased loved ones looking down on us or living on “through us” as a form of ancestry that’s fine. Poetic of sorts. But these ideas can also be manipulated by these beings. In fact anything can if we don’t have our Witt’s about us. 

So again its not a clear cut answer.

Lol but if I find one I will surely let you know. For now I am careful what I believe and keep things simple. Because these parasites are always trying to drag me into a storyline so they can position themselves in a place of power rather than what they really and truly are. 

I Deserve This

Its Demon/ Shadow Entity whatever. Pretty simple …. There is no going back from this. There is no SURPRISE I was your angel spirit guide all along pushing you to what? Quit your job, ruin ever relationship, gain 100lb and sleep all day. There really is no coming back from this on any level. 

There is no prize, The demon tried to encourage me to keep going through the experience because in the end I would get my ex back or, be a better person, or some magical awakening ability. No there is no light at the end of this tunnel. You don’t get a prize for enduring pointless visions of child abuse or feeling like your brain is being sucked through a straw. There is no “upgrade” as we are designed as we should be. And I’m pretty sure any evolutionary changes would be extremely slow or generational. 

I deserve this, I clearly have done something to deserve this. Whether it was being disrespectful to my parents when I was young, being gay (who knows), having to to do sex work to survive, doing a few drugs, I might have borrowed/ stolen a couple things in my life. And while I try for the majority my hardest to be honest, I’ve definitely told some lies in my life. 

There is something I did to deserve this. Known or unknown. Do I feel like the punishment fits the crime, whatever it is….. No. But clearly that doesn’t matter. I did something or a couple of things that warrants demons being unleashed on me…. What they do from there… I guess is up to them and its not about being fair. Or balanced, or even learning a lesson at this point. I can’t even find the lesson in all of this because its just too much torture and confusion. Getting a lesson is for our own sake. It is our way of making peace. There is no prize, no lesson. 

This doesn’t excuse or make up for anything I have done. Enduring this doesn’t excuse what I have done in the past to deserve or contract this. This doesn’t wipe the slate clean. This doesnt purify. There is no lesson. Just abuse. 

There is no new age path, story or fantasy that applies. There is no cure. 

Even if my prayers and wishes came true and this Demon(s) *poof* magically went away, there is always the chance that it will come back and either try to ruin my life or make it even worse when I am down. There is no guarantee that this Demon will never come back and be gone forever.

No one will ever love me with this demon around. 

So it doesn’t matter. Nothing I do matters. 
Broken.

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

Psychological Profile of the Entity

So there is a level of acceptance that I need to reach …… Everything I have experienced in the last year and a half and counting has been INSANE!!!! To say the least…. As I tried to report honestly in this blog. 

I have disassociate from the experience because it it was nothing but lies. There was no telepathy, no twin flame, I didn’t hurt anyone, I don’t know what exactly I’m “”paying” for. And it def ain’t the voice of God. 

So. 

Midigating my reality and this very dark experience has been ridiculously hard. Petrifying to be exact.

Many people believe that this experience is just some mental illness, its schizophrenia, or the subconscious mind. I’ve pegged it as a Demon…. Or whatever version of that you want to name it. As I’ve said before every culture or belief has some version of naming IT.

So in my observations….. And my recollections I can only throw the whole psychological book at this “Entity”.

I mean it manipulated me into trusting it. Stalked for years, waited for the right moment, the right cover, the right story, the right person to hide behind. It used fear, guilt, shame, humiliation and torture to maintain control. And I am suppose to believe this is just my subconscious mind?….. My ego “acting up”? If this is ego death….. Its was dead for years. 

This post was triggered because I saw the term “word salad” used in a video about Narcissists. I googled it and found it was both something people with “mental illnesses” do consciously and unconsciously. Wiki describes it as;

Word salad may describe a symptom of neurological or psychiatric conditions in which a person attempts to communicate an idea, but words and phrases that may appear to be random and unrelated come out in an incoherent sequence instead. Often, the person is unaware that he or she did not make sense.

Wiki also spoke about random and rhythmic as a way a “word salad” may be presented. Which this Entity does often. Rhyming with words off of the TV… Or randomly droping phrases to fish for a thought it can play off of or exploit. I believe the YouTuber who mentioned the term “word salad” was trying to speak to how Narcs divert from being directly questioned by using “word salad”…. Which leaves someone confused and uses it to their benefit in some sort of way.

Another thing is that, I know for a fact that there is only ONE Entity here with me (tho I could always be wrong) because one day I was wondering WHY was this Entity talking so fast. It was presenting itself as both a female and a male to maintain a storyline at the time but the speech pattern was extremely fast. So I came to the conclusion that it was just one.

Often when the Entity wants to scare me …. Or is bored, or wants to make me feel like shit…. It splits into another character(s) and starts talking about me …. Whatever the subject may be. That normally only happens “outside of me” meaning it doesn’t come off as a thought or telepathy…. But off of other sounds such as a TV. But it is only ONE Entity. 

Yea I know crazy.

So I’m sitting here observing this Entity play out whatever sick fantasy it has with me and trying to say it was my own. But I’m having a hard time accepting that. Because I know myself. 

My pseudo psychological assessment of the Entity is as such:

Narcissist: charming, confusing, liar, manipulative, demeaning, controling, abusive, lack of empathy, grandiose, entitled.

Obsessive: Constant thoughts, “suggestions” or urges of usually unhealthy or painful things. My ex (“twin flame”), eating, cigarettes, painful memories, fears or vulnerabilities etc. Also used as a way to control.

Personality disorder: Makes up characters or hides behind the persona of other people in order to manipulate and or “play”. 

Psychopath: has no shame, guilt or regaurd for another life. Abusive. Plots and plans to manipulate to what means I am unsure. Said it wants me to “commit suicide” or “make me go crazy” by means of torture and fear. 

I mean I’m now labeled as Schizophrenic because I have to hear this crazy shit all fucking day. I’m sure I have a few others such as obsessive, I mean I can be a bit OCD when it comes to gathering information… Or my art. So I can look at myself and realize those things. Also “dissociative” and or “depersonalization” are more recent because I can not relate to what is happening to me anymore.

I just don’t see how you just wake up one day like this. 

I mean you read Psych 101 and you will always kind of be like well Yea I have anxiety, or Yea I act like this when I’m mad… Or I do this or that sometimes. Whatever you resonate with. But all in all you’re fine and you go about your life. I mean none of this really popped up for me until last year and my life came to a screeching halt.

This Entity that is supposedly my “subconscious” is ABUSIVE…. Seriously its like being in an abusive relationship you can’t get out of. And I’m not one to stick around for that kinda shit. I’ve shadow worked, atoned for my relationships, I’ve questioned myself, I’ve truly looked at it from every angle possible. And have not found any true reason or justification for this Entities presence or being subjugated to this experience.

But alas I will observe.

But I will also fight.