Sister Sister (pt. whatever) πŸ˜‡πŸ™πŸ˜ˆ

So tonight my sister asked me to help her in the bed. And I have slowly been trying to ween her off of asking me for help. I mean she had a stroke, didn’t really push herself in physically therapy as much I would have like to have seen, but FORCED herself to go back to work being partially disabled now. Not because its a lot of money but because she loves her job. And my moms and I best instincts we supported her. It would be good exercise. 

Which means that half of my life is currently dedicated to making sure she looks good for the world. But at home constantly cleaning up human waste, helping her put on clothes and getting her things. But some how she braves the streets on NYC and goes to work at rush hour. Which is more than I have been able to do unless its another emergency. 

My sister asked me to help her to bed. But for some strange reason I help he to bed and she gets up 5 mins later for juice and then asks for help again. Sooooo….  I told her NO this time. I tried to explain to her why and she told me to “shut up!“. So I told her, “Fuck you! You’re so RUDE!

And GUESS What the Demon tried to do, tried to GUILT me about the ENERY I was sending my sister and saying it was going to go over and kill her because I told her “fuck you”. 

So I told the demon, “Fuck you too go back to hell”. I thought if this demon wants to hurt my sister at this point that is that Demons choice not mine. What am I gonna do? Grab at air? I already tried that smacking one out of her room. I already put up prayers on every mirror. I bit my tongue and faked being happy for her healing process and was having (still) having a delusional break down being burned and raped all the while having to be a maid and being yelled at. 

This whole being “conscious of the energy I bring our put out there” is now another form of GUILT for this demon to play with after working on many layer and finally getting to a place of soon braving the world. Like I’m not allowed to say NO. I said NO to this Demon(s) so many times and yet . …….Here it remains. I’ve ignored it, I’ve scolded my skin with hot herbal baths, I prayed, I’ve paid, I’ve given up everything in this false “ascension”. 

My sister is not my child and she reminds me of hold old she is every week. I just wish we were just….. Sisters again. 

Since she going back to work now, I have tried to focus on getting a game plan together for my own healing. On my own. Since nothing I paid for worked other than ODing on benadryl /sleep medication and some fake ass excuse for this perverse Demon being in my life “shamans” calling it a “generational curse”.

Check This! I can still be conscious of my “energy” and still express myself. How amazing is that!? Even if I didn’t have this Demon pop up and try to murder me I still would be angry. Look at the world! It’s where I channel my anger. And at the same time I can’t be responsible how some perceives my “energy”. I can only be responsible for how I carry myself. If that person is so perceptive then they should also have compassion in understanding that persons “energy” as well, while simultaneously not taking it on as their own. But I also understand that there are people unaware, sensitive and under attack. Like me. 

The Demon said, “let the games begin!”

πŸ˜©πŸ˜’ UHg.

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I was suggested to take magnesium to help sleep with this schizophrenia. The person suggested that many people who drink a lot end up being magnesium deficient which he believes in can lead to schiz. (That’s a big jump, but I respect the leap). So I thought well alcohol turns into sugar anyway. So I looked up the relation between that. So the magnesium is something I can do and possibly have a doctor prescribe so I don’t have to come out of pocket.

As stated in my blog, I feel like schiz deals many levels of “consciousness”, not the fantasy one like actual levels of awareness like being asleep dreaming lower brain waves or to being on full alertness. Either way sleep is healing. It took an abnormal amount of sleep and rest to heal schiz so far.

Another man in the forum said that when he “started eating healthier that he felt like the voices got worse!” The same happened to me. When my diet was better I also felt attacked the fiercest. So why when we know we are being healthy, getting good sleep, active, in touch with our emotions would we feel like the VOICES are WORSE or we are being attacked?

Why would we be prevented from being our bests selves?

I’m a nerd so I will definitely track results. πŸ™Œ

You don’t look depressed. πŸ‘€

The counselor yesterday asked me if I was depressed and I was about to go into a long winded explanation, in which he stopped me and asked me to answer in a yes or no form. So I thought about it and told him yes. 

He paused staring at his computer and said, “looking at you, you don’t sound or seem depressed.” And said something about me being able to articulate myself. I told him, “well I’m being kept from everything I love” this included being me. I can’t go out, I don’t feel comfortable being active cause i feel like my head will schizophenically combust, so going and getting veggies is out, and if I cook I just get zapped of my energy, even getting to the clinic was physically painful because of weight I put on so quickly. I can’t be with friends, I’m afraid to embarrass my family like I did in church on easter, so I don’t go events anymore and I pretty much stay still and eat cookies all day while trying to keep some ounce of sanity researching, connecting and writing.

So.

I’m not who I know myself to be. But I’m still myself. I guess my lifestyle, possessions and friends were stripped.

But I’m still me. But not the me I want to be. But “still me” wants to eat veggies, ride bikes, go to free concerts, hang in a park, and talk for hours and work diligently towards helping community/ humanity. I just can’t be that now.

I took Anti-depressants πŸ’Š

So I took some antidepressants and I feel ….. LESS happy if I really explore all my feels. I feel less happy, more….. Dry? Is the best way to maybe describe it. 

Just dry………… Are emotions just the boogers and mucous of our minds?

I mean believe it or not I’m pretty level headed. I even shocked my self with whole archon alien schizophrenia bullshit. Its an insane experience. Just like, “self what’s going on?” Self never replied BUT apparently these archon’s did. 

My emotional reactions to this experience are not clouding my judgment, but I do want to figure out HOW can I be remarkably me and get rid of an archon while not being hopped up on meds that make me feel like I blew my mental/ emotions into a kleenX. 

Archon: Hypothesis : Movement πŸ’ƒ

OK. So I have a Hypothesis:

I was attack viciously each time I began to make strides in my health journey. Usually I lost about a 100lb but I also was super active. During these times I would start my health journey around when I was unemployed (less money for food and transportation) so I would end up walking or biking everywhere and had more time to think about this. 

Now this last attack had me floored unable to move from the physical, emotional and mental pain. So in some ways I gave up….. But that’s OK. However now I have two or three huge Archon’s (about the size of my head) comfortably “feeding off of me” one at a time. 

So there is something linked to my “health” and them. 

If something feels threatened what does it do? It attacks! 

It was a perfect storm….. Too perfect! My health was a threat and so it waited for the perfect opportunity to to attack and exploit any emotional or physical pain I may have had/have. 

Does being phsycially active drain them of opprotunity to steal your energy because in a sense you are using your own towards your wellness?

My only concern if for people who are not well and how this plays out for people who are unable to be active, then what?

I am sure many of you ARE in fact active but yet were still attacked. So I can’t conclude to anything just yet.

I can’t explain to you HOW aggressive this attack was. Like literally being in the pit of hell 24/7. Since it has mellowed out. The voice of the Archon does not me feel like my brain is about to explode, but I have also refused (protested in my body) to do much other than sit an observe these Archons for a year now making it extremely comfortable with in this cute chubby body.

Its like constantly being thrown off course each time worse than before each time you make major strides.

Meditation was good for learning to observe and discern what was me and what is NOT me. 

Yoga, messages, stretching, were all good in learning how to literally release energy in places you never paid attention to. 

Prayer, faith in God gave me hope that some day I, we all will be free. 

And Bruja, “white magic”, kitchen witchery, ancestory taught me the herbs, foods and intention of love that will heal/ clean the body and personal space. 

I just can’t seem to get all my gears going again cause these Archon’s are off the hook with attacking me anytime I make any strides. That’s why I just choose to sit here like a monk and not do anything. 

As much I want a reflection of love in my life, in a way I feel …… Diseased, dirty …. Even though I know we all have one. I guess that is real love, recognizing each other disease (archon) and vunerablity and healing that for each other in stead of exploiting the pain. That is a true power that very few can wield. 

I just don’t know why I can’t seem to do that myself. Alone. To banish these demons from every cell in my body. 

There has to be an answer, a way, a key, a perminate solution. 

“Dark Night of the Soul” is Bullshit πŸƒπŸ’©

This whole concept of “dark night of the soul” is bullshit. At least my version is. 

Life has its ups and downs natrually and yes we gain lessons from it whatever, some times we are lost…. confused, mistake are made whatever. But this concept of the “dark night of the soul”, while it DESCRIBES AN experience it is also spiritually misleading to say you did something to deserve this, or “this is a gift”, you’re turning into lil bitty butterfly to fly away into the astral planes.

Uhm NO, you are being spiritually and psychically abused for no reason AT ALL and you were given a really lame ass excuse fantasy lullaby as to why, called the dark night of the soul. 

SO. You are told to “surrender” MORE, be MORE “healthy”, do MORE yoga, all this “trust the process”, accept the pain and karma and bla bla bla….

NO. You are enough at any given moment. “Learning to surrender” means what? To what? Cause honestly this whole shit was a set up and fuck all of the programs that limit your divine free will! All of them!

FUCK the “Twin Flameβ„’” program (love, lust, heartbreak, relationship, obsession exploitation), FUUuUCK the “Dark Night of the Soulβ„’” (spiritual and psychic abuse) program, fuck “Kundaliniβ„’” (spirit, possession, health) bullshit, fuck the “Conspiracy Theoryβ„’” program (mofos out here trying to find the edge of the earth, aliens that prolly don’t even look like REAL aliens, ghost goblins, government whatever ect). Fuck “Ascencion /Awakening β„’” program (feeling all these crazy “energy”, new earth bs, religious, shamanism, activations, light body “evolution”, empathic, insane 1111 bullshit, “consciousness” bs, “ego death”, past life karma) bla bla bla bla bla. NOPE its all psychological mental, emotional and physical exploitation abusive warfare. No homie you haven’t transcended shit, just jumped from the frying pan into the fire. 

NO, NOPE …. Just no. It’s just prolly possession, which is some “implant” demonic archon program (playing you like video game) you literally possess (have) playing out whether you are aware of it or not. 

Fuck it all….. Fuck “the path“, fuck this fake ass “spiritual journey” bullshit that is meant to control you and make you feel like you’re doing something (wrong or good) with your life. Like your life has no meaning (which is does! And its not to sit here and eat bullshit flakes all day). I mean HEY if you are THAT bored in life be my fucking guest. If you want to take on some bullshit burden of some fake ass past life karma that you know nothing about and has nothing to do with your ACTUAL life, gah head. If that works for you! Won…der. ..ful……. 

All this shit is basically excusing “spiritual violence / abuse” and we want to say as people who want a better earth for ALL, that because someone didn’t get cosmically JUMPED by some demonic archon alien jelly fish thing that they are “spiritually bypassing”, granted some people are just fake ass bitches, but if you want to wear a badge of honor for being spiritually raped and tortures for no fucking reason, cool. Wear your super star 🌟 sticker, I however could and would have done better with out this waste of time. Call me arrogant, but clearly you never had rape simulated on you everyday for two fucking years after being physically raped.

You don’t need it! It’s unnecessary, you don’t need a spirit guide if you are already your best self in each moment. Where are the spirit guides for the rapist?! Fuck fake ass spirit guides too, lying ass mother fuckers, guess what your spirit guides real name isn’t Jim, or Greg or Tiffany or Isis. So already your whole “relationship” is built on a lie! ANY MORE lies you would like to tell your subject JIM?!?

Its a matrix of lies. That’s a truth. That doesn’t make nature any less real or YOU any less human. This is not a “holographic” universe its a holographic bullshit mind matrix that is void of any actual truth or love to confuse and distract the shit out of people frim being their best selves. 

Throat “chakra” game on point cause speak from the heart. Fuck out of here with all this bulshit! And all the lies and manipulation to misdirect and deceive people of the earth!

That’s the new earth!

AH fucking CHOO to all the Bullshit! 

C R Y I N G πŸ˜’

I did have a suicidal thought just now cause I really really tired of their pedophile tactics aaaaalllll day. And I’m trying to “stay strong” but the Archon Demon Alien dot thing keep saying “If I were you I would commit suicide instead of enduring all this” referring to the pedo child molestor incest rape torture simulation it does. 

Like my friend sent me “love and light” energy today and this was the FIRST time EVER i actually felt love and light energy. It was warm and went into my belly area (where there is an archon) and almost immediately I wanted to be creative and draw or make a poem. Like I’ve spent $3,000 in the last two years on “healers” trying to address this shit and this was the first time I felt something like that. 

So I drew a picture, the archonπŸ’© still harrassed me on my parents TV as I was drawing I ignored it. And immediately after I felt good and satisfied with my drawing and went to lay down and they/it whatever went into a pedo attack flashing images of children and zaping my genitiles and its driving me to my limits.

So yea I said “considering it” (suicide)

Like I try to toughen up …  But then I break down…. Cause I hate it and I cry, and my friend said its good to cry but I hate crying cause they force me cry sometimes for fun and like you can only cry so much. So I write or act like I don’t care now.

 I’ve told them to leave already all day, poking them with sage. Its not listening and what they do to my body is so gross. 

My friend keeps telling me no schiz meds and just hold on cause things are changing. They (archons darkness) have already lost cause people are waking up and can see them, sense them, and see the game. Ect. 

But I just can’t with this pedo shit anymore, nothing is worth this gross shit, super power, ability, love, heaven, 5D earth, getting on the space ship N O T H I N G!!!!! Ever!

😟

Spiritual Abuse πŸ”ͺπŸ”«πŸ’£

There is no reason to be spiritually attacked there is no excuse. That’s like a rapist saying she asked for it because wore a short skirt. Fuck THAT!

Victims of spiritual/astral abuse will blame themselves. They will say, “I deserve this because I lied when I was 12 years old” or something just as ridiculous. We seek peace and that’s the easiest route than grabbing at air. But we seek NOW. Dwelling on the pasts on shortens our time in becoming the person we wish to be the best versions of ourselves. 

Our capitalist system says “you are not enough!” , so by this product and subscribe to this lifestyle. Spirituality /religion says you are not enough, you didn’t pray enough, you did something bad, some past life bullshit generational curse, that you didn’t meditate enough, that you didn’t eat organic enough. In relationships, we feel like we aren’t pretty enough, or doing enough or have enough money or enough love or trust. 

So it is NO WONDER these astral parasites …. Spiritual abusers go on to say YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. You’re ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, crazy, no body likes you, you have no friends, kill yourself, no money, you are not good at what you do, you don’t know what you are doing, you need our guidance, unlovable, unworthy, you’re an addict, you will never understand, you don’t have knowledge. 

You will never be enough, when you are! 

I am a complete being. I have my own “dark” and own “light”. I grow as needed. Forced “darkness” or this bullshit “dark nigbt of the soul”, is abused pushed by astral parasites. Saying it’s because you did this or that, that YOU weren’t enough is excusing this program and act of spiritual violence. Finding peace and “learning from” the abuse is the gift we give ourselves to cope and to heal. We weave stories of some past life karma, a curse, blame ourselves. “This happened to me because…………….” 

Outside of that we are excusing unseen and intangible abuse. By subscribing to this idea that pain is our greatest teacher, is superficial and more than likely you never been in a full blown psychic attack.
You are saying our current system, all system are fine as is and should operate and function with no change.

This whole you “change your reality” is bullshit. You know how hard I’ve fought?!? All this law of attraction, most people want car, money love. I want the change, justice, peace, safety for all people! 

NOTE: The demon suggested pain and my smoking cigs (cause you devils advocate). Now do I know smoking is bad? Yes. Do I wish to change that? YES. Do I think I should be raped everyday by some demon for going on two years? NO.
Whatever. But I’m the crazy one.

Fuck this demon! 

Crazy Talk: Jelly Monster πŸ‘»πŸ’”

So I can see the effects of the demon, I can feel them, hear them, but I can’t see the actual demon that’s conducting it. 

I believe that many healer are able to remove the effects but not the actual entity. Maybe some can. But none of the ones I went to. 

So, I see this jelly monster (looks like a clear slimmer) that moves around me. I state previously in my blog that, I don’t think this is the entity but the “energy” it sends kinda like and extension of sorts it copies. Its not easy to see but I see it. I think its the same “energy” that screams repeatedly, mimics other peoples voices and music, repeats what I say, the gives me tremors and that can copy cat emotions like anxienty or headache, intense tension, feeling ill, being high. Prolly other things too like images/vision. Almost like AI intelligence toy, but its not the main and I feel like its being controlled. 

Today I was wondering HOW did the entity pull off things like knowing when my ex (false/ twin flame) was going to call, or what song he was going to send me, when the cat took my chair and I wasn’t in the room. And a few other “prediction” or plain old’ nosiness. 

Either way. My assumption is that this jelly monster was being nosey with my ex or attached to my ex. Something maybe like that. And that’s how it copied his voice and knew info. Some people call it “attachment cords” this one looks like a clear jelly vibrating blob thing that moves around at medium speed in and out of vision some times sparkles if its close by like on my head. But then I’m like how the fuck did the jelly monster get to the edge of Brooklyn? Like it legit floated 20 miles?

πŸ’©πŸ‡πŸŠπŸš†πŸš„πŸš…β“‚πŸšˆπŸš•πŸš˜πŸšœπŸš βœˆβ›΅πŸš€πŸšβ‰

I hope my ex wasn’t harmed in any way. In the beginning I did so many “cord cutting meditations” because I just wanted whatever this was gone. I blamed my ex, i did. But I kept away from him so this demon wouldn’t make another game out of it. I’m pretty sure he is OK and doing fine. But if he went through a fraction what I went/ going through….. I am so sorry, even though none of this was my fault. I never sent ANYTHING to him in any way. Only trying to get through my own heart ache to move on.

Either way. That’s my theory of the jelly monster I have been seeing floating around the house or stuck in the bathroom. 

Crazy shit right? πŸ™

God……….  Why did I have to get the crazy one? 

I feel like I need a blunt and I don’t even like smoking. 🌴

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