“Don’t Date Men”

So for a while the entity kept saying “don’t date men” and saying I’m gay “again” for months. Even though dating is the least of my concerns right now. 

So my mom invited her hairdresser friend over (who I hadn’t seen in years) and things were cool. I was honest about my situation and what I am going through. And apologized for my unwillingness to present myself in a reasonable manner (ie take a shower and get out of my house clothes that I had been wearing since the Easter breakdown in church). 

We laughed and joked about it. He told me about the times he had gone through his mini breakdowns and such. After a few drinks (I wasn’t drinking) he told me I should take a bath and we prayed. I complied and when I got out of the shower he told me I need to shave my face because I look like I’m “trying to be a transgender man” and started laughing at me (I have PCOS) and I tried to take the high road and talk about mybskin regimin but he was insistant. I didn’t comply only because I was also giving my skin a rest from plucking and again it is the least of my worries right now. 

Then he out of know where said “you should not date men, I mean I can’t even find me a good man.” Now normally this wouldn’t have bothered me. But accompanied with the transgender comment and poking poking about it 6 times and the fact I never told him I was dating men. I was like OK my mom was telling him about me? Like a man brought this into my life? (Cause it didn’t matter who I was with this entity doesn’t want me to be with anyone… Isolated alone and unhappy.)

I told him “you kicked me in my fave twice on your way out“, he said “how did I do that?” I said, “IDK like a ninja?”

So I walked away and then he kept grabbing my shoulder I told him to not touch me twice and the third I blew up and screamed leave me alone. The entity kept trying to shame me and say I was embarrassing my mom. But I really didn’t care in that moment. I slammed the door to my sister room and locked myself in until he left he said bye I said peace. 

Later I asked my sister if I was wrong. She said well he kept pushing it. I told her I don’t have any animosity towards him, I just try to let people know in the moment. I guess that because i shared with him explicitly what i was going through something and hearing really really negative voices that I expected him to be more conciderate and kind as i have always been with him. (With most people actually). But I should have kept my cool. 

I let it blow over and later before I went to bed my mom came over and said, he shouldn’t have said what he said. And I asked her if she ever told him that I was dating men. She said no and I kinda believe her. So ….  Then I got confused.

Either way. That was my yesterday. I really need to keep my cool. Crazy is one thing anger is another….. Normally it takes a lot more for me to blow up….. But this experience got me on edge. I can take ownership of that.

I watched a YouTube video that had mentioned that “channeled” messages or maybe even sychonicities are apart of being stuck in the “matrix”. Its like you get stuck on signs and messages and the ironies (“karma”) and synchronicities just to figure out how to navigate and give it this “meaning” as to WHY these things are happening. Or they just could have happened and we can be aware and still put ourselves in other people’s shoes and come from a place of understanding with out having to go through the whole production. Who knows.

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