My Symptoms (Voices) June Update

There is more but this is what I could update and condense in this email. 

So I’ve tried to document what my experience has been so in case there is anyone out there experiencing the same things. Can’t say youre not crazy (cause im sure thats how you feel) but you are not alone. Very rarely will they be the same themes exactly, but how did you feel? What games where you dragged into? 

I am constantly refining what my experience is. Because there are multiple “storylines” or games going on ALONG with my reality. Also anything can change on the whim of the entity.

If you even read all of this shit…. Idk. I’m just trying to make sense of the insanity.

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Symptoms: Just to name a few

Voice(s), spontaneously orgasming (rape)/ waking up horny rolling around in bed like a crack head, extreme headaches, lack of energy or vitality, extreme pressure in the body, jolts to the body, involuntary movement of limbs, abnormal heat in the body, sensation like someone is softly blowing or crawling on me, random images/ visions not of my own personality or likeness, hallucinations (shadows, sparkles, sensations and smells), “seeing energy”- swirly or lines, more frequent dreams/ nightmares, sleep paralysis, ringing in the ears (different tones) as well as white noise, something feeling off, paranoia, not feeling like yourself, Black outs, Bright outs (like black out only overwhelming amount of light), loss of sense of awareness/ or “self”. I feel like I’ve gone through every psychological disorder all in two years. 

The Entities List of Demands

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Levels of “Voices”: 

There are levels and volume almost. In the beginning the volume was at a 100 and I could barely do anything. My head was HOT and I felt like my brain was going to explode. Since it has dialed down to like 30. 

Will use anything to charm and appeal to you. Humor… Funny visions… Sometimes i would wake up to music in my head like i had headphone on. It will appeal to you only to soon turn on you and make you feel terrible. In the beginning acted as two separate characters a man (terrible) and a woman (good “sympathetic”). Yea no …. It’s one!

Distant Screams: usually repeats the same thing over and over again. Can be amplified by ambient or white noise. I would hear “Fuuuuuuuck Yoooooou”, or “I’m never going to come back again!”. 

Cast of Characters: This one is tricky. There are two levels. One is more intimate the other is general and makes you feel paranoid. 

  • Intimate: is usually loved ones, those who have passed (acted as my grandpa a few times). Or as telepathic communication between people. Can also parrot loved ones voices. Singular ghosts or spirits, spirit guides, gods or goddesses ect. 
  • Cast of Characters: Usually there is a paranoid feeling with this because it can be random strangers. So feeling like you enter a room and everyone is talking about you. Or said something about you when your weren’t looking. Even as though the whole spirit world is talking about you. But why would they do that.

Ambient Sounds: Can come off of ANY sound. So TV, Radios, hums, house noises, nature sounds, other people chatting or passing by. I went to the beach to “ground myself” and the waves were telling me to jump in and kill myself. Not the experience I was hoping for. 

You: The voice will also act as you. This one takes discernment. “Implanting ideas” through flashes of images, memories or actual words to steer your conversation or thought process. I also don’t fight it as much because its too much unless it gets out of hand or overwhelming. Can feel like racing thoughts etc because the Entity is trying to act like both you and itself. 

Grounding: For me I realized it was ONE voice, One entity (maybe apart of a hive mind) but only ONE with me. All of these character are not real. The reason I realized that it was only one was because it was talking Super duper fast when trying to be multi- characters (including me). 

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Games: Mythological, esoteric and religious beliefs, personal history, information skeeeeeewed and distorted.

Can sometimes “tell the future“. But not to your benefit like consoling. Told me it was waiting for my grandma (called her “great day” which was something she use to say) to die. I didn’t believe it and she did. I haven’t even been able to grieve that. 

Angel sparkles: seeing flashes of light and dark. I haven’t figured out a pattern for them. (Since I was young 15) also shadows a handful of times since I was 15. 

1111: “The wake up call” Synchronicities, master numbers, angel numbers, symbols meanings to everything. Everthing has to have a MORE meaning. “Spirituality”. (Received this since 11/11/11) but as the entity started to attack , I was seeing them so much they almost lost meaning. Just a lot in one day. 

Twin Flame: Third worse thing on the fucking planet, was the energy of obsession, lust, love, heart ache and pain but I did not feel connected to (at least not for as long as I did). The entity sounded and acted and flashed visions of my ex (so called twin flame) and assumed the “personality” of my ex and made it seem like there was telepathic communication (by parroting his voice) between my ex and I by telling the future like when he would call or foretelling a song he sent me by The Honey Trees – Orchards…. (Which i never heard of prior) Also used the personality of my ex to psychically rape me every night and pretend he put a black magic curse on me cause we broke up.…. But I mean my ex was an asshole but not pure scum like this entity. It continues to this day to use my ex against me/ hide behind him by saying his name 500+ times a day (obsession), memory or voice and relating my ex back to anything that I am doing, even though I’m am pretty much numb. Ceased all contact with ex because it was too triggering and I didn’t want this entity to have any more material on my ex. No relief yet. (Since 2015-2016/2017ish) 

IAM (Isis/Osiris): Said, “do you know who you are?” “You are 8,000 years old”,  was pretty much forced to say IAM Isis as a part of an agenda to weave the story line of Twin Flame, judgment (condemnation, shame guilt), and soon God play. To my understand the Entity wanted to drag me to the “underworld”, and given an “identity” I was given Isis so that the entity could take it away and given to someone “prettier”. The entity moved on to say this was Alchemy. And made it seem that the more that I agree to engage this game, that I might be rewarded. It asked me what did I want. I said nothing. It said i should want my ex (twin flames name) back. After both my twin flame (“supposed separation phase”), my Isis ID, (along with real things: job, home, money, friends, possessions, sense of self), I was to be be “purified”. But this “purification” was anything BUT, also engaging/ being forced into this process there was also Judgment for “believing” in Isis and I was told to read the bible and then forced into Christianity. But I was only being rolled into just another sphere for MORE judgment (guilting and shaming). Other archetypes and mythological and religious figures where also introduced and assigned to people in my life but not as important. I didn’t find the “I AM RA material” until much later down the line when I was trying to figure out things. I didn’t really finish reading it. There was also a sense of the entity “jumping bodies” or seeming like it can take over other people and stalk. Told me I needed to be in a new “vessal”, which was prep for suicide. (2016)

Past Life: I was told in the I AM game that I small part of Isis’s soul. And had visions of her. Then I was told that Isis was being given away to a prettier woman my ex’s (friend and or his current girlfriend). Now I didnt believe any of this, but again juat wanted it to stop. Once the Isis storyline faded away (but was still used occasionally to make me feel like shit), it went on to past lives. 

One night after work as I was reading the bible, and the entity came in and said that I am suffering because I raped 57 children in a past life. At the time I was working with teens, and the entity moved on from Isis and started calling me, a child molestor. Which literally scared the shit out of me. Because I was told I was molested as a child, before I could even understand what it was I  saw a 20/20 special in the 90s that said that the an abused child becomes predator. All I know is I remember that thumping in my chest. I just remember fear no rationalization just pure fear. I just knew it was bad.

I never had a chance to really work through any of that and don’t remember telling my mom that it scared me. But year or two later my father came back into our lives (after not seeing him for 10 years) and he had a break down and said he never did anything to me. I believe him but all I was left with was some teenage angst and this child hood fear of actually becoming one. But I had to move on with my life quickly.

I can’t even tell you the nightmare it was living in “child molestor world” OMG it was so gross and I can’t even explain the insanity that came from that. Tears roll down my cheek as i even think about it. Being called one, the visions of child abuse, being told I was one in a past life, being told I should happy my dad DID molest me (he didn’t), being told that my eyes were the window for a child molestor. Being told God is a child molestor because he watches his children have sex, Being told I should kill myself because of my “past life”. Just INSANITY and there was no escape …. I had no choice no matter how logical I was. It would switch and say a child molestor meant I am really a mother (I’m not currently one and sure I should after this shit). And I was dealing with this to be a mother. But quickly I was like you know what I’m ok, I don’t need to be a mother that bad we need to stop this process ….. And it didnt stop.  I was in the nightmare living it, sleeping it. Walking around hearing and feeling that you are one was too much. So I quit my job (with youth) and locked myself in my parents house, and tried to figure out what the fuck was happening to me. 

It took me a while to not be completely controlled by the fear the Entity controlled me with. I asked “OK if you know my past life, WHAT WAS MY NAME?“, like I wont be on anscestry. com trying to figure out what the fuck. No name given. Till this day…. It fucks me up, and to some level it still happens everyday. Even though I have identified my root fears, it still tries to make me feel ashamed for looking or being around children, which was never an issue prior to this experience. No relief yet. (2016-current)

We are our soul essence and no one can take that away. Ever!

I have found other women who have experienced the fear of child abuse (usually their own) as well but usually subsided. Where I found the most vocal men and women where in the “targeted individual” groups where people were very clear about these Entities try to do some sick shit to make you loose your mind. Much like I discribed above.

Opposite play: “As above so below”. The entity would say that everything that it was saying was “the opposite”, honestly this where I really fell down the rabbit hole because the entity would switch what and who was opposite and not opposite at any given moment to benefit other and my brain just couldn’t handle the fuckery. (2016)

God Play: “The lord is my shepard, I shall not WANT!” It would scream, the entity condemned me for “wanting” my ex (twin flame), buuuuuuuuuuuut that wasn’t really the case. It would say i want to get married and have kids so it could dangle it as a “carrot”. But I cant say that is what i’ve always deeply wanted. If it happened cool. Be honest what I really WANT is for whatever this thing is, to leave my entire being.

Because I do not and will not believe this thing is God. It has also tried to skew my view of God and religion. The entity has “suggested” that people who hear the voice of God much like pastors or what have you (same thing with politics), are only being manipulated by whatever this thing is as a part of an agenda. The entity complicates the idea of God and my relationship to God. 

My belief in God is pretty simple. I believe in God, don’t be an asshole all the time, try to do some good when you can, and everything else is speculation due to the flaw of man (too many secrets and to many lies). I believe there were many teachers (on how not to be an asshole) I just happen to grow up Christian. So I keep it simple, I believe in God.

Because I refuse to accept this entity/voice as my “lord and savior” it moved on to something it called “Gods Love“, which basically forced me into accepting that it was God for a moment. It did not feel good at all, it was almost like blacking out and I had zero control. (2016-2017 current)

Current: It picks up ideas, inspirations from my environment, people i meet ect, or what I read whether I’m aware or conscious of it or not. Everything becomes a debate with this Entity. It never EVER shuts up. And it also does this “was it me ornwas it you” on who had what idea. Also sometimes punished for having an “original thought”. 

More recently I have been blacking out for moments at a time. Last night i blacked out for 3-4 moments. Its not complete unawareness because there is thought/ theme there but I have no control (was looking into dream states). Because they are spontaneous and brief I can’t come out of it completely understanding it. It like words aren’t spoken yet spoken. But Yea. Also when this happens there is almost like an electric zap, singe feeling to it. Again that TV being turned off, electric spark. But I’m not sure if that’s just dramatic effects of the entity or its really fucking with my wires. 

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Themes

SexThe major theme has been sex, Not only going through my own sexual history and being made to feel guilt and shame (and actually trying to install that feeling since I don’t), but then SKEWING a sense of personal freedom in sexuality. I am NOT sexually attracted to children, animals or my family members in any way and the entity would try to make me feel or believe that I am. Child abuse, incest, beastiality, hyper/deviant sexuality is not my cup of tea. Surprisingly I’m “queer” and the topic rarely came up, although it did called a faggot or dyke a few times, it made fun of me for cutting my hair (forced) and say I look like a man. Or because I can no longer be with my ex (twin flame) I might as well become a lesbian again. It would also say its (the entity) is a man and only wants me with women. 

Says I will never be a mother/ I’m not a mother so I need to stop being nuturing (even though I have pcos and used birth control and protection to make sure if I ever was, it was with the right person .) Also says I will never get married but said I am spiritually married to my ex (twin flame) and I can never date or have sex again and I should kill myself for him. But has also said I am married to Satan. 😒 I doubt I’m Satan’s type. (Right)

Not only did I at some point feel watched during sex. The entity would include itself (either act as my partner or an observer). At least back when I had sex. Once it had no one to hide behind, it would force me to orgasm as I awaken out of sleep (rape) and never engaged in any consensual type of “energy sex”. It also made fun of my actual rape, and try to reinact it through sleep paralysis, energy rape, and anxiety in a dream.

Slavery/ rascism: racism, “forced racism”, slavery historically, would call people all kinds of racist names which is very unlike me, slavery (bdsm), was “energetically” harnessed and forces to sit up straight and cross legs and to be a “lady”. didn’t last that long and couldn’t cross my legs anymore as I started to gain weight from being STRESSED THE FUCK OUT. Wasn’t a major topic. 

Fear: Mainly childhood fear of child molesters, of hurting anyone else, death (which I’m not afraid of), suicide (which I won’t), death of loved ones, being shot, pinning my ex (twin flame) and saying/ giving visions that he will shoot me in the head, becoming ill and being told i will have cancer, addictions/vices, paranoia/ being watched, threatening my loved ones, saying that I am a curse and I negatively effect everyone around me, black magic (as if someone did this to me), sexual assault and abuse, uses “sins” as a way to latch on, running theme of guilt and shame. Insecurities, (but also “crushed” the things I liked about myself or things I had in order to build up to the “God Play”) “God giveth and god taketh away” type of theme attitude happening with this entity, homelessness (again, was homeless as a teen). 

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Healing: along with traditional religions I have also explored, spiritual herbal baths, a forget him spell, psychics, binaural beats, yoga, light workers, reiki healer, burned sage, shamans, psychiatrist, therapy (all with no relief)

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Researched: (most from suggestions)

(These are the different names of what I have been experiencing through out this journey). Angels (due to seeing flashing lights and sparkles), 11:11 wake up call during that time and seeing number everywhere (“ascension”), Twin flame, – (shortly after twin flame it was all down hill), black magic, thought forms, demi-urges, shadow work, Dark night of the soul, karma, past lives, dna curse, Incubus’s, spirit husband, Archon’s aliens, demons, possesion, fallen angels, jinn, ghosts, poltergeist, a changeling, a curse/ spell, divibe alchemy, kundalini, awakening, ascension, mk ultra, targeted individuals, elf waves, agenda 21, hive mind, schizophrenia, schizophrenia…….. Bla bla bla.

Cause I don’t know what the fuck is going on! 

The point . 

So what’s the point of all this? 

Almost every belief torn down for what? 

Torn down and still shimmers in its beauty, essence, goodness. Beautiful stones that were used to build prisons.

So now what? 

I will not bow down.

You and your kind have lied to my people. Misguided…. And divided. And we are done. The lies are sooooo deep we even think they are good.

So why are you still here?

I am no longer interested in entertaining your game…. Or play… Deception

We’ve come to a point….  And your side seems desperate.

Leave!

5am in the Morning

Before I fully woke up the Entity said “It is a gift from God to be expelled of negative energies.”

My cousin woke me up to help her dress a wond she got from a brutal attack last week. 

It wasn’t until I started fully waking up that addressed this statement made in MY head that God gave ME! 

So, negative “energies”; mental health, physical sensation, emotional ect …. To be are symptoms of an Entity. Their are also “positive” ones as well… Harder to spot…. But there.

Either way early morning sleepy head….. This Entity tries to ask me questions that will steer me away from God. Or denounce God.

Maybe I’m an entitle little shit to think that these Entities should not be able to contact people, or affect or influence lives to this degree. Of course I wonder why…. What is Gods plan…. And why we weren’t born protected. But again this Entity for whatever reason wants me to denounce God. And be honest has given me more than enough reasons to feel the need to do so.

But I thank God for my discernment…. I wish I would have come into them earlier. Then I wouldn’t have allowed the Entity to act as my loved ones in my life. 

You must really think your God!” I said to the Entity as I sat on the toilet. 

Kinda sorta maybe.” 

Not my God!“.

I want to be expelled of this Entity! Not the energies that go up and down my body, that rapes me, cripple me, scare me, scream at me….. I want to be expelled of the one who is creating it. Not the symptoms of what should not be there.

Either way that was my morning today.

Sister Sister (part 4)

Last year (maybe 2 week – a month) prior to my twin sister having a stroke in March 2016. My sister and I had a verbal fight. I’m not sure what it was about but sisters fight and we made up as normal. After that I kept hearing on the streets “You should be nice to your sister”. I heard this maybe two or three times.

My full on experience didn’t start until December 2015 with prep work of crying EVERYday from June 2015 – December 2015 as much as I wanted to stop. So it was a slow decline after the break up with my ex (twin flame).

I said 2016 I was going to forget about my ex and take a break from dating because the crying thing was too much. So I took a spiritual bath and worked on trying to get happy again. Later I heard “Bless this house

So jump back to March 2016 I went to pick my bike from Brooklyn my sister had the stroke which was at my best friends house (soul mate ex) and I told him about what I was experiencing. I said something to the extent that “it was like having every fear yours or not being thrown at you at once.” He actually started to cry. I didn’t know if he understood or felt sorry for me.

So I took my bike and was about to ride it but it had a flat and so I got on the train and soon as I got of the train my dad called and said I my sister was in the hospital because she had a stroke.

Other than crying and riding my bike with a flat tire home first so I could go see my sister, I actually don’t remember the rest of the day

My sister spent 5 months in a nurse home (a shit one at that but it was the only one in the borough). During those 5 months I went through my own personal hell with this demon Voice Entity thing. It was acting as my ex (twin flame), and it was acting as people at my job, it was raping me everynight and calling me a child molestor around children. I mean as I said I thought I was being punked or it was a practical joke cause I know I am not one. So even started making light of it. But no. It wasn’t…. And it didn’t stop.

I was at my job having all kinds of crazy visions, my body was trembling. My head felt like it was in a vice. I would go home after to hear all kinds of crazy shit coming off the TV or outside. The voice saying “send her a brain anurism” or “send her cum” or something still acting like it was my ex (twin flame) put a curse on me. Making me hear my ex having sex. Hearing all kinds of racist, sexist, disgusting, things all day. 

At one point the I wondered if I was having stroke. Or if this Entity was forcing me to have one with at that “energy” head ache that I was feeling. I mean my sister had one so I thought maybe I was having one too. But then I wondered if this same “energy” ….. this same “Entity” caused my sister to have a stroke as well.

I started freaking out and screaming at the Entity, I called it every name in the book. It said, “I didn’t…. I didn’t!”. But at the time it was saying that evetything it said was “the opposite” …… So i didnt know whay to think. I wanted to believe my sisters stroke was just medical, that my mind was just in fear. That the stroke had nothing to do with what I was hearing. That the Entity was only trying to scare me.

So I let it go and just prayed for my sisters recovery. 

My sister finally came home in July 2016. I had already quit my job, cut my hair and just got out of the psyche ward with no relief. I spent my last paycheck on a psychic lady who said she could help me remove this “spirit” …. She didn’t. 

My sister came home I was on meds and for some reason I was the only person in my home would actually hear my sister call out at night for help to the bathroom. But sometime her call would wake me out of my sleep. Not in a normal way. Sometimes I would be pushed or jolted out of my sleep to hear her call…. But she would would be asleep and actually call me moments later to go to the bathroom. 

The Entity also “foretold” when my Ex would call me, when my mother “lord have mercy” was going to have a heart attack. When my grandmother “Great day” was going to pass. Said it was waiting for the “other shoe to drop”, predicting my mother having a stroke this year 2017. I actually thought the other shoe dropping was ME. I mean this Entity kept telling if not forcing me to kill myself…. Or run away from my family. On my birthday March 2016 I heard “Rest In Peace”….. Sounding as my ex. Idk I thought I was gonna die. I felt like I was dying. Squeezed and left to dry in the hot sun. I told the Entity that it was trying to kill “Get it over with!”. 

Now its tryingbto say I will get cancer. Or I’m going to die next year. “Last year”. I mean since this has happened my health has declined in a short period of time.

So I’m at this place where is this Entity….. Whatever it is….. Telling the future or causing it? 

I can’t see how it can actually tell the future. Where there are so many possibilities. But take opportunities to steer people into a particular direction? Or forcefully to get the job done?

Sigh. 

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

“Trigger words”

I think the benefits to meditating is being able to mentally step back. If someone is unfortunate enough to be in this experience then meditating or disassociation is almost necessary. If you are on a constant GO you might not notice how your thoughts are racing or even the beginnings of the mind “being controlled”.

The other benefits is in knowing that there may be trigger, words, images or topics. For me they were mostly sexually distorted themes or topics. But for others may be racism, sexism, religious, fears, issues, guilts, wants, ect.

So understanding what is triggering you is important. This doesn’t even mean that they ACTUALLY trigger you in the way that they do. I mean rape is generally not acceptable (I’m not going to get into how society makes it socially acceptable and victim shaming). And we hear stories of it a lot more than we probably want. But if this brings a “voice” that distorts your beliefs…. A sensation that contradict your beliefs ….. Then in that moment we are challenged. Is that really me? I know who I am.

Being on social media allows for us to be triggered at a rate that is unfathomable. I am having a hard time believing this is about “releasing collective energy” or “old traumas” when this experience is in fact a trauma in itself.

One day I sat and said certain words or looked at images or topics to see what was triggering. But then when I would go back to the same image or word it would stop. It was once I was aware….  Did it become annoying to the Entity and it stopped the game (one of many).

Thisay or may not work for some. But I firmly believe you not wake up one day like this. Yes life can trigger depression. I mean when I was homeless I was depressed…. I was able to push through….make the best of it. But this…. This is totally different.

So its difficult. To be in two worlds at once. One over powers the other. Making life seem more grim than it is. I the world is scary….. But then we try to do some good and our best. At least I would hope so.

Either way its something I am aware of. But at the same time I understand it is not me. 

Targeted Individuals (pt2)

I’m really not be one for conspiracy theories. I do love a good fanatsy film but I’m not so sure about living one at this point.

I perused a few “targeted individual” forums on Facebook. There seem to be a lot of similarities between “ascension” or “kundalini” symptoms and the symptoms of “targeted individuals”. I have found connections between a LOT of the different beliefs or theories BUT not one answer as to WHY or WHO or HOW. 

Apparently some lady sue some guy for “electronic harassment” (you know that static in your ears or that voice in your head, ect) and won, but she found who it was I’m not sure how this applies elsewhere. I mean logically to me if a man is electronically harassing someone I (court of law) would figure out where he retrieved the technology to do so and regulate there. But that’s just me being logical in an illogical world.

So these are your average everyday folks who seem normal having not normal experiences. As I said schizophrenia is either suppose to be one percent of the world population (which is approx 72million). Which is a lot but not lot a lot when you add up people hearing the voice of god(s), psychics, ghost hunters, alien watchers, schizo’s, demonic entity attatchments, witches, time travelers and whatever else you can come up with.

Most seem to have some sort of religious connotation, but I guess with an experience like this one would def seek God.

In the forum a few people talked about the perverted experience of being a “targeted indivual” or MK Ultra or whatever. 

I blanked out the names but these are also public posts below.


There is a theme of perversion. Hard working people with families having to struggle with this type of experience. Both men and women fearing for their lives and their children as well. And dare I say unnecessarily. Fear base experiences that have nothing to do with the essense of that individual. Or even their true psychology.

I’m not one to dive deep into conspiracy theories….. But this is waaaaaaaaaay out of control. I actually don’t care what IT is…. But I do want this to cease and desist not only for me but for others as well.

There is always a carrot. If its not something or someone it is your own personal freedom. 

What causes one to have a better delusion than the other? What triggers it? 

Either way some of my findings on this sad sad SAD road to probably no where. 

Target Individuals

A guy from a forum read my story and suggested that I maybe experiencing “MK Ultra” or “Targeted Individual”. I have heard these terms in my research, but I am unsure how it applies.

I don’t know what I would have done to make myself a TI. I’ve done activist work in the past…. But nothing too serious. I mean if I was gonna be target back then would be the moment as I feel like a vet at this point. Not because I am but because things are complicated (aren’t they?) and I focused my attention on positive change.

At one point, I did feel very stalked, I was SUPER paranoid…. I thought my ex was telepathic mind control, curse, cosmic joke stalking me. I wasn’t “allowed” to go to area of NYC because those where his drinking places even my neighborhood of birth. I even thought his friends were stalking me, or gazing into a crystal ball viewing me or something. This in term made me check his Facebook and Instagram OD looking for clues. But it only fed the twin flame “story”. Same thing with using people from my job I had to quit. 

But once I stopped believing it was him (or anyone from my job), the images of his friends or a sense they were stalking me went away. 

While the “Entity” still uses my ex’s to insight some sort of feeling. I can say my ex is truly linked to this experience other than we dated for 6 months. But his image/voice is used to control.

Yes I hear the voice, the tones, the white noise constantly. I still get “third eye” visuals (which is different than my imagination), and strange sensations in my private areas, but also all over my body, head pressures, burning ect. And yes this voice, this “Entity”, will say ANY story to make my life unbearable or make me off myself (because apparently that’s not murder😒).

I can’t say what this is. Its not good…. That is for sure. Its not a test…. There is no prize at the end of the rainbow. No my ex is not coming back. This is not for a child (which is fucking gross). None of it. 

I don’t know what it is. And people seem to have these similar symptoms but different experience (which I could list from my research). Depends on your culture and belief (to an extent, because it will also drag you to new beliefs or story lines), but there are majored similarities.

So what do you do? What do we do? What do I do? To just live? I can’t see the point of all these people tripping balls. Its stopping any movements. Its clearly not stopping anything bad from happening. Its def not helping population control….. Sooooooo TF?

When will I or we be able to heal? 

Just one more theory to my insanity to tack on the list. 

😩

Kundalini and Entities

I am trying to figure out if my “kundalini” is emulated by an Entity or If it is feeding off of it.

Since Kundalini is suppose to be like this energy…. Does that attrac entities to feed off of it  causing us miss out on a great healing experience? They use fear to rip into our energy and spill it into their cup?

Or are entities getting g hip to the game of “awakening” and emulating these experience as we research only so they can play with us for their own gain?

Why would a spiritual experience be so painful? 

How do these entities play into our experience helping or hindering?

Awake to Sleep

Sleep to dream.

This whole “awakening” feels more like a dream..   An awaken illusion…. A walking delusion. A separation from reality. What’s actually happening. What we actually try to create. Our true nature.

Wonder if awakening is is the opposite…. It is the shadow personified into our “reality” but more so our our mental reality. What we believe. Where alters lay in the back of our minds filled with dreams deferred and archetypes. 

And we render ourselves Gods when we have yet to slay the dragon of illusion and temptation.

Cause you don’t get what you want in the end. It was a mirage. There is always…. Something getting in the way of true happiness. Even if it is yourself. …. Or your shadow if you’ve had the purest of intentions.

Awakening? Just sleep walking. The veil lifted …. Opposite in in a world that is polarized by the north and the south? Eyes opened so the veil of lies can blind fold us to the true…. And distract us from seeing the beauty in a world that has so little.

How is it ascension when I feel I have fallen into the pits of despair? How is this awakening when my third eyes shows nothing but lies? How is this a lesson when it is based on distortion and lies?