Schizophrenia post

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/670827-Hearing-voices-and-feeling-like-people-are-watching-me-reading-my-mind

I found this post resonate with me. Only I don’t have that much I regret or that has really weighed me down (other than the fact this entity can manipulate me and i had to do sex work which still isn’t that serious to me) and I’ve tried drugs a few times (cigarettes and sugar are my preferred vice). What sucks is this guy feels he is a terrible person….. And he not. And that’s the running theme I find going on here. I bet if he really looked he would find its just one. But the fact that these “voices”, ONLY seem to come out negative is telling as to their nature. 

He mentioned that they were trying to make him gay which he wasn’t. The voice did the same to to me, only I identify as queer (although I was exclusively dating men) and don’t give a shit and believe same sex couples have the right to love. The voice would say “well I guess you’re gay now!” And would also call my ex (twin flame) gay, or say “You’ve  gay now” (meaning because it made me cut off all my hair and thinks I’m ugly and fat that he has to look at a man all day). I have never used the term Gay as a slur, nor do I think it’s something to be ashamed of.

Either way…. There were a lot of similarities in the article…. But as I said they are very negative, random and I am unsure of its agenda. The guy also feels closed off and has considered suicide. Any being/entity/part of our brain …. WHY? Why would it want us to take our lives. If this is a part of me why would it want me to take my life? 

“It says because it wants another one”, its tired of looking at me, “end of my show”. Like really? How could my mind even come up with this shit? And almost all of a it is the OPPOSITE of who I know myself to be. 

I heard of some drug addicts receiving visions of like relative who has passed or Jesus and they were then able to get their life right. So why am I chillin and this shit just keeps popping out of know where.

There is something about OPPOSITE that seems to ring true… Why would my subconcios mind be able to tell the near future? How would my subconscious mind be the opposite? Why would the subconscious mind run you through extremes? 

What funny is often the voice/entity tries to beat me to my own thought so I am aware of most of my first unformulated thoughts. So example: I hear my mom move in the kitchen. Maybe she says “lord have mercy” Maybe I visualize her – the entity then says “I got her, she’s next, you’ve blessed (cursed her)” or something to that extent. This is a NO! Just no.

Either way interesting read.

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2 thoughts on “Schizophrenia post

  1. For what it’s worth I see the voices as part of me that was traumatised in the past. And now wants to lash out at the world because they are like a wild animal which has been wounded. I am basically there only outlet. It can be hard to take this point of view when shit is tough but i genuinely believe over past year or so they have mellowed quite a bit, with this point of view in mind. This is just my view. I guess you got to find what works for you.

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    • Yea the volume is so amped up. My head use to get soooo hot just having this voice blow my head off on volume 100. It does take on many traumas but it seems to make fun of them. Ranging from rape, break ups, deaths/ sickness in the family, and child hood fears, and any slight want or desire (basics home life family love job) . The one that’s is with me has no remorse…. And is pretty much a psychopath. Like the joker…. Its “madness” is more important than anything more important than my life. And I know it knows how to “turn down”. Yea I have no idea what works anymore. My therapist quit, the medication is pointless as most people know, and …. Spiritual community charges a lot of money to “get rid of it” but I’m pretty sure its Bs. But the community had opened my eyes to a few things and blog about it has helped me cope I some mild form even though the voice wants me to delete it and has made me delete another in the past that had predictions in it. But more so it’s great to have people who reach out and make it feel like your not the only one.

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