On the grand scheme of things I am unsure of where I am at. I’m not in the depths of the delusion…. But still hearing that disgusting voice, still seeing sparkles, random images I’ve never seen before and sometime indescribable. The voice has dialed down in volume 100 to 40, but still “has influence”, which is annoying. I don’t know if it is going in deeper or being rejected out. I don’t know if its here to stay …. Or as they say this too will pass. Will I move pass this entity leaving it behind for good?
So…… I have refused to be silent about my experience. I am sorry if that scares people, but image what that is for me. As i have imaged what is for people who havent been able to pull themselves out or find support. And I refuse to be drawn into fear and illusion.
So I haven’t really been outside much in the last two weeks. I had also explained to my mom’s friend I had always been an outside person, but I have been trying to at least interact with people virtually (fb groups and chats and here). I try to share my experience both for myself and for people that are going through and just to connect and not feel so isolated. Ya know. Get out of this head that has been damaged to what feels at times beyond repair.
So, as I have discussions with people (mostly 90% positive) the entity tries to pin me against other people in forums. It want me to argue/ or press a convo when its done. It tries to make it seem like my opinion and voice is not valuable to the discussion or someone said something better than me (which at times the do) but turns it into…. jelousy is the best way to describe it or feeling lesser than, instead of appreciating and agreeing with their opinion. Over the last few days this has been more apparent than usuall. Petty. So basically it wants me to become an internet troll. 😒
I’m not impressed.
I don’t know if I’m suppose to NOW have compassion for internet trolls (sarcasm in case you didn’t catch it)…… But uhm Yea…. This is the final notice of an eviction for this entity.
“But I know how to play” said the entity just now as I write this. Idk what that even means but whatever.
I am rebuilding a sense of community, bridging connections even if its virtual.
We will add petty to list of adjectives to discribe this entity…. Probably the least volitile one I can come up with at this moment.