I have nothing new to say here. I am writing out of habit. I’m annoyed. I’m tired. I’m writing it.
I’m tired of describing my pain. I’m tired of having my head stuffed with thoughts that are not mine to the point it feels like it’s going to explode.
I’m writing because I can’t really talk yo anyone about it. Or I’m tired of talking about it….. My jaws clench from energy that is not mine.
I have no real space to think. This is kind of my only space. In my mind if I let my mind wander or imagine it is often exploited by this Entity. Even simple thoughts. I am never able to develops them fully on my own…. Because this Entity steps in and twists it. And I am sitting here like huh? I’ll even forget my train of thought. Will I ever reach my full potential if I am constantly being cut short or my dreams?
I am OK with myself. This isn’t about self love.
I have no idea what this is about at this point. I tried to give it meaning. So did the Entity…. As you’ve read. But its pointless to sit here and be put through this. Who knows what I could have done with that time that was wasted going insane. Laying in bed fearful crying all day and having my gentiles burned while I’m shown images of child abuse and reminded of my ex.
Who knows. Maybe I would have kept my favorit job. Maybe I would have gone out with my sister on her daily walks. Maybe I would have been more committed to my health. Who knows…. Its time, money, relationships and possessions I can never get back. And was replaced with an experience I wish I could forget.
Its just a copy cat.