What it feels like….

Im starting to forget what it felt like to not feel like this. 

Its been at least 2.5 years since the entity made itself very well known and 1.5 since it went into kill mode.

I am not even sure how to proceed. I feel like I’m running in place. Like looking for solutions but none have worked so far. 

My bottom line is that I want this thing completely gone.

I know I who I am…. I know when its fucking with me, I can’t say I know everything or the inner workings…. But I know what’s bullshit. It doesn’t have my soul, it can’t. But I am unsure what keeps its here. It can’t be simply “vibrational match”. I mean I worked hard through my traumas and I live to make my sister laugh during our “dark time”. 

I’m not going to kill myself. So if that’s its mission that’s pretty much a fail. So why is it still here? 

I will not settle for it lessening its “volume” or “intensity” or torture. I will not settle for it debating with me current events.

It is not welcomed… I’ve commanded it to leave and detached multiple times everyday for a year.

So what keeps it here?

What am I missing? 

I want it gone forever. 


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