Environment and “Schizophrenia”

So like 95% of my entire being is here on planet earth. I have no idea what the 5% is but I’m just leaving room for error. 

My body is on this planet with other people. And I can’t seem to enjoy either because of this experience with this demon, voice, entity thing.

So what’s the point of being here?

My whole reality is false, distorted skewed. I hear a voice constantly loudly berating me or trying to plant thoughts that are wild.

Every morning I wake up to the sensation of being molested. Or that same sensation runs up my back into my head becomes a migraine… Bangs on my legs. I can feel every sound in my environment moving me.

I smell things that aren’t there …. Or a heighten. But usually they aren’t there…. Roses, shit, weed, fish, perfumes I don’t like.

I see sparkles, flashes of light, a dot(s) in the distance, shadows, visions that aren’t mind, “energy” swirls that almost look like the mist of a ghost.

I guess maybe that’s why I turned to food…. Taste was the only place I had pleasure.

But what’s the point of being here…. If I can’t even enjoy the little bit of pleasures this fucked up world has. 

The sound of nature with out a distants scream….. The small group of people who I love and I know love me….. With out turning it into something paranoid or gross.

I’m not even staying here for me anymore. My reality is fucked! A simple walk…. Turns into racing thoughts….. Usually implanted by this Entity.

I’m just not understanding the point….. Of any of this. On both my end or this entities end. 

I use humor to get through it…. But I hate this will all of my everything.


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