Twin Flame: GhostBusters šŸ‘»

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So I saw someone read an old journal entry about me thinking that that one these have been around me all my life and it wasn’t my ex’s fault. (sorry its really bad writing i was going through it). Trying to take accountability. Which I do, to some extent. I take accountability for bugging out lol I mean I as much as I can for the circumstances. But I uncovered as much as I can with what little knowledge I have about these fucking demons.

So while thinking about the fact that they jumped my innocent godson for no reason whatsoever. I now go back and think that maybe not all, but the really bad ones come from my ex. Again I have never been attacked like this in my life. To the point I can’t move some days. And I’m on stupid fucking meds that don’t work. And even my doctor is saying I’m completely sane. But I’m having this insane experience. I’m so close to showing her this photo.

This isn’t a photo of the main one that bothers me but an example of them.

These demons said they were bored with me and needed “a mother play” and then said they would “she (my bestie) needs a man play” because they thought that would get me get me out of the house. and then like a week or two later my best friend got a boo piece. and i don’t know if her demon/ angels playing around with mine but i would never want her to go through with what i went through. But i know i saw a little demon on top of my godson head and he was bugging out. i know i saw entities at the children park too lurking around as well. which was HELLA creepy to the max. My friend who removed the demon from me and my godson said he couldn’t find who or what sent the demon to us. hmmm….. so ….

So these demons are like jumping around trying to attack me and anyone I love to make me feel like a curse so I kill myself. And thankfully I got my friend to remove it. Now I can’t say for sure if my ex did this intentionally or not but I am pretty sure it came from him because it didn’t start until we were about to break up.

IDK I’m just thinking out loud. waiting for a miracle. tired of this cursed life. honestly i dedicated my life to helping people and being there for people and i feel like this is a really shit experience. I never expected like a palace or much but my whole life ruined SUCKS BALLS! and i just don’t know what to do most days. like my friend really needs me to babysit cause im like the only one that has always done it for free (i mean she will give me a metro card or cook a meal), and spending time with my bestie has been healing for me as well like just getting out the house… and im like if they are attacking my godson what now do i just go crawl under my rock again? shit is fucking me up! at least i give a shit enough to attempt to do something about it. unlike my ex.

people out here thinking they are playing with angels. no boo boo take a closer look. i have seen them wear costumes. they have toys too like cars and something that LOOKS like and iPad but i can’t say it actually works like one. They use it for dreams and visions. they are fucking assholes.

This is is what they use to make you feel like your twin flame is with you. It is not your actual twin flame or their higher self. It’s not an alien. And Astral demon, that has was watched me get raped every day for years. So fuck all of them.

Why won’t God help me?! Why!!!?

 

Targeted Individual: Meditative State

I spent about 2 years+ so far in a meditative state.

This was me training myself. I did not have a guru. Youtube videos were not doing it for me. It was an organic way of just being aware of my what was happening. An observation of the things that were happening to me that i could not control.

I was being shown strong visions i could not control, my body was vibrating and convulsing, emotions i could not control and often did not connect with. I see aliens and demons floating around, orbs, sparkles. Hearing the most vile things while they try to convince me that some of these vile thoughts are my own.

It took observation and a slowling down to understand what was me and what was not me.

So an example would be i would in my room and i would hear my dad go into to living room. The voices/demon aliens would then show me a vision of a penis ( i have no idea if it is my fathers cause i aint see it and i aint trying to) and then say i want to have sex with my father. Now the awareness of my father being there, that is natural and me. Everything else is NOT. And it use to upset me to the point i would cry because i just could not understand why out of no where one day i am having these incestuous thoughts. But I had to realize they are not mine.

Even one day i my dad and i had dinner together (first time ever) when i went to visit him on the beach and i was admiring his big bright blue eyes and of course the demons aliens turned it gross and raped me there at the table (to make it seem like i was turned on) saying i was attracted to my father. When i was simply cherishing him.

Any attempt at building a loving positive thought was/is ruined. And normally that is who i am. I am the kind of person to tell a random stranger how much i love their outfit. (See update below) Lol at least i use to be.

So all attempts are to keep me from loving positive truthful thoughts. They have even recently twisted my thoughts trying to say i am attracted to my best friends boyfriend, and that is the “play they want”. But im not and i think he is great for her. But because i have a positive thoughts around him (for her)…… It has to turn sexual yet again with these alien demons voices. It cant just be that i think he he is great for her …. It has be taken to another level.

Its always taking it to another level. There is no simplicity with these demon alien voices.

They do the same thing with pedo thoughts as well. I love my godson and might appreciate how silly he is being and they just ruin it with a pedo thought. And I’m stuck there with a frown on my face.

So I noticed FOR ME that a lot of this is centeres around men/boys and my love and or appreciation of them and that being either turned sexual or sour. So with the men i ACTUALLY DATED lol the voices didnt like them and would give negative thought like they are cheating on me or think i am ugly ect ect. But for the men in my life who i appreciated and nothing would ever be sexual they turned sexual in my mind.

Again this is something i spoke about in my blog before. THE OPPOSITE. The alien demon voices constantly trying to convince me of the opposite of what something actually is.

They have done so much sexual vile disgusting thoughts so much and i have had less than supportive dating partners that i give up and i am Asexual at this point. I am overwelmed. Lol and its enough work sorting through the bullshit.

But part of the meditative state is finally getting to the point where you dont have to sort anymore. You just know its bullshit. You allow it to roll by. Its still NOT the life i want to live. But its better than giving it as much energy as i did before and crying into my plate everyday cause i just cant cope.

Much of meditation that i have notices is either creating a space like visualizing yourself at a lake …… Or nothingness. And unfortunately i cant do either. It is very difficult for me to create a whole space now like i use to. The alien demons have enough control of my consciousness to effect that or make it exhausting to execute.

And nothingness is impossible because when i close my eyes i see flashing white lights, “energy” lights flowing, other light beings/ entities, sparkles ect. Nothingness is impossible right now because my energy field is not clear. So alot of my meditative state was going from fear to curiosity (drawing and describing them), to just being ok with them there and letting it roll by …… For now. Again not being excited by the situation.

And sometimes they will give a false sense of fear or being scared. Its like an electric shock to the head or body…… Or false sense of anxiety as they get close to my body. But im like DUDES i see y’all all day every day for 3.5 years, you’ve shown me the most vile things one could see and cried till i cant no more…… I know for a fact that the emotions or anxiety that they where trying to get out of me was false feelings. …… Im not sure HOW they do all that they do….. But im sure they had eons to figure it out.

This is not to say i dont have any emotions at all. I recently became emotional about the child that committed suicide because ICE took her father. And it just killed me. I thought about her emotional state. I thought about how spiritually these entities may have got to her……. How the state (ICE) effected her. Just really upsets me when they get our children and elders. Just the state of the world in general is overwelming. And i allow myself to feel for that for a moment.

But i have this situation at hand to focus on.

And staying on top of that. And staying as “zen” as possible and not letting these alien demons take anymore from my life than they already have.

update: lol on my instagram this photo just showed up which I thought was funny since I just mentioned it here.

Targeted Individual: Emotions have been replaced with pedo shit.

I barely have the space to be in my me-ness juices. Like just being in my magic…. Ya know?

I find myself shutting down more and more because of the pedo shit and me trying not to get hyped about it. Some days i can fight, some days i just cry, most days i am just numb now. Numb to not feel the pain of being tortured with pedo thoughts, jokes, words, triggers or insinuations by the alien demons.

I mean I’ve tried everything to make my life “pure”. Given up so much. Tried combat them with more positive thoughts …… Actions. But nothing seems to work to make them stop molesting me or pedo torture.

Is it as strong as 3 years ago? No. Does it matter? No. I have flash backs of some of the worse viaions they forced on me like a war vet. I have ptsd cause of this shit. I try to push along and just be my normal self but ……… There are days i feel guilty for being around my godson with these thoughts. Even though i know they arent mine and i originally felt that the biggest act of love was supporting my best friend and my godson despite my experience. But therw is guilt there. Its complicated. And there are a lot of days where my best friend needs me to babysit and honeatly i really dont want to. I know what it means for my mind and body. It means torture.

I try to have positive thoughts……. But again they are often twisted and i have to catch them and correct when the alien demons are trying to twist my thoughts around. Its exhausting.

Im not sure what to do anymore. I approached this from every possible angle, sought help and prayed waited…… I will never get use to this.

Every day i wait for the next day hoping its better….. And its not. Just constantly waiting for a better day. And im starting to lose hope.

I just wish i could be me….. And just be in myself and not what these pieces of shit want me to feel. So i feel what they wantme to feel and im going numb and im losing touch with my emotions a bit. I dont know how else to explain it. They are literally beating a dead horse now.

Anytime now God, anytime!

Anti-semitism and Conspiracy Theory

While i am wading through “spiritual information” or opinions and “conspiracy theories” i have found language like “The Jews” used and honestly its turning me off.

While i don’t agree with the mass genocide that is happening in Palistine, I am not at the same time going to discriminate against a whole people as if that represents everyone. In fact most of the jewish people i know are against what is happening in Palestine. But when i read/ watch information on say the Cabal or Hollywood ect people seem to kind of reduce these groups of people down to their race or heritage as if that is the whole people. And i must stand firm in my beliefs to respect all people as i run into this information or sentiments.

Wrapping this information (be it true or not) is dangerous as it is easy to brainwash people into feeling a particular way about a whole group of people and practice anti-semitism under the guise of conspiracy theory.

And these are white men doing this i noticed the most. And there is a tone about it that i don’t like. I am just trying to stay on top of the bullshit, and their is a lot of bullshit out there masked as information.

Not sure if others have felt this way about the conspiracy theory community. But im sensative and want to make sure my intentions are pure.

The New Age is simple works of the New World Cabal

Seven details from around the marker 20:00 to 40:00 how the New Age movent is actually infiltrated by the cabal that everyone thinks theybare fighting against. Its just another mass hoarding of people to control mass consciousness and ultimately beliefs and choices.

I figured this out when i came to the New Age movement when i was trying to find community and answers as to WHY i was being spiritually attacked. I was told to take a salt bath and picture white light. I was told i was “of the dark” and “lower vibrations” when i said this wmdidnt work. I first saw that many didnt want to talk about politics that effected many marginalized ccommunities because many didnt want their real belief systems which they had not unpacked to be out in the open. And an unwillingness to critique appropriation with in the New Age. But as of late seeing the New Age community infiltrated with white nationalist tones and the audacity to pin Trump as a whistle blower and not the pedo racist troll that he is did i really have my last straw with the New Age community.

Many might now have their eyes open as to how they are being brainwashed, but that shit doeant work on me. I try to maintain a balanced view as much as possible while wading through social politics and spiritual concepts. But I as i have stated before in my blog im starting to feel real lonely as i see the ways in which mass consciousness is being manipulated. It is both a logical and intuitive look at our culture. At times it atarts as an intutive feeling and then a logical computing of many occurances, but again i often feel alone in my sentiments. It was refreshing to have seven echoe some of what i have been feeling about the New Age but did not have the language or knowlege to really speak about it from an informed place.

Maybe that is why i am a targeted individual, the demonic voices said “pick something anything!” Because i was looking at this experience of being spiritually attacked from many cultural perspective, but i didnt lock into one mode of belief system and they needed that in order to find the ways in which they would torture me. First they tortured me through the New Age Twin Flame then is was Christian Hell matrix on earth. So they switched it up real quick.

I will keep observing the bullshit and trying to bring light to it.

Watch the clip its only 20 minutes.

So I am just out here with my faith, my experience, a bit of resentment and no where to go.

Just out here seeking actual truth.

Twin Flame: Astral Sex

Someone came to my blog by seaching for “astral sex with twin flame” i guess i wanted to make it clear as someone who can see, feel and hear the astral. As someone who has been through the “twin flame game”, anything you mess with in the astral is NOT your twin flame. They are entities. A large entity made up if smaller entity of the groteque manner. They can use light in the imagination/dream state to make you THINK it’s a specific person, they can mimick voices, they can even tell the future by influencing it. But they are not that person. It is an entity, a nice broader word for alien or demon. At best they maybe attachedto your twin flame or just became attached to you if you were looking for your twin flame to harvest sexual energy from you.

You give them an inch and they will take over your life!

They would force me to orgasm as i would wake up making me think my ex (so called twin flame) was try to please me. It felt real. It felt like he was holding my hand sometimes. He wasnt. It is not him or his higher self. It is complete entity play. It is rape (if they are impostering a human twin flame).

I don’t want to incite fear into anyone. And belueve me i would rather have the daydream. But i feel it is my duty to let people know at least my truth…… Because eventually the entities were trying to make me so depressed about my twin flame they were trying to force me into suicide saying we would be together my next life time. Yes! These entities impersonated my ex saying we will be together next life time and i should kill myself!

Only reason i ever attempted was because once i stopped believing the twin flame thing the entities stopped impostering my ex and then started showing me sick visions of child abuse and i wanted to die.

Whatever these entities are at the end of the day they are gross liars. So dont fall for the tricks.

What the Voices said last night

Last night as i was trying to sleep the voices said;

“She can be taken by a terrorist group”

*long span of time about to fall asleep again*

“Americans usually negotiate”

I think its all bullshit anyways…… But just incase a terrorist group tries to kidnap me!!!!!!….. im just putting this in my diary.

Is this really my life? (Last night)

Im just complaining again.

I just see all my friend making moves having kids and wedding and successful careers and relationships and babies and going back to school just i am sitting here being pimped and raped and molested on the astral realm in the most vile ways ……….. alone.

The voice had the nerve to say oh i can go do something with my life. Well i was doing something with my life and it decided to show my vile images of child abuse forcing me to quit my job. And i am already waiting on disability. Because between the migraines, my body vibrating, my vagina being burned, the physical heavy energy of these entities amd seeing, hearing them non stop and feeling them I just dont know what the point of trying to take on any major responsibility if they will just attack me when they feel like making a bet of my life.

I tried to take on babysitting my Goodson once a week and that honestly wipes me out for two days after. And thats pretty easy stvleast easy compared to all of what i use to do.

I just hate this. And i am just trying to go through the process with some hope but after nights like last night…….. I dont know. I dont even know what the point of having a body is….. But then i remember others dont go through this level of intensity. Indont even want my body any more. Its just being used for vile things and thoughts and beings.

Last night i felt a very heavy very large entity trying to sitting on top of me. My groin area as usual. I didnt try to look at them closely like i normally do cause then they electro shock my system to simulate fear but if i was scared i wpuldnt have looked in the first place and they look like dumb cartoons ANYWAYS. But i didnt feel like being electro shocked in my system. And i told them to get off of me they are tresspassing. They are not welcomed. Get the fuck out of my friends house. I threatened to take a photo of the entity with my “longExpo” app on iphone that takes good photos of them, even though i really didnt want to do all of that. And it went away for a while and i tried to sleep again. Then i was awakened and i heard the main voice i always hear talk about money (like he use to with other entities at my house last year) and i tried to fight off the new entity and just knew at some point it was pointless. And it vibrated my body (some how weird visions of cats came into the mix) and the new entity made this wierd gross sigh of relief making me feel so gross and used last night. And other voice said something like you scared her (with the sigh).

Like not only do i have to be used by dudes in 3D i have to be used by these invisible entities in 4D. And i hate having a body now. I hate it, its pointless. It’s not mine to have. I dont want to be here anymore. I wish there was another planet i could jump to but i cant…. Probably doesnt even exist. No wonder everyone hoping for aliens to come down and take them mean while im not sure if they are the ones raping me so i am screwed either way.

And a friend told me this is “the highest honor” we can do for our people and stuff and im not seeing how being raped and used and literally like pimped on the astral is helping that. And like im gonna be a old betty talking this non sense in a senior home is that really the life i got to loom forward to? I worked so fucking hard to get out of homelessness and just be there for others when i didnt have much ….. And just do my best and work hard. And really? This is what life’s got to give me? Entity rape guised as schizophrenia?

Because everyone believe a good ghost story until its your best friend getting raped in another dimension.

Just OVER IT! I thought i was making some headway to be honest and last night was a reminder that they are waiting to pounce me at any given moment. Im fair game for some reason. EVERYONE ELSE is protected by the blood of jesus but my ass.

I really really really fucking hate my life right now.

Unpopular Opinion: Christianity is against telling the future, but a 3rd of the Bible is prophetizing

I will admit that im still chugging along through the bible. But i also grew up Christian so i remember some general stuff.

I guess what i don’t understand is that “soothsaying” which is predicting the future is bad and demonic…… But the prophecies in the bible are not.

So……. My issue isnt God. My issue is man. Man is clearly flawed. Even holy men like apostle Paul had “a thorn in his side” which many believe meant he was tormented by a demon ….. Even Jesus was visited by Satan in the desert. We are not protected from demons in this flesh suit to be honest.

So I just wonder in both the creation and the translation of the bible where there could be flaws…… Or where there could have been moments that men were visited by a demon posing as holy being or God.

I only say this because the voices i hear tried to positioned themselves as God. And i was like LOL HELL NO. My pastor Mike Todd said that in the bible it said that “in the end days” even Gods elect will be decieved. Because its like these demons all went and had a conference meeting in hell Satan brought the starbucks, they broke out into some working groups …. Did some think mapping for new ways to decieve humans and get us off track. And boom we got 2019.

Also the visions of the “end days” are WILD! To be honest what is to say THAT is a holy vision? Its not very clear number one….. Like an whole ass eon later people are still trying to figure it out. Those seem more like astral visions the same that Christians speak against to be honest. And i mean the Book if Enoch was like WAY TOO much for the Christians to handle in terms of astral visions. So they decides to to just exclude it from the bible.

And this is why i say my issue is with man….. Not with God. I mean of course God could of added a virus demon protection system to this flesh but we can thank Eve and Adam for all that hot mess. But still. Im not sure if man really really really knows whats going on……. And its our need to know that gets us in trouble. When its our FAITH that us needed.

So unpopular opinion. I’m not 100% sure about some of the bible or man or how man uses it. All i got is this mustard seed inside me ….. My faith and love for God. That’s all i got to navigate through all of this spiritual stuff, on top of being spiritually attacked and oppressed at the same time.

Trying to navigate through all this informations….. And if its real….. Or true….. And it conflicts with what’s in my heart…. It feels gross. It makes me feel gross and i dont like it. Im just use to being in joy and loving God…. And not all this confusion and which way is up or down and whats the right or wrong answer to the test you already failed.

Inspirational Memes and Frustration

I get a bunch of religious or spiritual inspirational memes like this on my Instagram feed and like any other time in my life i would be with it…….. But im just so flipping gosh darn frustrated!

Demonic reptillian alien schizophrenic take over got me WEAK…. For real. I can’t. And like ive heard some people just stopped hearing shit. Others been struggling 20 years ++++. Like i dont know what my story holds and its freaking me out.

Im legit freaking out. Im over it. Its like having a roach under your skin and you want to just cut yourself open and grab it out. Like some real drastic shit like that. Im just so disgusted. I want to just jump out of this body that has failed to protect me from these vile creatures. I mean shouldnt that have been like … Idk …. Like top of the priority list when God made us? No demonic aliens can hack our biosystems. Only our lord God!

Yuuuuuuuuuuuck! Yuck! Yuck yuck yuck!

I can’t even see how anything with intelligence or sanity would be willing to even act like this. And im starting to use their words like “dammit” i never say dammit! But they say dammit like 500 time a fucking day or 4 years now im saying dammit! I hate this!

What in THIS WORLD IS THIS PREPARING ME FOR?! OR is this another lie? Just like all thos lying ass new agers. “Oh you’re attacked cause you’re a twin flame purging for the colkective and your twin….” ….šŸ˜” “oh you’re being attacked because youre a star seed light worker sent to help anchor light in the planet…they want your light juices” šŸ˜” “”oh you’re 144k sent to save humanity” ……. Well folks if thats the case i am failing EPICALLY. So many excuses for this spiritual abuse …….. Now its Gods preparing me …… WHAT THE FUCK DOES DEMONIC RAPE FOR 3.5 FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT ALL DAY GOTTA TO DO WITH WHATS GOD PREPARING ME FOR? Serious question!

Like this is major shit!

This isn’t oh i didnt get that job. Or oh i did get approved for that car loan. Didnt get into the school i wanted.

This is my life!!! My life force! My soul!

I am being bebased on the daily.

So i see these memes and ME….. Not the voices though im sure they have joined in, im like “YEA RIGHT!” Creating this…… Negativity and slowly possibly animosity towards God because of what is happening. And i feel bad about that too. But im following the logic and demonic rape = preppin for a blessin šŸ˜³ im not really seeing the correlation. And its fucking me up to even think like that.

Wonder if this is really my life forever ever? Just laying here being raped by demon to point i dont have energy to go outside or do much. Its so fucked up.

I miss the feeling of my body when i didnt have these demons inside of me. They evwn make my skin or muscles feel tight and im always trying to stretch them out but them comevrigjt back in it pointless.

I just needed to get this out.

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