Friends and Rainbows

This was the first time I felt pushed away by a friend. 

I told her of my situation in detail because she popped up on my seen talking about “ascension” and having a message for me about how she ascended to the new 5D earth. No judgments. I explained to her that its hard for me to relate because I just popped up with a demon induced schizophrenia out of no where.

She said she knows of archon’s and what have you and that I need to take a salt water bath and listen to 728hrz binaural beat thing on YouTube 4 times in a row. I agreed. 

She kept talking to me in this tone “you need to do the work” “you need to have control”…. This tone was frustrating in the sense that I have worked EXTREMELY hard, to even get to the point. To even be at ZERO and lost so much.

I was in a forum and a young man was asking about info on all dieties, demigods and demential beings. I told him my honest opinion from this experience. Which is there are a lot of beings out here that will lie and tell you they are whatever god, alien, demon that you want to hear. So just pick one. 

He went on to say I am lost…. Stuck in fear, an incomplete soul. Like all this negative shit…. Because his understanding is different. 

Sorry my “awakening” wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine, I was only shown demigods to manipulate me into fear…. Sorry I’m not worthy enough to be on some “new earth”.

But I have fought not only this life to not only bring justice to my self but my community ….. I fight everyday something I can’t even see…. That has no pill, no justice, it does look or sound pretty. And all I can do is be honest.

My cousin whom I have been supporting…. Through it all can’t do the same. While I use the term schizophrenia to have an easily accessible understanding of my experience she now really thinks I am schizophrenic. But this is also coming from someone who thought her friends puts a curse on her and seen her friends get possessed in rituals. But my experience is impossible and just some disease of the mind.

I wished someone could have helped me the way I helped them. 

So unless it looks like magic….. Something grand…. Some mystical experience… Where the person is like “omg i had the experience where……….” Then it is not real because I live in your worse fears, DTM trips, and delusional worlds 24/7. Trap and held hostage by this entity. 

Its not pretty. 

I’m not pretty. Inside and out.

And now I just want to fade away cause no one is going to get it, be understanding of it, or can help me. 

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