(Diary of an ex twin flame)
I wish I could heal that for him. A week ago he asked me to come over, I had to do some things but got dressed to go see him in his new apartment. I thought we might make out and watch some TV since he knew where I stood. But I’m stupid and it seems the only way for me not to be stupid is to become a complete hermit. The entity told me I shouldn’t go, but I wanted to get out of the house.
So it had snowed and it was pretty cold but I called him to make sure he still wanted to hang out and I hopped in a cab get there and he fell asleep. I waited like 5 mins to see if he would answer but found another cab to go home. 4am he wakes up pissed that he fell asleep and I was kinda mad but, he said he had the worse weekend ever and begged me to come back over. Previously he had talked about making chocolate chip pancakes in the morning. Bla bla so I thought this gonna be cool.
I get there he wasn’t answering the phone so was like is this a joke, the Entity told me I shouldn’t have went again and kinda consoled me because I thought there was something really wrong with this guy if he was pranking me. Finally i saw him walking down the street and when we get inside we started making out a bit, its nice, I like making out with him. We get comfortable to watch something on Netflix and all cuddled up and about 10 mins into the show he starts begging for sex. I told him the first few times to stop or I will punch him in his face, but I broke down and got intimate. I am terrible at saying NO. And I went through all this trouble to spend time with him. It’s not what I wanted but its what happened.
So soon as we finished, like immediately after, he looked away and asked me to leave because he wasn’t sure about his roommates and having guests overnight. I just started crying, because it was so cold and I didn’t expect that. I don’t know why he would invite me over at that time if he wasn’t sure about overnight guest. Or at least tell me first, or at least cuddle with me after. But I cried mad cause I really liked this guy and that the Entity was right…this time.
I just cried and cried and ran out of his house jumped into a cab and got a disgusting breakfast hot pocket and cookies on the way home to stuff my face. Terrible I know. He texted me that night and morning but I didn’t answer. I mistakenly called him and we had a quick chat about the situation and I told him he hurt me. But ultimately I don’t want to be with someone who is gonna beg for sex. Maybe I just don’t know this dating and guys thing too well.
I hadn’t spoken to him in a week and he sent me a random text asking DTF? (Down to fuck?) I didn’t answer and he kept calling and texting saying I could sleep over, and as much as I wanted to see something other than these 4 walls I can’t compromise myself again. Sucks cause I really liked him and was hoping things worked out.
Oh well. I would love nothing more than love & companionship …. But at what price?
I know I’m not suppose to but still miss him (ex TF). It’s things like this that make me miss him more. Even awkward was comfortable.