Torture for Child Abuse that never happened

My father never did anything to me.

Even though I was told that he did.

The child psychologist said it did. She speaks baby apparently.

It ruined our family.

I didn’t see him for 10 years.

I believe him but I guess I still resented him for not fighting for us. He was offended.

I had teenage angst at first …….. but it took years for me to mend our relationship. I was proud we did. Going to the beach was our thing. I was the son he never had. Tomboy. I was cool with it.

Now I have this Entity here in my life that first said I was “paying for my father”. That I was hearing all of this pedo shit all day because my father was accused and it was my fault.

Then I was told I was a pedo in a past life after I was told I was Isis. Either way I never claimed Isis I always had an affinity for Hathor because she went into a bloody rage when the men was disrespecting the women and children.

But now…….. hear pedo shit all day. If it’s not pedo shit it’s the Entity talking about my fathers penis and trying to make it seem like either is a turn on for me and it’s not. It’s fucking gross. I’ve heard this pedo incest shit none stop all day for 2+ years. I am tired.

So nothing ever happened and yet I have must be tortured by it. To the point of being incapable of living a normal life.

This despair has “lowered my vibes” to the point any entity can harm me. Go through me. In me.

I didn’t do anything. My father didn’t do anything. And yet we both suffer. I stay away from him like I do kids cause it grosses me the fuck out. What years I have left with him is looking at him like this. And it saddens me…… he missed almost half my life and now that I am here this.

And I don’t know why………. there is no lesson to be learned from this. Just pain and despair …..disgust.

Yea I can be like childhood trauma but it doesn’t make this Entity stop or go away. And it physically hurts. Feeling it in my body….. no matter what amount…. or volume……. it hurts. Rape is rape.

The spiritual community keeps talking about the energy and the shift and the event and I am so over this……… and knowing reality I don’t know if I will ever see relief or feel remotely like myself again cause I just sit her alone with this disgusting bullshit away from the world because I don’t even want out in the world.

I can’t even talk to my mom about it.

It’s so fucking gross. And I’m so tired. Tired of faking like strong be cursing out some invisible voice that tries to make me feel gross.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I can’t live.


Alien Vibrational πŸ‘½πŸ’©

SO I realized WHY I can see them now!

I am vibrating at a lower vibe just like them so I can see them all around or in the house. I’m at there level more or less. 

Before I could only see the sparkles. Maybe feel some things. For me (now) this was a sign that I was being attacked but I was at such a “high vibe” that I only saw the sparkles (attack) of the subtle body, kinda like when you get hit and “see falling stars”, sparkles are an indicator that you are under attack or something is in your field.

Some of these new age people are going to feel real stupid later. Just saying.

So I’m basically im NOW vibing at an Archon level. Because I have been under attack for 2 years I can see them now. 

Before when my vibes were maybe higher, I was generally healthy, plant basted organic diet, physically active.

But, “love and light” “light workers” look down on people who’s vibes are “low” like they didn’t fight for their life. Like they didn’t do the best they can! Like they did something terrible to deserve it. 

I’ve blogged a year of being attacked by these entities, you’ve read my shadow work, you’ve heard my reviews on these shamans, you hear my conclusions that seem to align with a few well known speakers. I FIGHT LIKE MAD, it’s like I can never seem to fight hard enough.

So my friend (let’s call her my “soul sister”, she’s the one that told me I’m not crazy and don’t take meds) either way some light worker did work on her and said it was easy cause my friend was at a high vibe state. And now the voices are completely gone. Then she asked the lady to do work on me and she saw 3 of the 4 entities I know are here. She said she would have to work on it later because I’m not at a high vibe state. 

Would you be at a high vibration state if you were psychically raped, and forced to see third eye images of child abuse and be called a child abuser, told kill yourself and give up everything in you life. YEA you are not gonna vibe high at all. 

This is literally a layer of hell. Scared the shit out of me.

I fought so hard! I worked on my vibes and body for nothing. No one could have endured that attack unless you were just completely numb.

I have like 3-4 entities one! Like major entities!

Well NOW that we know what vibrational levels these Archon’s REALLY operate. And what they need to do to you to get you there level was through a “pedophile play” as they have called it.

Fuck them!

I will find a way to eradicate these things!

I just balled my eyes out through this whole post.

Real Talk: #MeToo πŸ’”

OK so it has been healing for me to write about my schizo demon freely in my blog because therapy was short and you never talk about the real stuff OR you get a gross bitch therapist who licks her lips like she was getting the juicy details of some ravenous sexapade when I tell I was raped, only for her to say, “some people like it like that”. Which is the same thing the guy who raped me said. My guess is her gross ass does. If I wanted to pay to be offended I would have just went on a dutch tinder date with another fuckboy. 

Point is. In my blog even though I mention rape, or child abuse, I try to be mindful of how I am writing it. I still have some shame. I don’t go into details of the rapes or nightmares or visions i recieve because well they are gross and triggering.

Same thing with the Hollywood/ Government rapist pedo call out and #MeToo stories coming out. How can we talk about this with out it being 1. Just sensationalism 2. Does not trigger sensitive people like myself 3. Does not become satisfying low key porn for people who are clearly rapists.

Telling our stories is important and healing. It’s just the internet is not really a safe space, there are trolls at every corner.

Idk. Hope it makes sense. 

Trigger Warning: ⚠ #MeToo

So everyone is on this sexual violence outcry which is important. Women and men are speaking up. This is great, from harassment to any form of sexual violence not being afraid to speak up is important. Most probably never reported it. 

In conjunction with the topic of sexual violence, so has the topic of pedo’s come up. Again which is good. But something is not sitting right with me. 

A friend posted a picture that said “Pedowood” talking about how Hollywood is just filled with pedos preying on children. Another guy said he saw a video on Facebook where Joe fucking Bidden told a little girl he “was horny and she was pretty”. Yes! I know. 

This shit is so problematic because its sensationalizing. If bidden really said that on camera why is he not in jail? 

The problem with this I because if someone made a fake video like that, they are basically making a form of pedo shit, they are sick and need to be banned from the internet. If they sat there and filmed it as well as circulated it with out permissions and with out saying something about it in that moment. Then its still on some pedo shit and they just basically watched a child get groomed for molestation for click bait. 

I’m triggered on so many levels because not only do I have a schiz demon that rapes and molests ME while calling ME a “child molestor”, my father was falsely accused by a therapist that he did something to me when I was 2 or 3 years old and I never saw him not once until I was 12 years old. Then when they told me that I had to even think about such a thing. The false accusations ripped my family apart and that is time my father and I will never have back. Who knows who either/any of us would have been had the therapist not thrown that out there. 

I know some women who (in general) blow the whistle on men saying they are child molestors, and because of this…… Because of false accusations like this people don’t take it as seriously as they should. Its problematic. 


How do I say this articulately?

The recent upserge in revealing;

1. How many people have been sexually violated at the alarming numbers both is empowering and dispowering. (#metoo)

2. Because this shit is triggering as fuck. 

I don’t want us as a collective to feel like super hero’s for exposing pedophiles without addressing the culture in which it thrives. That means ALL OF IT! I don’t know if I am making myself clear. 

There has been a lot of “fake news” articles circulated, about lady gaga, angelina jolie, Brad and a bunch of other, “celebs” that are “speaking out”. About secret societies and all this Illuminati establishment stuff when ……. Boop R. Kelly walks around a free man and we all sitting here two steppin.

Am I making my self more clear?

Its sensationalism with out a solution or real care for the people and children who are victims from harassment to sexual slavery.

When will this end?!
Kinda over the world. 

Super Power β˜ΊπŸ”«

Sooooooo….. I was waking up this morning … Slowly but waking up. I did my Benadryl/Zquil cocktail the day before so I could get a solid 6+ hours of sleep.

So I was in and out of sleep. But generally was OK. So I woke up, and the Entity once again showed me an image of child abuse. There was no reasoning. It wasn’t punishing, it wasn’t related to my dreams, just child abuse for the sake of child abuse …. Because its funny to this Entity.

Not the way I wanted to wake up. 

So basically this Entities super power is being a pedophile?!? 

That was originally how it got me to almost kill myself twice. But I guess it wanted to just flash another vision of child abuse for old times sake.

I’m really getting sick of this shit, and having to “be strong”. There is nothing strong about enduring this. 

While I have finally figured out this was a tactic used by this debased souless Entity demon thing. That doesn’t make any easier, in a way I pretend and act as though it doesn’t bother me in hopes that staying strong and not shedding a tear this thing will go away. But….  I don’t know if it ever will.

Just trying to find peace.