This Mess-ness

Today I  saw a woman in a forum thay was crying out for help and saying she wanted to commit suicide and opt for the next life time because she is feeling too much and overwhelmed. I heard “feeling too much” and overwhelmed and automatically knew.

Other people in the group thread went on about, “that’s her choice” and getting all philosophical about reincarnation, death, alien spaceships, and god, and TOTALLY overlooking that this woman just said she wants to COMMIT SUICIDE and leave behind her family because she is feeling things too intensely out of no where.

They comepletly overlooked it. Glazed over it so that they can just go on about their belief system. I was the first of maybe 3 people (out many comments) who told her please don’t and reached out.

Like…… 

I got kinda emotional (angry at the comments, sad she wants to do it, upset cause this is happening a lot to people) but I felt like I could control them. But it scared me….. Cause I knew exactly how she felt. But I would never really need to know the sentiments in order to value the life of a perfect stranger…. But I knew. 

I messaged her…. Let her talk…. She still bottled up some things and wasn’t super open. But I asked a few other questions…. And knew we were experiencing the same thing. I asked her if she would smell scents out of no where. She said yes. So while she may not have a voice on blast…. Something is up.

I shared a bit of myself as did she but it took all my might to restrain myself. I wanted this space to be about her. She had mentioned a few things about entities and terrible dreams. I didn’t want to mention anything about an entity although I suspected, I didn’t even want that fear in her mind. But since she mentioned it, I had to tell her not to let it eat her alive and that the dream is trying to cause more fear since she is sensitive from the loss of her mother. Which seems like it was then spilling over into her relationship because of the anxiety. (She told me other things that seem similar but no need to go into detail). 

It sucks right… Cause you have people out in the world who might not understand, or just judge you, or want to fit your mess in a neat box and prescribe you a pill, or glaze over you and not give two πŸ’©πŸ’©. But you have to let someone know what’s going on SOMEONE! So that maybe there will be at least an understanding. A safety net. And you can’t keep it bottled inside.

I told her I’m here for her if she ever wants to vent and unload and I will just listen. Cause this is A LOT of people experience psychotic / schizophrenic symptoms that are ONLY suppose hit a small portion (1-1.5%) of the population. I find that there many women in their late twenties to mid thirties having some random psychotic Britney Spears break down. Maybe its because I notice or connect with women more, maybe its because we are “conditioned” to be more vocal. Its mostly women that I see the change in. Maybe men have accepted certain things as apart of our reality. (Being general AF and not trying to be sexist or cis-gender centric just trying to get the ideas out). Actually my cuzin/ best friend/ old roomies identifies as a non-binary transwoman, and has been experiencing certain things which have had me concerned (like blacking out no drugs and thinking her group of friends were casting spells on her) But there is always various degrees so I try to step back when I feel its not an emergency. 

What the fuck is up tho? Seriously? Good people….. These are good people. 

And if we don’t stand together and build each other up there is no hope. 

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