A woman in a forum said I need to love myself after writing a comment trying to figure whether or not this is “shadow work” as a result of Kundalini awakening or a an Entity Attack.
Even though I have incorporated “shadow work” into this experience in order to understand where my vulnerabilities are as well as other perspectives as well. I had to whether I had a choice or not. I also feel like this is very much outside of me…. Or not naturally apart of me. As I said in other post before the shit even hit the fan I found these moments where I said “I don’t feel like myself.” ….. “This doesn’t feel like me”…. I did things I didn’t even really want to do (ei. Facebook creeping on whole new levels). It wasn’t my style.
Anyways…. Not “feeling myself” mixed with dating someone who knew exactly how to make me insecure. Was no bueno. I don’t think feeling insecure with/ because of someone necessarily insecure or lack of self love. (I’m sure some would argue). However I can see it developing over time.
I had a healthy sense of self love with a dash of pride in the few things I cherished. And after that relationship I just was knock off my center. It wasn’t only the tests he gave me, or the sense of how he didn’t make me feel like we were in a actual relationship….. But also my response to it didn’t feel natural to me. And I wasn’t use to it. Not only did I compromise myself by becoming angrier than I know myself to be, but also now knowing the ways the Entity quietly made me obsessive, insecure, paranoid and out of control. And that was before the attack.
I don’t count my beauty or…. Worth on how I look or what I have. I remember when i first started dating my ex (“twin flame”) he asked me what do i love most about myself. The voice in my head (im assuming it was the Entity) kept saying Eyes Eyes Eyes…… But eyes are so cliché so after a moment i said, “motivation”.
Whether it was loosing weight, jobs, relationships, projects anything….. I always tried to check my motivations and intentions in doing so. Were they in alignment with who I know or want myself to be. They weren’t ALWAYS, and I have been naive. But for me that is self love.
Ever since this this spiritual attack my actual motivation (to do things) has been extremely looooooow. So yes my sense of self …. Let alone love of self has been distorted. And while I tried to grasp at the pieces of who I know myself to be ….. I haven’t had the space (the departure of this Entity) or chance to heal…. And I am impatient.