What’s the Rush?


So, a woman that was concerned for me as I was for another woman in a forum has been checking up on me every so often (we have to do this people). Its comforting although no one (and I hope never) will fully understand the nightmare I have been through. I mean life already has its curve balls. Then add a full blown no holds bar entity attack…. And I’m sitting here still wondering how I’m alive.

Understanding that this Entity has been here for a while…. For me is a fact. I can say somewhere between 15 to 20 years. To what extent I do not know. I know I didn’t feel or hear the interference like I do now. It seems as though it almost studied me. My triggers, my wants, what appeals to me most.

Head in the clouds love n light kinda girl and then at the same time don’t fuck with my loved ones I will cut you kinda chick. Kinda always been…. Since I was young. As a child they called me “little woman” because I was nosey and seemed beyond my years. I am thankful for my family for instilling a deep sense of kindness in my heart. They never pushed me to be one way or the other. I mean the only real big this was coming out queer and I think we mended that.

For me a lot of the subjects that the Entity plays on that I essentially made peace with and have no problem being accountable for.

To which it had to change and twist the theme. It had to put false memories, false feelings as bait and see if it “stuck”. That 10% of not knowing or left to possibility of not knowing the full truth. 

This experience was triggered at a time when I didn’t feel like “myself”. The obsession, the crying, the anger, regret. They all came rushing in when I said, “this does not feel like ME!” That statement was the beginning of the full blown attack. And the “kill mode” was I guess because the Entity did not want to be found out because it hid behind everyone and any concept. So the rush to make me commit suicide was to don’t get found out. 

I remember when it first began its attack it said something like “Ive been trying to get this one for a while now.” And something about a “reset”. Granted this was during a pretty “good” part of my life. 

You know like (I’ve only seen in movies), when a therapist shows an inblot test and ask for what the person feels or see? Its like that. Now that the entity doesn’t have a story or person to hide behind, it shows me visions of of different topics hoping to incite an emotional reaction. If I don’t it puts a false one there. Like an anxiety attack…. Or sometimes even a “positive” ones. 

I’ve gone over many remedies over the last year non has helped so much. I have no idea if this is “shifting into 5D” or this is just another delusion we tell ourselves to excuse the fact that we are not in our natural sovereign state. 


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