Talk that Talk

I unsure how to stop talking or “entertaining” this entity and keep my own sanity at the same time. Much of the time it has tried to skew memories of life events around so that it can shame or guilt good or bad …. But mostly ones I let go of. So often I find myself talking back, or searching through my recollection to make sure it was the way I remembered it (even if the entity’s voice influenced it). If that makes any sense at all. 

The shaman I went to told me to stop entertaining it and I am unsure how, the longest I can go is a day with out saying much but still find myself responding in images or rolling my eyes or getting up to smoke a cigarette because the thoughts or images that entity presented upset me.

How do you ignore something that CONSTANTLY talking to you and using ever detail of your life against you twisting it into a negative form?

Even now the entity is trying to inturupt my thought process as I write this. 

When I stop myself from thinking it either goes on about my ex (“twin flame”), molestation, killing myself, moving, some random detail of my life or says terrible things about my family members.

When I try to sleep it shows me images and even if they are “normal”, I still get worried it will turn into images of child abuse so I open my eyes. As I open my eyes I see swirls, lines or sparkles. Almost like “seeing” energy. 

One day when no one was home and there was finally no TVs on that the entity could pick up words/ideas from, I laid in bed with an eye mask on and saw all these sparkles. I did and experiment on myself and pinched myself …. Tried to noticed the thoughts that rolled by but I could not associate the sparkles with anything particular. There was one big white one that was more random almost a slow pulse and would flash but not on any time amount. And there were a few little ones of different colors that would flash more frequently. 

The entity was upset at this. My focus was on the darkness…. The stillness of closing my eyes the lights or maybe the other patterns I saw were just there. The entity kept trying to bring my attention to my “third eye” or imagination, or that daydream like state. But I was focused on the darkness, where there were no images. Since then when I close my eyes I rarely see the sparkles. The entity said he was going to take them away so I rarely see them now when I close my eyes mostly when open. 

Back to what I was saying, so not responding is almost impossible. I mean I use to talk to myself when I had a lot of tasks on my plate. But nothing too serious at times I wondered if I cracked into two. But this is not me. Whatever it is…… It just does not feel like me.

Today for about a minute the entity gave me this EXTREMELY overwhelming feeling/ thought that it was God. I was trying to sleep and it felt like hypnotism. It felt disgusting. The entity called it ,”Gods Love“. But I know its not God. My first thought when I got up was, wouldn’t God want us to love him with out making us? This upset me. I felt really really gross after. I’ve never complicated my belief in God. Just do good as much as possible. So why would there be a strong thought or sensation imposed on me to believing that this thing is God, when I already believe in God. (Yea it gets crazy round these parts). But this is just a slice of what I have been dealing with all day every day for a year and 3 months.

How do I “stop entertaining” it?????

It just does whatever it wants. With no reasons to my knowledge. Sometimes when I wake up I hear it talking to itself in another room. It would act as though someone else walked in or just hanging with friends still talking about MY life. But I know there is no others. It does that when its bored. It use to act as more than one usual just two but I realized it was just one from how fast it was talking. I use to feel sad for it. But now…. I’ve lost compassion. Sometimes it uses humor or sympathy to draw me back in but now I’m just over being lied to.

I’m just tired. I am unable to focus on my family the way I would like to. And it sucks because this is the first time I’ve been back in over a decade.

And tips on not entertaining when you have a full blown magic show happening please let me know. 

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