I want my body back!

I want my body, mind, soul, spirit back NOW!

I am waiting to see if i can get some cash flow so i can start eating better and organic again. I dont care what any omnivore says….. My body can not process meat the way others can. May on occasion or festivities….. But an every day basis of my diet. Nope. I gained soooooooo much weight.

When i went raw i lost 20lb in a month but thats too much in a month. And i dont want flab. Its difficult to cook in my parents house cause my mom is always in the kitchen and the refrigerator is always full with left overs.

I am slightly afraid that my vegetarian/vegan lifestyle had something to do with what seemed like my spontaneous awakening. But i have to do what i know is right for my body.

I’ve mapped my mental landscape and the games the demonic aliens play. But i want to get rid of them desperately.

At night in my dreams they take control of my spirit/consciousness and drive it through dreams. I cant say exactly how but its like they wear my spirit and drive it while im asleep creating an illusion dreamscape to play in. Which is 100 times better than their sad reality of floating around in space waiting to fuck with someone believe me.

I miss running….. Sweating…. Biking…. I had lost 130+lb over a couple of years and was about 40lb away from my goal weight when i got attacked by the demon aliens. And i slowly became inactive becauce the weight of them hurt to simply walk to breathe. I felt like i was being choked, like my brain was in a vice. So i stopped all activity. Then tgey forced me to quit my job by the sick images they were showing me and saying to me. Then i became depressed and pretty much only ate cheese sandwhiches and cookies all day for like a year. It was a sad look. All my vital came back ok. My blood pressure was a bit high but nothing my doctors seem to take as seriously as i was.

Even being unhealthy i still see hear and feel them. My body is no longer in an alkaline state (i was lighly following Dr. Sebi Akaline guidelines but not strictly). Prior i was 7+ph.

I almost want to cut off all my hair again. Idk. My hsir is just sitti g on my head in a bun all day. Wasting shampoo AND tons of conditioner on it.

Im like wasti g to go into warrior mode ….. Just been waiting and waiting. So tired of waiting. Waiting for money, answers, healing, something!

The soul and the spirit i believe is different i believe. I believe the soul is the observer the spirit is the driver. What animates us. The electricity that runs through our body. Unfortunately this can be hacked. I dont think our soul can be hacked maybe im wrong. The soul is pure. But the body is a bio computer. It is a reciever of information. And it is being hacked and viruses and back doors and Trojans and identify theft is being carried out by these demon aliens. I mean they sounded just like my ex (identy theft). They knew what song he was goung to send me 2 weeks before he sent it (back door).

But i havent fleshed this out too much. But i dont know why they do what they do but its wrong and bad andcevil and there will soon be a reckoning for them and who ever is working with them.

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Communities I Keep an Eye On 👀

Spiritual Community: This mainly includes: twin flames, 144,000, light workers, kundalini, spiritual awakening, ascension, channeled messages, The Event, 5D, entities attachments and attacks, energy, healing, empaths, occultist/ esoteric. Meditiation, Many different spiritual/religious belief systems in one place. Incubus, spirit husbans, reptilian,archons, matrix, star seeds, ancient cultures,

Alien Encounter Community: understanding acturian, paladian, grey, reptillian, mantis beings. Channeled messages. Earth bound conscious abductions. Star seeds, 5d earth, the event,

Targeted Individuls Community: gang stalking, street theater, mk ultra, v2k, project paper clip, nano technology, chem trails, electronic harrassment and torture, Morgenellas, CERN, EMF radiation, ELF waves, government patents.

Schizophrenic Community: paranoia, delusional states of being (even if you are right), anti-psychotic medications, symptoms mimick that of targeted individuals and spiritually opressed people (or vice versa), being seen as crazy, healing, theraphy, cognative behavioural therapy, transpersonal therapy, carl jung’s shadow work, hearing voices as a large scope of people rather than just schizophrenics (who twnd to have a negative experience). Sub vocal speech article,

Christian Community: Are they voice hearers? Hearing the voice of God? Is it God? The Event? Is the same as the rapture? Armageddon? Understanding demons/spirits through a Christian/ religious lens. Book of Enoch. Keeping/strengening my faith in God through all of this, the 144,000, Jesus, history. Story of Job, of Paul, of, Saul and Jesus all having been taunted by demons and the devil in the bible.

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Most people i have met are stead fast on their path and stick to their path. Thats fine. I found that there are MANY similarities between the the belief systems. And thats just in the 3rd Dimensional world explination.

Could it be that all the alien encounters, hundreds of praised gods and goddesses were just spirits or major demons trying take Gods glory because they simple could? I mean the Entity here with me has NO problem saying they are God and rape me in the next moment. Sick right? That is enough to make anyone to loose faith. Its a win win situation for them. Either they make someone loose faith in the One True God OR they Get some one to believe they ARE God or an authority of sorts.

But that is besides the point. These are the main communities i have studies and i have reached a plateau in my research. I can see them, hear them, feel their gross energy. Ive drawn what i have seen. They conflict with some of my research. And i havent found anyone i can use as a sound board to really confirm much of what i see. But definitely confirmed what we hear and feel. Visions and and hallucinations are a bit different. A vision is in your minds eye. A hallucination is standing in your living room you can walk around it. But they are not 3d theybare more flat 2d line drawings i can walk around.

Anyway the plateau is frustrating. Cause i want to move beyound this or i want it to be over.

Its my anthropological mind that got me here. Im always too curious. Why…. How? Whats the story? I could not accept this as a broken brain. I was hearing words and phrases i never even heard before. I had to google them.

I have heard people who have been cured of their affliction similar to mine to mine through medication, but also though shamic healing, also through prayerand the grace of God, some meditation, so im just wonder IF i will ever find my healing.

I mean being all over the map has both a blessing and a curse. In one way as i research and went to healers who gave me information that conflicted with something in the storyline the demons were creating. First it was telepathy as twin flames with my ex as were supposedly fractions of Isis and Osiris souls. 😔 spare me. Then when i rejected that they went on to say i was being raped and called a child molestor because i was “paying for my father” which was my dad was accused of molesting me which he didnt (i wrote about it many times in this blog you can search it). Then they weree trying to convince me they were God by blacki g me out like 3 or 4 times. Then when i started seeing them and they looked like alien or reptilian or demon trolls heads floating around…. Things got UBER confusing but that didnt stop their torure one bit.

So jumping around helped me understand most of it was bullshit. BUT the path to actual healing looks future away. Or confusing. Amd no salt baths and picturing a bright white light around me did not work.

I was recently told i am one of the 144k and a light worker and i have no idea what that even means. To me i was wouldn’t have have the innate power to blast these things away? Just saying. I just feel like 4 years of my short life has been wasted all to a demon. This is not why i was born. To be raped by demons all day everyday.

Im still pushing through tho. I still wish i had a mentor that could help me ubderstand this stuff. If im going to stuck with them might as welm make them my lab rat expiriments. Since thats what they are doing to me. Fuck em.

Taregted Individuals: NLP: Nueral Linguistic Programming

I wonder if this is how the voices create out comes in my life. I mean most of it is outter manifestations of THEIR words and not mine. I mean they call me a child molester all day and im not one. But the way they have foretold the future a bunch of times im still wondering if they foretell or create it. But how?

When this first started. The voices started calling me “honey tree” i searched the internet trying firgure out what it could mean. The symbolism around it. I found an actual honey tree which was thorny. And a bunch of daycares called honey tree. And something about Jesus. I wrote a blog post on my Tumblr about it. And the voices sounded like my co-workers were hacking my brain to find out the name of my blog so they could read it. And i quickly deleted the whole blog! 😐 then less then a week later my ex (false twin flame) (months after we broke up) sent me a message with a link to a song by a band called the HoneyTrees. 😮 But i had deleted my blog and the only proof i had that i hard heard his voice and the Honey Trees prior to him sending it to me.

Again 6 months after we had been broken up i was talking to a guy friend online and he was kind of making fun of my ex sayung he didnt do much for me. And then i heard my ex’s voice tell me “get off the phone NOW”. I didn’t and then he calls me a moment later. You can only imagine how scared i was. The voices were making him out to be almost abusive. I mean he was a player and a jerk. But abusive was a whole other level.

They later foretold my Ex (false twin flame) getting married, having a son and moving to Jersey 3 years ago. The voices knew i wanted a baby. But it was something i never really discussed with my ex because he said he didnt want any. So far all i know is that he had a son a year ago with a beautiful woman. I didnt believe it till i saw the baby registry with his name. Even the shock wasnt that of the heart but that these voice told me this years prior.

Then the voices said they are “waiting for the shoe to drop”….. And “great day!” Which was a catch phrase my grandmother used. Basically telling me that my grandmother was going to pass. Again i didnt believe them. I didnt want to even though she was 97 years old. But she did pass after going into the hospital. They were making fun of it to make me upset.

Then they said they were “waiting for the other shoe to drop!” And “have mercy” as code for my mother, that was a phrase she used a lot too. Then two weeks or so after my grandmother passed my mother had a heart attack. Then a few months later a stroke.

This was all the while ” schizophrenia” just started in 2016. Even the times i myself had “predicted the future” it was mainly from a logical stand point.

Then the voices didnt want me dating the last guy i was with and would make fun of him and his penis to try to make me feel some sort of way about him. I enjoyed him and size never really mattered just that we both cared about each other. Then about 3 weeks into dating he started hearing voices. He said he heard his name called multiple times and no one was there. And then the week after i never heard from him again. While it may be a long shot….. But i mean since he started hearing them they could have easily influenced him with out him being totally aware. Because i didnt listen and leave him like they wanted.

Then we get to my best friend. When i first went to her home i did not see the entities as much but i still heard them. Then over time i started to see them on the windows and corners of the home and over the bed. They said they wanted to get me out of her house (just like they wanted to do at my parents) and said they “need to get her (my friend) a man” “play” this was week or so prior to her meeting her current boyfriend. Prior she was complaining about how she was going to be alone forever. I ignored them saying she was going to get a “man play”. But it happened. Spending time at her house was my quiet time and then i would take care of my godson. But they dont want me to build myself up. Or peace and quiet. Or to be around friends. Just isolated alone getting tortured raped molested electrocuted.

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So in a way these demons are foretelling my life or the lives around me or creating it. Im not sure if they are using NLP to influence my life or if that us even a real thing in this case. I try to stay as positive as possible believe it or not.

I have however used my logical mind to peel away what didnt make sense. The voices were trying to make it seem as though both my ex (false twin flame) AND my coworkers were energetically gang stalking me. They wanted me to freak out on them but i kept my cool for the most part. My coworker just said i left in a strange way. And i sent a pretty strange email to my ex (with out too much detail) as a plea for him to stop torturing in the spirit realm. I blocked him because i didnt want to read a reply i didnt want my body to shiver or convulse or my mind to race, to have his words twisted into something completely different by the demons.

I just wanted it to stop.

No matter how positive or better than positive ….. Truthful i am ….. These demons remain. I try to peel back as much of the beliefs and layers as possible. I try to stop the stories being created in my head as soon as they form. But they remain and harrass and torture me.

Can i change my destiny? I feel like these demons are controlling it in one way or another despite my best efforts.

I’ve given up so much.

Twin Flame: I did it to myself

So I was clicking around my sister’s computer to find a new picture of myself to upload for my email photo and I saw a photo I didn’t recognize. And BOOM it was a screenshot my dumb ass took of my ex (false twin flame) and his wife/ baby momma all lovey-dovey.

I took it originally to file under some sort of evidence since this whole experience was about HIM for some reason. Again the Demonic Mantid Reptilian whatever hides behind people or idols.

I am happy that he found love and has a kid (which he said he never would want). But I happy for him genuinely. But I felt every nerve ending set off and a wave go over my body. I wasn’t upset that he has love, but that I know these Entities are taking advantage of my body or Looshing it. So I sat there and stared lovingly at their love happy for them pushing through the pain because I KNOW the pain was false. I stared until the pain stopped. And then I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because I have to endure this ridiculousness and it actually physically hurt a lot. But I know the difference between what is inflicted and what is from me. That sensation wasn’t from me.

I can see their parasites and their flower-like looking connections all over my body so I know it’s them.

I mean I did it to myself. Maybe I shouldn’t have had the photo but if I wasn’t playing Scooby Doo Inspecto gadget magical mystery tales on MY LIFE maybe I wouldn’t! The Mantis’ said this was all for a “second chance” with my twin flame. The Mantis said he put voodoo on me when I started feeling pin pricks all over my body.  So I did feel some typa way about this man but once I go through the illusion and the lies, I realize while we had our own shit and he did hurt me… he wasn’t behind all of this. BUT the Mantid was using his internet persona to get to me.

So I’m not mad he is happy, I’m just mad I’M not happy. they are not exclusive to each other. I can be happy for others who are winning in life (even if we didn’t have the BEST relationship) and still want the best for me. I guess I mention this because that’s what the Mantis’ want they want me to be unhappy that he is happy and has a kid with a beautiful woman (and yes she’s totally goergy).

DEEP BREATH!

I just want to feel better. This has sucked ass for so long.

What I see: vision: sea of couples 💑

In this world opposite world, of duality which I am not accustomed to, pairing seems so important.

Pair of the opposites or compliments is so important to the Entities game.

I saw a sea of couples that look like on (my assumption) one masculine and one feminine. Just a huge sea of couples.

A few times in my visions a I saw a few couples torn apart. Some couples were actually 1 whole but half. Which is kind of strange conceptually becoming visual. My first thought was twin flames but I doubt that. The couples were bright reds and yellow.

I saw large black lizard walking through them and two parasites with big heads.

I guess I wonder what they mean any they show up in my photos.

I saw this today, from a photo a few days ago.

I guess I feel so alone I wonder if I even belong there…… or why I see this or what’s up with the Lizard monster.

Mirror Mirror 🙇🏻‍♀️

So I felt pressure on my forehead when I was in the bathroom and figured let me look at forehead and see if I see anything.

The Entity never really want me to look in the mirror. Every time I would look at the mirror the Entity would go off about how ugly I am and all the regular bull shit. So I just stopped looking in the mirror just to stop some of it cause I didn’t want to hear it but it’s kind of pointless because he still calls me ugly anyway.

So I stare at my face in the mirror and LOW AND BEHOLD I could see the little gecko looking Entity in the center of my forehead and all these flower and line patterns on the areas of my face that felt pain/tension.

So not only am I ACTUALLY cursed I have to look cursed as well!

I have also seen this on other people on tv I was just wondering if they had it. Not everyone does. But some actors I could see it on their skin.

So what’s the difference between me and them? They have flowers or little astral beings on the forehead….. they are actors living out their dreams and shit….. what’s the difference between me cursed as fuck and them living the dream?

Do they know there is an astral gecko spitting flowers all over their face? Do they hear voices too? Vile things? Does it hurt?

I don’t know!!!

WTf?!?!?!?!?!

Why God why?

Dude 🤦🏻‍♀️

So today some girl put up a chat between her and this guy that she was just talking to who kept bringing up her weight. She told him she would like to talk about something else and he went off about how he deserves a “thick” woman that he can buy a house for and she was unworthy because she is lazy and fat (granted this was in a weight loss group and she is not fat).

I realized that this tone, this voice, this sentiment sounded so familiar. It took me a while to realize that guys were using me and I didn’t know better. Ultimately the Entity took on the persona of these type of men. That only value you if your pretty or thin or silent.

Silent because then they can continue their abusive behavior.

And now I live with the repercussions every moment of everyday cause someone wasn’t raised right.

This Entity mimics these sentiments. Emotionally mentally abusive calling me ugly and fat and yet rapes me as I wake up every morning. I still don’t know why. Or how. Exactly.

I tried talking some dude on OkCupid just to chill and talk and this guy wanted to video chat right off the bat and I wasn’t in the mood to I just wanted to text and he kept on insisting even though I said another time. And he got mad at me. It’s like never enough ……. always have to get more out of the situation.

So now I’m afraid to talk to guys let alone date because it’s always about getting more and progressing so fast. If it’s a chat then it’s phone/video/endless picture requests. If it’s a date then it’s sex. If it’s sex then it’s some freaky shit. And if not that then rape.

Like I just don’t understand men.

People want to say “oh it’s a reflection of you” you need to soul search. We maybe it’s NOT! Maybe you’re a nice person and didn’t take someone at face value. Maybe people are assholes and their everywhere and it’s totally unavoidable. Maybe you are looking for an actual reflection of yourself and the opposite.

Not to mention with this schiz demon if someone is not gentle with me I pay the price and the schiz demon just finished the job for them. So how am I suppose to have human contact? How am I suppose to leave the house? I’m tired and bored and over this.

I can’t imagine this is what God wants. I don’t see how. I hate this.

Between Worlds 🌍🌑

I’m somewhere between honoring my ancestor and wondering if they were deceived by the same Demonic entities that tried to force me into suicide as human sacrifice. The same that raped me, and told me it was God.

How do we know what’s real?

Which one is right?

Just because it is “unseen” does not make it true.

I want to still believe in a good and righteous spiritual world. But I haven’t seen it.

I have seen some things that made me wonder. But I have not seen what I would consider righteous as of yet. And even if I did now….. I’m not sure I would even trust it. As it might just be another trap to get me to become some hide out for the most vilest of demons.

How do you know what’s good and what’s bad?…. spiritually? Who is there to support you and who’s not? Does it even matter, because why are they there in the first place? And who does it actually benefit?

I’ve told these demons to leave every hour of every day for a year and a half and they have yet to go.

All it takes is one move for them to burn my genitals, pound on my chest and stopping my heart, to make me pass out, become to physically weak I can barely move like dragging 80lb around. One move towards the positive. One telling of truth for my body to convulse. One vision to cry one sparkle to feel a migraine.

No one has answers, and if they do……. and say nothing………. then they are an accomplice.

I am Grateful!

I am grateful for food and a roof over my head and family.

But does that mean that I can’t want the better for me?

Honestly I don’t have a choice in the foods that are available. My family only eats frozen peas corn green beans and spinach. And the eat meat at every meal. I am naturally vegetarian and found it was the best diet for me because of PCOS (hormonal imbalance). Even when I tried to stop eating meals with my family my mom would cook these delicious meals and then be upset sayin “no one wants to eat together” so I felt bad and I wanted to be grateful for my mothers cooking only between this demon keeping me locked up and my mothers cooking I just gained so much weight.

I have no idea how to turn my life around anymore. First I fought like hell to fight this demon off going to shamans and shit spending my last dime. And now since none of that worked I figured I would just focus at least on loosing weight…. but the cut my food stamps…. and I would also have stay active which the migraines the demon gives me is out of control it’s like being choked.

So I don’t what to do anymore.

I don’t know how to feel better.

I am grateful. I know this could be worse but it’s also really really sucks. And I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to sit here chasing Benefits (since I got denied for snap and disability ect).

How am I suppose to know God’s plan for me? I just feel like a demons play toy.

How spirits/demons see? 😱

How do spirits, demons, beings see with out eyes?

Is it our eyes?

Do they see something completely different? Seeing is done telepathically consciousness imagination?

But still what would be the reference point?

How does a flower or a nose or a hand look like such when it comes to spirits?

Eyes see because of light waves and nerves that actually decode.

Just wondering.

The demon that won’t leave told me in the beginning “my eyes are your eyes” ………

Unfortunately I was tricked by these Entities into thinking this was a spiritual awakening…… it wasn’t I that woke up (I been woke) ……. but them.