I decided to revisit shadow work again briefly today. So some of my major issues.
- Sexual Abuse (specifically children)
- My ex (twin flame, fear of being used)
- Racism (and being biracial, being pc)
- Health (was on a health journey prior, self love)
- Making others comfortable, not rocking the boat with existence.
- Mental health (I guess now that is a worry, if I will never function in the outside world again)
- Judgment (others, myself or being)
I guess that’s enough for now.
Well I’m kinda stuck at this reintegration phase. I feel neither here nor there about my ex, and yet it still plays out. But my major concerns are Sexual Violence and Racism. I feel like I will be stuck here forever because I won’t budge. Racism sucks ass and Sexual Violence is like the worse thing in the world. I don’t know how to NOT have judgment when these things hurt our civilization deeply.
While the Entity enacts sexual violence on me and calls me a child molestor at the same time, I’m just unsure how to untangle this. I can pin point the how, the why, when…. But just don’t know how to reconcile this. When I am being sexual violated by the Entity, (through various forms) I have tried not to responsed as much as I use to but mostly I am tired and maybe numb.
Its just that sexual violence is sooo personal…. Its so close to home, it flash of the worse memories. It effects how you deal with others, trust, where you go, everything.
So I’m just having a difficult time with this one.
I doubt that will relieve my head feeling like its a vice being squashed.
But, I just refuse to move on that.