Today I was triggered this morning because I saw an article that 200,000 children in the US are forced to marry adult grown ass men.
This is something that has always brother me but honestly I always thought it was a custom mostly in other countries. It was my ignorance.
Even when I was at my job, I was doing a lot of outreach in the neighborhood and saw all these different missing children posters like maybe 3 in a short period of time and I mentioned it to my coworker and he said “another ring must have popped up”. And I was sad but I don’t think to what extent he was talking about did I understand.
Even one of my interns told me something happened and I had to deal with my rage. I just wanted her to run away because ACS kept her in the same home with him and her mother punched her eyes our for telling her. I felt helpless then…. I feel even more helpless now.
Most of my friends and partners were abused as children and remember thinking how crazy it is that more than half had been sexually abused. I remember the level of consent that my ex partner and I engaged in as to not trigger anything and how it deeply effected my ex. It took a lot of healing.
So I just was sitting there dumbfounded that Governor Christy would allow for such laws that would force a child into sexual slavery.
I sat there wanting to do something. I still do.
And I know this sounds crazy but I said to the Entity, “Will you help me?”
He said, “you would align yourself with Satan?”
I said, “no I would give you an opportunity to be a better being.”
I thought maybe since its has different abilities than me it could use them for good. Maybe find the missing children. I dont know. I thought about the people and organizations I know, and thought about the process. I was trying to keep from crying…. Because I know I am limited right now. I thought to myself I wouldn’t even be able to hear the stories. They would terrify me. It was already a trigger. And now I am terrified from this experience with the Entity. Then add having this entity would make it that much more of a nightmare to tryingbto do some good.
But a part of me still wants to at least work on this law. Its insane. And there are parents profiting from this shit.
I’ve always tried to be an advocate for youth both in my own as well as an adult. Women and children. From queer/youth homelessness, women on welfare, womens nutrition, ect. So to have this kind of experience super imposed on my life is limiting and sad.
I know I have to push through it….. But that just seems like a trap. Or just giving more of an opportunity for the Entity to torture me.
I don’t know what to do I’m trying not cry.