Before 2016 every once in a while I would have a feeling, voice or sensation wash over me…. Most of the times I did not feel connected to it and easily dismissed the feeling.
It wasn’t until 2016 when the entity really went in and wanted to carry out its “die of molestation” play (while I was working with teens) that I started to understand the feelings that I did not feel connected to. Because they were not me.
I thought quiting my job would stop what was happening. But it didn’t stop the entity from trying to take control of my life.
The new game/play is “was it me or was it you?”.
It has different levels of “suggestions” from almost silent / urg (say vices like smoking a cigarette) to extremely loud (like an amp is to my head). It also has far off distant sounds and sound like other people (while suggesting who it might be through images or suggestion). Its like it copies sounds. One night I literally heard a door slam in my head much like the door to the ally way but it wasn’t. Also can copy music as well as make it up.
Its the same thing for visions/ images and imagination. One day I was laying in my bed during the thick of the dillussion and while the entity was trying to give me the sensation of a “brain aneurism” which felt more like a stroke it then tried to scary me with the vision of Alien rapture which I laughed at.
I use to use my imagination a lot usually with music…. Choreograph dances and swirly stuff in my head. But because of this entity I am unable to fully access it because it steps in and tries to show me images that would scare me or changes it which becomes a struggle just to daydream.
Feelings and sensations. Much like the anxiety/ fear or pins and needles sensation, burning (head, feet, genitals), buzz, headaches or general pain can be mimicked. So emotions both “love” which spanned from head in the clouds to obession to fear … anxiety and pain. Ect ect.
As I write this the entity said “don’t you get it, I store your memories.” Buuuut that’s untrue and false because they don’t feel right. Sometimes the visions of my childhood are skewed and from an outside perspective, like someone looking in and not as I remember them. So in a way i know those are made up, I’ve also wondered if there are from the perspective of the entity, but again the entity only really recalls negative memories. And can’t recall a song my mom wrote from my childhood. So its doing a poor job of holding memories if that is the case.
So , “is it me or is it you”, is a way of trying to confuse me. And while I was opened to questioning my existence …. The sensation that this entity tries to mimick are false. Doesn’t matter if I miss some. The entity tried to keep me focused on it through this new game …. Because I understood what feelings or suggestions where not me or of my nature. So I have gone crazy, realizing the times in my life where I was influenced by this entity. However I will take accountability for my actions (to an extent). I know my natural state…. And decision making process so when something else steps in and tries to influences it it feel off. I never knew…. I didn’t understand…. Still don’t… But I never knew. I just knew it felt (physically) bad…. Just felt bad.
Questioning every feeling or sensation, sound, urge, or thing I have ever done…. And the entity says “its was all me”. There is no balance. That is why I say truth is truth whether I know it or not. Why this entity is here I don’t know…. Why it has tried to influence my life through deception I will never know. Why it wants me to commit suicide….. I don’t know.
If this was of me or of God there would be no question. There would be no dismissal.
So knowing ones self is important… But is also driving me a bit crazy trying to account for every thought and feeling past and present.
In a way I have to let it go.
Now that the entity is moving on to pin and needles all over my body I’m unsure how this will go. It was inspired by the fibromyalia and this lady in a forum who said there are days she screams in pain from the “kryas” which is some spirit thing in relation to Kundalini.
Trying to stay strong.