So a friend brought up the topic of rape and how do we as a community really support a survivor.
A commentor said that he hoped it was a “safe space” to talk feely about the topic. And what came up for me ….. Is that the world is not safe at all. Physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, politically …. I do not feel safe here. Ever. So I can only imagine if you are marginalized in anyway.
The poster brought up that the survivor is then forced to take on the burden alone because rarely are they supported in a real way and the main question is what do you do to support?
Often the survivor is forced to heal, go to therapy, make their demands known and advocate for themselves.
And the question is real.
The topic is real.
On so many different levels.
And when violence and patriarchy come into play we are often stunted by our conditioning.
Afraid to make things worse.
So we blame the survivor…. And say they didn’t do this right ….. They didn’t follow the rules….
When being a decent human being shouldn’t be so inaccessible. We blame the victim … The survivor forced into the role. Forced into an “story”. And they are either silenced or empowered but still burdened.
So what do we do?
I’ve been on both ends.
The entity said “it could have been worse”.
But I said it can always be a lot better. Saying that something “could be worse” silences the victim/ survivor and lowers the bar.
So there are all these different ways in which we are forced into silence. To sit with shame as if it were are dear friend. To hold the burden of guilt…. Because some how we were not enough…. And the attacker can go about their lives supported in their acts.
Its real. Is embarrassing them on Facebook enough? Jail? Vengeance?
What is safe, sane and healthy for the survivor? Is there a standard or code?