I miss music

I was never a TV person ….. I might have binge watched a show on Netflix with a friend or something but rarely watched TV. I actually really don’t like TV. 

I was more into listening to music and being creative or hanging out. I can’t do either with out it being intercepted. 

I miss being able to listen to music…. With out this Entity trying to act as my ex and shaming me or reminding me of ever little detail of our relationship and twisting it to make some sort of meaning out of it.

I miss listening to music and creating my own video or choreographed dances to the song in my head.

Now all I hear is distant screams.

Maybe if I am lucky the Entity will play some standby music from my selection. But its not when I want to enjoy it. And it always has some double meaning.

I grew up in a music household. My mom always played music. She was in a band. Sometimes would have me sing at family gatherings. My grandmother was a songwriter as well. So not being able to enjoy music is heartbreaking. 

Yea I miss music. I don’t want to associate every lyric with this experience or my ex. All negative emotions. Its not that simple to say “be positive”…. When you have an entity stuffing your brain with shit thoughts. Even if the entity tries to act like my friend or funny I can’t even trust it so my gaurd is always up.

I don’t get the point of all this.


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