False Awakenings?

Is it possible my Entity attack is or was a false awakening. Was my looking for answers as to why I saw shadows and sparkles what inspired this Entity to make it SEEM like a beautiful awakening at first only for it to be a lure.. A trap to scare me into killing myself?

I mean if anything my Ego has gotten HUGE during this process. I had to because I was being told I was a way I knew myself not be. I was being told this is what my subconcious looks like…. I had to wade and affirm information. So yes my Ego had to puff its chest and fight other wise I would have been dead.

Love + Light, I’ve ran out of the abundance I had. It literally feel like it was one day to the next. Light, lite, actual light sun energy, our inside spark AND keeping things lite… Forgiveness, letting go….. moving on. I feel like I’m in the middle of no where, unable to see …. Only discern …. But no sight ….. And figuring out how and why I am being attacked. The times I have tried to love this being like I would anyone else it would then turn it into sexual energy…. And usually energetic rape. 

This is not an awakening. 

Someone said all it is is thoughts. Sensations are from thoughts…. Ect…  I just don’t see it.

Isolation…. I do not feel all connected…. I’ve never felt more isolated in my life. I’m normally ok spending time with myself. But now I have this unwelcomed guest who disrespects my home. MY HOME. How much more isolation? 

How many more tricks? I can’t even make these tricks/shows/scenes up…..

I thought awakening was waking up to who I truly am ….. But so far its been nothing but lies…. I’m not a fucking child molestor in any life, time or fucking space. I’m not fucking Isis, and I’m not killing myself for NO ONE….. Osiris, ex twin flame, my mother, God….. NO ONE!!!! Shit is fucking lame.

I feel less “awaken”…….. I have to sleep just to cope. How am I awakened if I’m sleeping all fucking day???? What fucking use is that? 

I see people out here chilling and welcoming beings in their life….. And playing with them…. And I’m over here with my jaw on the ground like what the fuck y’all doing? Shit wanted to take my life for shits and giggles.

Over here like I’m “opening my mind to consciousness” …. When its just an Entities continuous stream of thought interrupting my own. Who the fuck said that is “consciousness”, I could barely even think for a nano second with out it being interupted. Being isolated and feed disgusting thoughts like fucking farmed pig? What the fuck is expansive about that?

Dark knight of the soul? WHY? Like life isn’t already?! Like we don’t try to make the best of all the fuckery going on in this shit show…… Nooooooo we have to make some sort of botch awakening, alien abduction, drag me to hell fucking nightmare. Shit is fucked. … NO my soul DID NOT AGREE to this bullshit before it got here. Promise you that shit….. My soul ain’t that fucking stupid. ….. Shit is fucked. I’m tired of being blocked!!!! I want this thing gone!!!

I’m trying to figure out if these concepts are luring us into a process with these Beings OR if these Beings are simply inspired by any concept it can get its hands on. Including religion.

I’m only allowed one to two hour intervals of sleep because the Entity will wake me up because its fucking bored. Seriously?!?!?!?

Tired of this? Promise you I wasn’t born for this Entity to play with!

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