Not all of it resonated but I liked the overall message of choosing positivity and choosing to be light/lite.
I guess as a self analysis I’ve always listened to “dark” music and usually wear black clothes (not in a gothy way, but simple NYC way…maybe idk). But yea when I was in high school I was listening to Portishead, Bjork, and down tempo, trip hop, few years ago really into underground edm/ rave music scene…..
But……. I’ve never let it consume me. I actually always felt pretty “lite” despite my musical taste and practicality of wearing black clothes. I always tried to stay positive despite all of this, helpful, kind.
Its like it wasn’t until my ex (“twin flame”) I broke up did things get really really really dark. Like actual dark, the stuff nightmare and horror movies are made of. My ex was into edm heavy metal, Xbox fighting games, mma fighting, petty memes and working out. Kinda normal. I mean a few times he referred to himself as a demon online as a joke. But when the delusions got thick…. It was….just tooooo much to handle.
I don’t know how exactly I got sucked into this energy…. Consumed by it. I mean if I had noticed the same patterns from a few incidences in my life I can only assume its the same “energy” / entity. Same themes…. Same tricks. I guess it wasn’t until my ex came all g and we broke up that it was turn up time.
Lots of crazy dark dreams, reliving rape, guilt and shame (for things I don’t feel guilt or shame for or never even done). Zero control over my body, what I saw with my eyes wide open, what I heard, thought, completely consumed by darkness and pushed to the edge of a bridge where I was told to jump.
This wasn’t past lives, this was my life…. Right now…. Living it.
So….. I guess while I understand “darkness” its almost like at what point does it choose to consume us? To what degree of “darkness” is acceptable to maintain ones self?
I liked what I liked.
Prior to my ex (twin flame) I was in a long term relationship with my ex partner for about 5 years and we broke up but still dated for a year….. At some point I even then started to notice the slight differences but nothing too out of the ordinary, I noticed the obsession…. This dark obsessive energy ….. Like I was trying to prove something to him. It was no longer making love…. And I noticed it. At first it was fun but then …. Something … Was different…. But I didn’t feel safe anymore.
Then I went on to date guys for the first time…. And I was in uncharted territories really late in the game. I didn’t know how to proceed, I didn’t want to be clingy (a cling-on), kinda girl but I didn’t want to get played, I didn’t know about the tests…but I also never one to test anyone either. And most of all I didn’t know guys will say whatever to get what they want. Not super naive but def not hip to it either…. All I wanted was love, respect and to have some fun every once in a while.
The Entity finally got ahold of me…. Played every insecurity and fear to the max… Gripped tight every last breath…. Until I was completely unconscious and in a waking nightmare.
And now I am here.
Darkness is not an ascetic…. Its a real intention.
But still I choose light / lite. Either way good video and I look forward to the next.