Panties

I was sleeping …. Over sleeping

The entity showed me an upshot of a girls panties half way off. I have never seen anything like this nor do I want to. I wasn’t sure if it was to wake me up or to be a complete fucking piece of shit. 

I woke up and then said I don’t care…..he tried to force me to cry.… I asked him to stop. 

I rolled over in my bed and said I don’t care anymore because nothing is going to stop this for some reason. He called me a pedophile again for the 500 billionth time. I said a pedophile is someone who enjoys it. This is rape. 

Im like fuck it this makes me wanna smoke a whole pack of cigarettes again… The entity told me to “go smoke it and die. You are just like your mom”

It threatened me in other ways but I have no idea what emotion to feel. Yestureday I was more funny…. Like I was making fun of how ridiculous this has all been…. But waking up to some pedophile shit just ruined a already pretty shitty week. Im not going to see my mom in the hospital, I am no going to therapy today.. It doesn’t make it go away…. It doesn’t make any level of this manageable or forgivable. 

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13 thoughts on “Panties

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  1. I am also called a peodofile by my voices and can see horrific images of child abuse. From what I have read this is not an uncommon thing to happen to people in certain situations. And is not spoken off much but there are some people who speak and try to deal with it. The woman on following link mentions it about 3 pages in
    http://www.jacquidillon.org/biography/background/
    And the woman at the following link runs the odd course that tries to deal with it and similar things.
    http://www.behindthelabel.co.uk/
    I did find these images so horrifying and listening to voices calling me peodfile for a billion time, I tried to take my life a few times , but it got much better it just took time. Please try not to let this stuff get you down you are not alone in experiencing this sort of thing. Sending hugs and good vibes your way. By the way very brave to write this so honestly I don’t share this information about myself with anyone just the odd person online when I find people who have the same experience.

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    1. Thank you so much it is comforting to know I’m not alone in this experience….. Its scary to be honest about what I hear and see because I don’t actually want to be pinned as one. At one point I wanted to be a mother and after this I am afraid if I ever actual were it would only get worse….. Or even compromising. I don’t know why people of different walks would experience the same thing….. Why we who are actually not ones …. And if anything want the best for children in the world would experience something so horrific ….. When there are actual child abusers and pedophiles out there hurting children and peoples lives. The drugs aren’t working…. Therapy isn’t working….. I have no idea where my life is heading….. Most all my relationships have crumbled and my family is falling ill……and I have to deal with this torment everyday and be agitated rather than focusing on them and rebuilding my life. …if this is “schizophrenia” or kundalini or whatever else people want to call it ….. I do not understand what part of our brain would insist of calling us a pedophile all day when we are not and would never be one. Thank you again for speaking up and speaking out as someone who experienced this.

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      1. I truly wish I could say something to make it all better. All I have done is get used to be called a peodfile. I don’t bother to argue with any voices or entity’s as I find it a waste of time. They simply cannot be reasoned with by arguing. I try to be kind to them regardless of how they treat me and I take the piss out of them a lot as well. I have found humour to be somewhat useful. I also try mindfulness meditation I think this helps me to be less reactionary to difficult stuff being thrown my way. I also give myself instructions before I sleep like I will have peaceful dreams etc. This overtime has cleaned up most unpleasant dreams , my dreams are still weird but much more peaceful now. I guess your going to have to find what works for you. Keep trying things you just need to stumble on to what works for you. Again your not alone , I wish you the best in dealing with your life experiences.

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      1. I was just wondering about your current predicament in relation to your star sign.I guess i can only find out more by looking at your full birth chart(moon sign,rising sign,other signs;etc and their placements),since this is not an just an Aries thing.I’m into astrology and i think your birth chart might show a kind of connection.

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      2. Interesting. I’ve looked into my birth chart but I don’t know how to read it…. I got a general print out on astrocafe. In one of the you tube posts someone said Aries got “attacked” which attacked seems like an understatement. General tarot card readings seem like Aries was going through something last year but thing should be getting better this year. But I don’t know it wasn’t always applicable. My Pluto is in Libra… I know that deals with the subconscious but as you said there are a lot of people who are going through this it seems just various situations. One woman had a YouTube channel and she was going through the exact thing but then she took it down and is no where to be found on the internet. I’m keeping mine up even though i was “told” to delete this several times but people need to know they are not alone and not the only one going through this and there seems to be ties to so many different reasonings. Trying to explain what I am going through in the gross details with out triggering other people or making this seem like who I know myself to be is a delicate dance. If you ever want to chat just contact me.

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      3. Can you tell me your full date of birth?So I can look into your birth chart for you.Now that I think of it,your liithe sign,true node and saturn sign can give some insights on what problems you will have to face in life.
        The lithe sign is not highly recorgnized but very important,it has to do with past life influences,karma,etc.It may tell you what it is you have carried over from your past life that is linked to your experiences.The Saturn sign might tell you were you will face hardship or what areas you will have to be “hard” at.
        I’ll also suggest you check out numerology and find out what what the numbers in your names can tell you(full name is needed for this)You can try personal, state of mind tarot readings and you can tell me what latest tarot card (s) come from the reading(there are many tarot sites online),so I can interpret it (or you can do it yourself,if you’re good at it).These will play a vital part in understanding yourself.

        Oh,the Pluto sign usually controls sexuality and sexual and dynamic expression,transformation and is ruled by the planet Scorpio,the sign of darkness, death and mystery.Your Jupiter sign should also tell you more about your hidden self.

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      4. March 25 1983 8:54am ….. Prior to this experience I believed in past lives and karma in passing no big deal. But after all of this I am having a hard time believing in either…. Like I’ve done “good things” and and been “of service” most of my life but I do not see any “good karma” especially since this “entity” has revealed itself and started reeking havoc in my life. If we are suppose to learn from out past lives then why don’t we remember? Why would karma from a life I know nothing nor remember have anything to do with this one? How does that balance anything? How does that make us better people/ souls?

        My birth chart is a prescription for my suffering? Like that is wild! I can look at astrology and tarot up to a point. But I do NOT feel deep down to the core of my being (whether I was or wasn’t) that we are here to suffer or should suffer from “karma” of a “past life”.

        Ever since this experience I feel like there are no past lives, just “entities” that try to fuck with your life.

        Numerology – What your name means. Your name is associated with the gematria number 2
        Your birth date: 03251983 corresponds to Life Path number 4.
        Your sign of the Zodiac is Aries. You were born in the year of the pig. 

        It was hard for me to fully relate to my name number 2. But whatever. I would like your insight on the Lilith stuff.

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      5. Sorry i took time to reply,i had already written a long reply,but i accidentally deleted it.Hmm…I will need your place of birth (country/region/state) for your birth chart.As for not believing in some if this stuff,I don’t blame you because you’ve been through a lot clearly.To know about your past life,I’ll suggest past life regression.It’s a technique like a kind of mindful meditation that will help you see your past self(nationality,sex,occupation,adventures, misfortunes,etc).The process is slow and steady if done alone but there are psychologists who specialize in that whom you can go to.Online there are many guided meditation videos and tios that can help you in the process alone.
        For tarot reading,general ones are not the best.I’ll suggest you do personal ones like state of mind or daily tarot readings.You can find many free sites online.When you are done,I’ll like you to tell me the predominant tarot (s) card you pick,that is if you cannot interpret them yourself or if you don’t understand it well.
        I cannot say that this “entity” is an activity of demonic possession,since it seems to operate externally and mostly “in your head”,and it doesn’t seem to alter your personality (from all your posts I’ve read).So I’m not really sure about this “entity”.
        Number 2 in numerology equals the ‘master number’ 11 (also 22).2’s (and 11’s) are mediator like figures,teachers,deep spirituals and give peace any where they go.You should also know having a master number leads to many synchronicities which can signify also many trials.11:11 for example is a number of synchronicity.
        I’ll tell you more about the lilith sign and your lilith sign later,when you give me your place of birth to complete your birth chart reading (because longitude and latitude is needed).

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      6. New York NY – thank you for doing this I appreciate it.

        In 2011 I started seeing 1111 then 333 and then 777 mostly but then started to see 777 mostly and figured this was my number. I looked up and found they were angel numbers and just used them as reassurance when I did see them. But now they have lost meaning for me through out this experience.

        I did a past life mediation a while back and was in the depths of water so I was either an ameoba or a “mermaid of atlantis” but I either way never took it too seriously. This entity has said that in past life I was Isis but also said I was a child molester that harmed 57 children…. Which I don’t even known who would even have time for all of that. Either way I think its bullshit. And even if its was true why am I here then? And if I’m here to “learn a lesson” from a past life how is showing me “third eye” visions of child abuse helpful to the present or any life there after? Just my train of thought.

        While I am unsure if this is “demonic” possession…. The experience over the last year has been scary and gross and close enough to it for me. The forced “energetic rape” orgasms and the jerking of my body and trying to make me say or think things seem pretty close to a possession. But again I’m unsure…. I read up on some satanic stuff and apparently demons be chill in and don’t believe in harming another or suicide which is the same a God. Is “Satan” my homeboy nah…… But if both religious text state this fact then I’m confused as to what exactly this experience is. Currently the entity forced me to quit my job so that is financial abuse along with the spiritual, mental, physical and emotional abuse as well. So I don’t have money for past life regression or tarot card reading(which I did spend a lot of money on trying to figure out what the hell was happening to me.

        Thanks again and I look forward to your reading. 😊

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