1. I am not sure it was an implanted belief or not. But at some point I had this…. Idea that I am suppose to pray and wait for this Entity/ Demon thing to leave.
Some days I would just walk around chit chatting with this thing like we are besties letting it drain me of my energy. And then it shows me an image of child abuse or does something gross or rapes me in my sleep. And then I go back on my quest to get rid of it.
I’m tired and very confused at this point.
So I had to get rid of this guilt about looking for a solution for my own healing. That I looked outside my faith in God it was dark magic.
Not all methods or concepts of healing or protection I fully understand. So there are some ideas that go against my belief or experience.
I finally came to my own conclusion…. Whatever this thing is…. Entity, alien, demon, djinn…… Why would God want me to sit there and take it and not fight back anyway I can? Why I sit here and act like this thing is my friend when really its draining my life force, showing me sick shit and using Gods name to control me. Why would God be upset that I tried to find healing, understand it or create it?
2. Being as I have researched this Entity Attachment from EVERY possible angle and belief system…. Its been difficult to figure out what mode of healing works best. I’ve tried many. I’m also upset that people took my money with out ever really helping. But it’s not that simple it seems. And I feel like I have to fully understand energy, mysticism and healing for myself to get rid of this thing.
I mean I’ve studied herbs and nutrition, as well as financial and community health….. But now spiritual health it seems like I will have to dive into. I’m strong enough in myself. I think………… Its just this attachment will make it difficult to really study. I can barely read anymore …. That’s why I write.
I’m sick of being bullied and defenseless.
3. My experiences don’t always corelate with a single “belief system” or knowledge base. So figuring out what something REALLY is …. Can be tricky. But I also like understanding how or what it may corelate with OTHER belief systems as well.
Example: I see flashes of light/ sparkles.
Belief #1: your angels are around you.
Belief #2: your auric field is being attacked by an entity.
Belief #3: your eyes/brain needs to be checked. Retina damage or floaters.
Belief #4: ascension upgrades/ coming into your “gifts”.
These are all different and kind of conflictibg. I am sure there are even more beliefs around this one experience…. But finding what is true at least for me. And while I have found so many half truths…. I haven’t found any whole truths just yet.
(I’m being choked into tears as I write this right now) What are the importance of tears anyway? I try to stop. I hate crying now because it doesn’t feel like a release anymore it feels like manipulation.
4. Maintaining authenticity. In one group…. Someone is telling me I need to stop drinking coffee…. Stop doing this or that…. Don’t listen to certain music…. Surrender…. Don’t be at meat, Just wait it out….. “You are going through a storm to recieve your blessing type amen”…… Like I don’t know y’all.
I have to be myself. I like coffee, cigarettes, listening to Flatbush Zombies and I’m pissed off. If course I want to better myself! But its just doesn’t feel right just stripping my life of everything I enjoy…. And sitting here and waiting it out. That is no different than this Entity.
I have to re learn what works for me …. Considering my life circumstance right now (ie. Entity and watching my twin sister).
But my priority is healing and removing this entity because I think he got confused somewhere down the line.
Just trying to stay grounded…. But also open.