Work it out

So got my gym membership and went one day for 30 min and could barely move for days after. 
I want my health back after being inactive for 6 months and almost incapacitated from the onslaught of “energy” in 2016 (ie. Entity attack or kundalini or whatever). 

I’ve picked up some serious bad habits over the last 6 month just to cope;

Eating way too much: Going from eating meat once a week to almost every day. Tons of sugar, every time my sister called for assistance at night I would either smoke a cigarette or midnight snack. 

Smoking waaaay  too much: I went from indulging in 2-4 cigarettes a day to a whole pack just to deal with hearing and feeling this entity. Though I have gone down to maybe half a pack now. 

Sleep Pattern: My sleep pattern depends on my sister and my mom and who’s taking g care of my sister at the moment. Past few days I have been waking up at 4pm cause I’m not getting to sleep until 8am. Gym is not 24hrs.

Depression and pain: I told my ex that my motivation was what I liked most about myself. Why I did certain things. But that dissolved since then because of this entity attack. Pain in general emotional, mental, physical was on full blast… My blood pressure is skybhigh cause my nerves are shot. The pressure on my head and throat (from the entity) worried me about being on the treadmil. I have been trying to be gentle with myself while still putting place practices that are important to me.

So now that I laid out the reasons, how do I change this? How do I cultivate my motivation again? My friend said she would train me but I don’t want to be dependant on that too much. I gained 45ld since April 2016. That’s waaay too much. The depression/energy has me inconsistent with everything ….. So eating clean is difficult…. Cause my family always has snacks in the house. I never had bad snacks in my house. The working out I’m just gonna go…. But its like being a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time …. Something has to click. Discipline and motivation. 

I wanted to start a weight loss blog to hold myself accountable, showing my meal prep and routine and results weekly. But idk. I wanted some results first. Cause some of the Instagram ones only show results now how they got there.

Idk. Something needs to change soon. 

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