So while the “entity” has “turned down in volume” in my waking life, it does omit the fact that it is still happening. I mean EVERY thought is turned negative.
So its like EXAMPLE, I hear a cough, I scan the house to hear where its coming from, its my sister, the entity then steps in and maybe “suggests” that its attacking my sister so I am worried, then will buzz or burn my vagina and tell me it turn me on.
Another EXAMPLE, I am reading that my childhood friend just passed away, the Entity steps in and suggests that it was because of my Facebook post that he committed suicide. But he actual passed from addiction.
Either way its absurd and these are the hurdles I have to jump.
It’s like any stimuli is manipulated into something beyond devient from my natural train of thought or essense of self. This happens 100++ times a day. It is exhausting and why I just sleep.
So I sleep. I’ve noticed I have less… Uhm authority in my sleep. Tonight was yet another rapey sex dream. Since I have been yelling about rape the Entity now makes them more masterbation dreams which is strange instead of ceasing to do them at all lol its like it found a loop hole. I still consider it rape.
I’m not sexually active because of this thing. I think I might have masterbated once or twice this year. Some would say its repressed “sexual energy” but…. The same thing happened even when I fell sleep on the chest of someone I was seeing (and had sex with) last year.
My dreams were never like this. Strange. Empty. Otherworldly. Pretty.
Now its filled with tons people strangers and loved ones always bordering inappropriate.
This doesn’t include the blackbouts before sleep. Or the visions, now more so its not just visions, its this entity “chattering away”. Some times its even different voices women or men. But mostly none of it makes sense at all. Sometimes while I’m blacking out before sleep (which feels different than falling asleep), its just a series of these ramblings and sometimes I will be jolted out of my sleep because it is way off the mark, and I’m like “WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY GRANDMA?!?!”. Cause surprisingly this Entity disrespects the dead often.
Either way, what rights am I giving up when I sleep? Where do I go when I sleep? Who is actually remembering the dream?
I usually wake up pissed in some manner, because i feel violated, which a terrible way to wake up. Only to be greeted with another day of being violated.