So I received two messages over the last week. And essentially it says that God/Jesus is behind my suffering. God is the Alpha and Omega and knows everything and even my minuscule problem in the grand scheme of life. And I guess… well i am feeling hurt, disappointed, abandoned. If I did something wrong I think I am competent enough for God to have a a conversation with. NOT shatter my whole life, allow me to be demonically raped, called a child molestor by demons while I’m shown child abused images in my third eye by demons, isolated, put on medications that only dope me up, become a burden to my family, waste years of my life becoming unhealthy. While i watch all my friends move on with with their life. Still not knowing exactly what it is that I did that displeased God.
Some would say it was because I was gay, or because i engaged in survive sex to pay my rent when i was 19, cause my parents had kicked me out for being gay and my ex didn’t have rent money and i wasn’t trying to be homeless again. What else … we got whore, gay, pre martial sex, watched porn. Regardless, I loved my ex soul mate of 5 year (not the one that left me with rent) so much i remember saying i would stand before God to defend our love. This statement came from being discriminated against for being gay. I feel/ felt LOVE is love. While most feel that it is a celebration of just sexuality, it is love between two consenting adults like any other. I to this day have not experienced a love like i did with my soul mate. aaaaaaaaaaaannnnd, maybe a year or so later after i said i would stand by our love, and all the thinking about what our wedding would look like (peacock themed i would be), he said he wanted to be Polyamorous one day. And i couldn’t stop him. NOW of course he (a trans man) is regretting it and wants me back and wants to marry me and all this, but im schizophrenic and butt hurt and have already moved towards being straight or asexual or nothing i don’t know im confused and hurt.
Hurt because God won’t remove this. And that God allowed this to happen in this way.
So God wants me isolate? doped up on these meds? doing nothing with my life? being a lab rat?
Regardless of my personal orientation I will always be for the safety and rights of LBGT. LGBT deserve the right to walk down the block with out fearing for their life. LGBT deserve representation just like any other group be it religious, sex, gender, immigration, age, race or creed. And i am about the evolution of society towards safety and a better place for all. Thats me. Regardless of religion or governments. People and Governments and religions have taken it upon themselves to what they think God wants them to do which is kill LGBT, women, black people…. cage immigrants and children, genocide. Thats just a few headlines.
What do you do when you are mad at God? There i said it!!
I’m mad and hurt!
I don’t know what to do. Thats why i just tried to fix it on my own because i felt abandoned by God. Cause i know God could fix this with a blink of an eye. I thought that was my WORK was to fix this on my own like i did so many other things. To get that job, get that place, get that money, MAKE IT WORK! YA KNOW.? I can’t make this work. no matter what i do.
I was told that these demons work for GOD. God mad everything. So why me and not you average joe shmo doing bad things like actually hurting people? why am I TORTURED? A victim of God?