Pins and Needles
Nervously anxious, as in He was on pins and needles, waiting for the test results. The graphic expression pins and needles for the tingling sensation experienced in recovering from numbness was transferred to a feeling of marked mental uneasiness about 1800.
Once I “released” some of my fear(s) the entity voice has noe moved on to actual “pain”. Much like the fear that based from childhood (which was real) the lingering memories were not. They are unnecessary. The “pain” I now feel which feels much like pins and needles all over my body and then this kind of shooting pain to the head is not real. The entity/ voice called it “fibromyalgia” prolly because there are a lot of commercials on TV about it but the pins and needle sensation has nothing to do with it.
The entity has to name everything, or give it a meaning. And its usually pretty messed up.
So now that I know that the fear was “installed” as a false feeling….. Meaning there is real fear…. REAL fear that you don’t think about or over analyze. That instant moment when something is about to drop on your toe. That’s real. But that FALSE feeling…. That anxiety…. That thumping in your chest for no reason…. That whisper in your ear is a false sense of Fear and pointless to our survival.
So now its pain…. Although not real pain like a scraped knee or an actual disease…. This pain is only a means to fear. But it is not real.
For the most part I know who i am. I know my body. The entity now trying to act like its teaching me a lesson. It said in time I “will understand all of this”. But it has discredited itself with the lies. There is nothing I can see that I have done that would rationalize what this entity has done to me in this time in my life. And as it has given “meaning” to other things in my life as my life moves forward I am sure it will rationalize (good or bad) why it has done what its done. It weaves together a “storyline” and influences as so.
It has no true purpose in my life. I’ve asked it to leave my life everyday and it says NO.
More on choice, free will and authenticity later.