How Much Longer?!

I have been waiting to feel better…. Be better feel functional …. Not a fraction no more no less other than being me fully holistically. 

I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. I mean I work through the emotions every last drop….. Ones that are not even mine….. Fuck this subconscious shit… I know my first thoughts. There is no train…. It is chaotic… There are reasons then there are not…. 

Im tired of this prison ….. I almost got completely zapped again tonight …. My energy felt low…. I began to stuff my face with food, suck down another cigarette as my mind became a canvas for visions that aren’t mine. That are sent by this entity. Visions that upset me. 

To what end? To what point? The journey? What journey if I am sitting at home all day no money to do shit …. So that this entity can play with my mind. What good am I? I feel useless. 

Why is there no one that can help me? Who can tell me what exactly is hapoening and how to fix it. Doctor or shaman? Why does it cost so much money? …. When the world needs sooooooooooo much healing. Why me when all I tried to do was do good in the world for the most part. Why me? Why me? Why me? 

Just why?………… 

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