In its simplicity

Building off of a previous post….. ” I don’t even know what to title this

We wonder what our gifts are. We want super powers. We want to know everything….. How everything works…. Why it works…. 

But instead of looking for super powers or abilities as a gift….. 

What about life? A body? A planet?

All of which we take for granted.

Being so detached from my emotional body….. Which means the surge of actual authentic emotions running through my body…. 

I realize how much we can take this body for granted. I mean I did exercised and fed it the best and organic foods working on a farm…. But…. 

Idk.

I feel like we are being cheated…. Lied to…. Hypnotized ….. Distracted… Out of the simplicity of life. And I’m not talking about going off the grid and building a tiny cabin.

I had a friend who on Facebook one day said she was ugly. I commented and was HUH? …. She said “on the inside”…. And I couldn’t quite grasp why she would feel like that…. Its like you are cheated…. There is always some polarity…. Some paradox… 

Something…. A thought… A feeling blocking us from our full potentional…. And no I’m not talking about the potential that they set up in this capitalist game…. Or matrix or whatever you want to call it…

I can’t say what IT is….. Cause I don’t know…. But its me…. 

I don’t even know what to title this…. 

In the spiritual communities I find all this information and at one point prior these concepts we fun to think about or be inspired by to make art…. Whatever…. But after having this Entity Attack …. I’m….. I’m cautious… Weary. 

There is like this whole idea of giving up everything and not being attached to things….. And while it think it is important to have an objective view of yourself in balance ….. There is also like a point where you just gotta live. If you want to challenge yourself in living off the grid cool. But not EVERYONE can do that. Also this whole concept of giving everything up…. Its like are you even greatful then? Who are you giving everything up for?

There is this feeling of the grass greener on the other side instead of actively working on trying to make this world better. And some do… But there is always this talk about …. The other side…. The veil being lifted…. Another planet earth, living in 5D, the shift, a parallel universe, life on another planet, past life ect. A reality other than the one you are in actually NOW. A place other than here….. Because…. Why? We gave up on working on this planet and working on ourselves to do that? 

Do you think yourself in another parallel universe is thinking about you? 

In some ways I feel these longing to detach from the pain of this world is ………. Can be problematic.

While I am hearing a voice of an Entity that I have NO FUCKING IDEA comes from ….. I can not say for sure what the fuck is going on. But at the same time why am I being robbed of my experience of NOW? Why am I being robbed of my short time here? 

How do we know these channeled messages are a way to detach us from the gift that we have been given. Which is life! On planet Earth! Like you don’t even know who or what the fuck you are talking to. 

Let me calm down. 

Like I’m not a black or white kinda person…. Right? But at the same time …. If you are being channeled a message about the meaning of YOUR LIFE …. You are still giving your power away. Higher self? Huh? I get it some people need to give their life meaning. And not all messages are terrible….. Or whatever like I can take things for what they are….. But as I said… Who and what.. Where …. Why? 

After seeing how this Entity played with me….. I guess I just am cautious in general.

In some ways I feel like we are being robbed of enjoying the Earth we live on now. Like why the fuck are you worried about shifting to another planet when you can’t even take care of this one. 

Why you worried about a parallel you when you still ain’t get to know yourself yet? 

Whatever I’m ranting…. Nothing personal…. 

I just see folks going off about the next thing but they ain’t even taking care of this life.

I can tell you that I ain’t done shit to deserve this shit I got right here. Past life, parallel dimensions, another planet or this one….. Nah. But there are forces that will try to rob you of your joy. The life you were given for another?

Just uhg…. Like I want to be all love and light…. Seriously…. And then the concepts that I use to ponder over for my own thought were used against me (even religion/ belief) in order to take my life. 

So ….. I’m just ….. Not feeling it. 

Sister Sister (part 4)

Last year (maybe 2 week – a month) prior to my twin sister having a stroke in March 2016. My sister and I had a verbal fight. I’m not sure what it was about but sisters fight and we made up as normal. After that I kept hearing on the streets “You should be nice to your sister”. I heard this maybe two or three times.

My full on experience didn’t start until December 2015 with prep work of crying EVERYday from June 2015 – December 2015 as much as I wanted to stop. So it was a slow decline after the break up with my ex (twin flame).

I said 2016 I was going to forget about my ex and take a break from dating because the crying thing was too much. So I took a spiritual bath and worked on trying to get happy again. Later I heard “Bless this house

So jump back to March 2016 I went to pick my bike from Brooklyn my sister had the stroke which was at my best friends house (soul mate ex) and I told him about what I was experiencing. I said something to the extent that “it was like having every fear yours or not being thrown at you at once.” He actually started to cry. I didn’t know if he understood or felt sorry for me.

So I took my bike and was about to ride it but it had a flat and so I got on the train and soon as I got of the train my dad called and said I my sister was in the hospital because she had a stroke.

Other than crying and riding my bike with a flat tire home first so I could go see my sister, I actually don’t remember the rest of the day

My sister spent 5 months in a nurse home (a shit one at that but it was the only one in the borough). During those 5 months I went through my own personal hell with this demon Voice Entity thing. It was acting as my ex (twin flame), and it was acting as people at my job, it was raping me everynight and calling me a child molestor around children. I mean as I said I thought I was being punked or it was a practical joke cause I know I am not one. So even started making light of it. But no. It wasn’t…. And it didn’t stop.

I was at my job having all kinds of crazy visions, my body was trembling. My head felt like it was in a vice. I would go home after to hear all kinds of crazy shit coming off the TV or outside. The voice saying “send her a brain anurism” or “send her cum” or something still acting like it was my ex (twin flame) put a curse on me. Making me hear my ex having sex. Hearing all kinds of racist, sexist, disgusting, things all day. 

At one point the I wondered if I was having stroke. Or if this Entity was forcing me to have one with at that “energy” head ache that I was feeling. I mean my sister had one so I thought maybe I was having one too. But then I wondered if this same “energy” ….. this same “Entity” caused my sister to have a stroke as well.

I started freaking out and screaming at the Entity, I called it every name in the book. It said, “I didn’t…. I didn’t!”. But at the time it was saying that evetything it said was “the opposite” …… So i didnt know whay to think. I wanted to believe my sisters stroke was just medical, that my mind was just in fear. That the stroke had nothing to do with what I was hearing. That the Entity was only trying to scare me.

So I let it go and just prayed for my sisters recovery. 

My sister finally came home in July 2016. I had already quit my job, cut my hair and just got out of the psyche ward with no relief. I spent my last paycheck on a psychic lady who said she could help me remove this “spirit” …. She didn’t. 

My sister came home I was on meds and for some reason I was the only person in my home would actually hear my sister call out at night for help to the bathroom. But sometime her call would wake me out of my sleep. Not in a normal way. Sometimes I would be pushed or jolted out of my sleep to hear her call…. But she would would be asleep and actually call me moments later to go to the bathroom. 

The Entity also “foretold” when my Ex would call me, when my mother “lord have mercy” was going to have a heart attack. When my grandmother “Great day” was going to pass. Said it was waiting for the “other shoe to drop”, predicting my mother having a stroke this year 2017. I actually thought the other shoe dropping was ME. I mean this Entity kept telling if not forcing me to kill myself…. Or run away from my family. On my birthday March 2016 I heard “Rest In Peace”….. Sounding as my ex. Idk I thought I was gonna die. I felt like I was dying. Squeezed and left to dry in the hot sun. I told the Entity that it was trying to kill “Get it over with!”. 

Now its tryingbto say I will get cancer. Or I’m going to die next year. “Last year”. I mean since this has happened my health has declined in a short period of time.

So I’m at this place where is this Entity….. Whatever it is….. Telling the future or causing it? 

I can’t see how it can actually tell the future. Where there are so many possibilities. But take opportunities to steer people into a particular direction? Or forcefully to get the job done?

Sigh. 

This MoFo

This Entity Mofo just said Jesus is Satan after I prayed. With some reference to Jesus saying you must love more than your family. Some strange skewed version of that. 

In the past he also said God is a child molestor…. Because he watches his children “play” or have sex. 

Like who the fuck comes up with this shit. I can’t even. Seriously. I feel the thought this entity is trying to convey sneak up one and i am like what the fuck?

Uhg I’m tired of hearing this disgusting idiot. 

Mental Wards

I was scrolling through YouTube and a video about people who where committed to insane asylums I didn’t click on it but the image was like strange and said “it was better in hell”. 

I then thought about all the people who are unable to cope with this experience. Whatever it is…. Just your average person who just one day went crazy…. Cause of who knows…. Like me. And then being committed …. And then being electrocuted ….. And fed opiates… Or whatever ….. And being beaten if you didn’t listen…. And tortured even more…. While you are still trapped in the prison of “your mind”….. Or whatever this aliens, demons who knows.

Just the really fucked up treatment to people who where already suffering. I’m sure it still goes on. Idk just came up.

But I’m not gonna cry. 

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

“Trigger words”

I think the benefits to meditating is being able to mentally step back. If someone is unfortunate enough to be in this experience then meditating or disassociation is almost necessary. If you are on a constant GO you might not notice how your thoughts are racing or even the beginnings of the mind “being controlled”.

The other benefits is in knowing that there may be trigger, words, images or topics. For me they were mostly sexually distorted themes or topics. But for others may be racism, sexism, religious, fears, issues, guilts, wants, ect.

So understanding what is triggering you is important. This doesn’t even mean that they ACTUALLY trigger you in the way that they do. I mean rape is generally not acceptable (I’m not going to get into how society makes it socially acceptable and victim shaming). And we hear stories of it a lot more than we probably want. But if this brings a “voice” that distorts your beliefs…. A sensation that contradict your beliefs ….. Then in that moment we are challenged. Is that really me? I know who I am.

Being on social media allows for us to be triggered at a rate that is unfathomable. I am having a hard time believing this is about “releasing collective energy” or “old traumas” when this experience is in fact a trauma in itself.

One day I sat and said certain words or looked at images or topics to see what was triggering. But then when I would go back to the same image or word it would stop. It was once I was aware….  Did it become annoying to the Entity and it stopped the game (one of many).

Thisay or may not work for some. But I firmly believe you not wake up one day like this. Yes life can trigger depression. I mean when I was homeless I was depressed…. I was able to push through….make the best of it. But this…. This is totally different.

So its difficult. To be in two worlds at once. One over powers the other. Making life seem more grim than it is. I the world is scary….. But then we try to do some good and our best. At least I would hope so.

Either way its something I am aware of. But at the same time I understand it is not me. 

Targeted Individuals (pt2)

I’m really not be one for conspiracy theories. I do love a good fanatsy film but I’m not so sure about living one at this point.

I perused a few “targeted individual” forums on Facebook. There seem to be a lot of similarities between “ascension” or “kundalini” symptoms and the symptoms of “targeted individuals”. I have found connections between a LOT of the different beliefs or theories BUT not one answer as to WHY or WHO or HOW. 

Apparently some lady sue some guy for “electronic harassment” (you know that static in your ears or that voice in your head, ect) and won, but she found who it was I’m not sure how this applies elsewhere. I mean logically to me if a man is electronically harassing someone I (court of law) would figure out where he retrieved the technology to do so and regulate there. But that’s just me being logical in an illogical world.

So these are your average everyday folks who seem normal having not normal experiences. As I said schizophrenia is either suppose to be one percent of the world population (which is approx 72million). Which is a lot but not lot a lot when you add up people hearing the voice of god(s), psychics, ghost hunters, alien watchers, schizo’s, demonic entity attatchments, witches, time travelers and whatever else you can come up with.

Most seem to have some sort of religious connotation, but I guess with an experience like this one would def seek God.

In the forum a few people talked about the perverted experience of being a “targeted indivual” or MK Ultra or whatever. 

I blanked out the names but these are also public posts below.


There is a theme of perversion. Hard working people with families having to struggle with this type of experience. Both men and women fearing for their lives and their children as well. And dare I say unnecessarily. Fear base experiences that have nothing to do with the essense of that individual. Or even their true psychology.

I’m not one to dive deep into conspiracy theories….. But this is waaaaaaaaaay out of control. I actually don’t care what IT is…. But I do want this to cease and desist not only for me but for others as well.

There is always a carrot. If its not something or someone it is your own personal freedom. 

What causes one to have a better delusion than the other? What triggers it? 

Either way some of my findings on this sad sad SAD road to probably no where.