Unawakened Father

TRIGGER TRIGGER: Gross 💩

Ok so I wanted to document in my blog how these DEMONS are trying to play me. And I really don’t know what to do. I made the best decision I could granted my Demonic situation and I really don’t know what else to do to DEESCALATE the situation and TURN UP because I know that’s what’s these DEMONS want.

So. (Big deep breath) my father watches porn. I don’t care that my father watches porn. I mean up until 6 years ago I did too but I stopped. I’m not going to porn shame although I hold mixed feelings all together. Shaming others is not the way. Be it the industry or consumers. But yea….. all beside the point.

Point is. My “room” is an enclave with a sonji screen so privacy is so a minimum all it fits is a bed. I try to remain thankful although the loud noises and TVs can really make me want to run.

So my father normally does his work at the kitchen table about 6 to 8 feet from my enclave and because I am awakened at 3 or 4am every fucking night no matter the Benadryls I am normally awake when he leaves.

At first I would make him coffee and a kind gesture if I had the time. And almost felt it was my duty to send him off into the city jungle with a happy toned “have a good day!”. But soon …………. sometime into this ritual I started hearing porn sounds coming from his computer.

First time it was whatever, I laid in my bed motionless as the demons made a huge deal out of this moment and started flashing images of my father penis, or a penis and my father jerking off. And the demons would molest or rape me as the did this all from a moment of moans from porn.

I’ve personally avoided sex scenes in tv shows enjoy (ex: Magicians).

So while I don’t porn shame I do wish I wasn’t around ……. maybe me? I don’t know if I’m being too extra with that. I would rather be asleep and I have tried to knock myself out with 8 Benadryl so I would have to be up at his hour so that the demons can rape me on this incest play.

I wrote my father an email directly to him. Asking him if he could use his tablet and watch porn in his bed room. ” cause no one wants that image of their father” and I tried to keep it none judgmental and more about the fact that the demons harm me. I check his email and I didn’t see it in his email but I know I heard the email notification go off when I sent it.

BUT I think he did it again….. today………. and even if he didn’t the demons are trying to make me think he did so that I turn the fuck up and cause some drama and get my ass kicked out my parents house AGAIN. Like I have to sit there in fear and be molested by god knows how many spirit demons. And I’m tired. I tried to be open and clear and father ignored it and me. And now there’s going to be tension.

This is because the demons for whatever reason want to make me “aunt Joycey“, and I don’t even know what that me at THERE level cause they keep using it as an insult but but my aunts awesome.

There whole thing is that they want me to move to my aunts now and leave my mom who they gave a stroke and a heart attack and my sister a stroke to. And I don’t know why. But I do know they are taking advantage of an awkward situation that I would normally would be able to let go and blowing it up and making me look at my dad differently and really fucked up cause I know it’s not that deep to a man who is unaware and unawake.

I didn’t want to drag my mom into this, cause that’s drama. I didn’t want to mention this again cause drama and I just was hoping he would understand but again it’s already in motion….. it’s already in my head ……. even if he never does again it will loom around will this demon rape me at 5am because my father watched porn. Trying make me run away to my aunt J house?

Yea that’s my life right now.

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5 thoughts on “Unawakened Father

  1. Would it help to remember the angelic presence constantly surrounding you? There is no fight, really, between angels and demons. They’re the opposites we can experience. If you remember the angelic presence frequently, the harshness of the demonic experience might recede to the point where you can find a loving response. I know it’s very intense.

    The suggestion of the demonic voice or image can be used as an opportunity to feel, and feel fully in order to release. When we become reactive to anything at all in the present (no matter how big or small) it’s a sign that there’s something in our past that we didn’t allow ourselves to feel fully, so instead we turned to ego or the false sense of conflicting wills for safety and security.

    A reactive moment is a chance to remember the choice we made in the past, to feel that feeling that scared us, and to release, knowing that angelic presence is always around us and catches/processes what we release.

    It helps me to remember, as I am allowing myself to feel, that I don’t need to believe any thoughts or suggestions that are coming up. Those are just distractors, potentials for fleeing instead of feeling. I can just feel, and know that I am willing to release.

    The beautiful part about this is that as we get better at doing this, each reactive moment is a gift and a step toward freedom, so the people who seem to challenge us are actually helping us.

    I just made a video about it here:

    Wishing you the best. I know it’s very challenging, but it does get easier. 💚

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    1. I think in any other situation this would be applicable.

      I do not see or feel or hear “angelic” presence at all. All I see are geckos and reptilians and a mantis, and aliens and trolls and some other hellish things if they have anything to do with this. This is what I am surrounded by.

      I will no delude myself IN my delusion. Lol.

      As for a loving response. I think I did give a loving response to him. I was not judgmental and I was kind of joking. But told him what I was experiencing as schizophrenic because of those actions, and simply suggested to watch porn in his room.

      He never responded and the email is not in his inbox. So my issue was not acknowledged and now I must suffer in silence.

      I’ve done enough “releasing” around false daddy issues. Half this blog was me trying to understand that in relation to the voices. I don’t want to sit here every morning and be molested by demons showing images of my father masterbating like that’s something sexual for ME. I’m tired of being touched by these demons.

      One even said “touched by an angel” and then proceeded to molest/rape/force orgasm me and I hate it I can’t even have a relationship because I figure I should handle this before dragging someone else in that would be the responsible thing. So all I’ve known is rape and molestation by monsters for 3 years.

      There no more allowing and feeling and crying I can do I’m TIRED!

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      1. I hear you about deluding yourself within a delusion. 😊 That makes no sense at all. The way I’m shown it is that it’s like being caught in a net, and struggle within the net leads to becoming more entangled. Learning to relax within the net (seems counterintuitive because it seems like giving in or allowing that which looks like evil) releases us from the experience of the net.

        The releasing is never about anything in particular. It’s all related to our choice to function on the level of ego because we were scared. Everyone around us was functioning egoically, and it seemed like it was the only option for safety available to us.

        In making the choice for ego, we brought conflict into our experience and also needed to see it elsewhere in order to experience relative innocence or well-being. So feeling is all about going back to that choice and clearing the decks, clearing our heads so we can choose again in this moment.

        What we choose for is love. Love always supports us, even when we use free will to experience conflict. Love won’t interfere in our decision to experience conflict, but it is always there for us when we’re ready to sink back to the foundation of it and to operate from there.

        In feeling, we return to that choice point and remember that the power is always ours, and we can remember how to access that power at any moment. We are it, and it can come through us.

        The power we are doesn’t fight the demons and win. It just allows us to see through them. It always encompasses them.

        This is a good moment to acknowledge that what I see outside of me isn’t outside of me at all, and I am responsible for all of it. In our world, because of our chosen attachment to egoic consciousness, we have a need to see suffering “over there” to experience a relatively better state “over here.”

        So recognizing and claiming our responsibility is a great conduit to our power, the power that transforms everything. Ho’oponopono helps me remember that:
        I’m sorry
        Please forgive me
        Thank you
        I love you

        Just words are empty, as you know when they get twisted, but the feeling and the recognition here is that we are all collectively responsible for all the suffering, and we all have access to the power that undoes what we have done.

        I understand feeling so tired and being done, but there is always that one little bit of willingness left in the tank to heal. That’s all it takes, and time is for healing.

        Taking responsibility over here on “my” end and wishing us both very well. ❤️️

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      2. No like the actual entity will tire me out. I am not sure what happened if I don’t have the same shielding or protection or there are just too many of them but when I feel them touch my forehead or my neck or heart or belly or root I can literally pass out some times.

        It’s not just the fight but also the physicality. I have photos to prove this. That’s how many there are. I can actually capture them on camera.

        I won’t say I know everything, but I will say I am trying my best and I am always being told it’s NOT ENOUGH.

        So there is something wrong with that picture.

        Anyway thank you for your input have a great day. 🕊

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I know that you are enough, right now, with no changes. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and when I think of you, I will always share that power we are. I will remember my responsibility, too.

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