My father never did anything to me.
Even though I was told that he did.
The child psychologist said it did. She speaks baby apparently.
It ruined our family.
I didn’t see him for 10 years.
I believe him but I guess I still resented him for not fighting for us. He was offended.
I had teenage angst at first …….. but it took years for me to mend our relationship. I was proud we did. Going to the beach was our thing. I was the son he never had. Tomboy. I was cool with it.
Now I have this Entity here in my life that first said I was “paying for my father”. That I was hearing all of this pedo shit all day because my father was accused and it was my fault.
Then I was told I was a pedo in a past life after I was told I was Isis. Either way I never claimed Isis I always had an affinity for Hathor because she went into a bloody rage when the men was disrespecting the women and children.
But now…….. hear pedo shit all day. If it’s not pedo shit it’s the Entity talking about my fathers penis and trying to make it seem like either is a turn on for me and it’s not. It’s fucking gross. I’ve heard this pedo incest shit none stop all day for 2+ years. I am tired.
So nothing ever happened and yet I have must be tortured by it. To the point of being incapable of living a normal life.
This despair has “lowered my vibes” to the point any entity can harm me. Go through me. In me.
I didn’t do anything. My father didn’t do anything. And yet we both suffer. I stay away from him like I do kids cause it grosses me the fuck out. What years I have left with him is looking at him like this. And it saddens me…… he missed almost half my life and now that I am here this.
And I don’t know why………. there is no lesson to be learned from this. Just pain and despair …..disgust.
Yea I can be like childhood trauma but it doesn’t make this Entity stop or go away. And it physically hurts. Feeling it in my body….. no matter what amount…. or volume……. it hurts. Rape is rape.
The spiritual community keeps talking about the energy and the shift and the event and I am so over this……… and knowing reality I don’t know if I will ever see relief or feel remotely like myself again cause I just sit her alone with this disgusting bullshit away from the world because I don’t even want out in the world.
I can’t even talk to my mom about it.
It’s so fucking gross. And I’m so tired. Tired of faking like strong be cursing out some invisible voice that tries to make me feel gross.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I can’t live.