I have to accept that my natural state of being has died.
The ME as I know me that just is unfiltered and untainted has died.
The me now has at least 3 demons telling what to do or how to feel all day.
I can’t just BE ME.
This isn’t just a hearing but hearing and directing me and controlling and if I try to override them they try to confuse my thoughts. So we can’t coexist. There is a battle.
So then I am always stuck in battle mode.
So the fun loving happy me I knew is gone dead. I don’t know if she will ever be back again. But I’m grieving hard. I just now realized it.
It’s been two years of standing my ground against these demons. I gave up everything. And lived minimally (ish granted wifi and shit). But you know with out money or my own space and life. I tried everyone’s recommendations with out much change and I see an army of demons around me. ARMY. Different types.
So I just need to accept this.
But I don’t know how to live this way. Not a normal life.