How to become a Liar

I’m not OK….. 

I haven’t been OK for a year… But possibly longer. 

I haven’t had a moment of true relief. 

I almost forget what it feels like when I was just OK if not better. 

I’m learning to lie. 

Better and better. 

To tell people I’m OK when I’m so far off the scale of bad. 

Because I don’t want to repeat or burden. 

But there is a spectrum…. To bad. 

Bad to worse… Worse to terrible… Terrible to numb. 

But I’m not OK. 

I smile … Bite the bullet… Spin the wheels trying to get to OK. 

Trying to wait it out until I’m OK. 

Trying pray it in.  .  just to be OK.  

I’m not. 

But I’m alive. And thankful. 

I’m alive ….but not Okay.

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