I’m not OK…..
I haven’t been OK for a year… But possibly longer.
I haven’t had a moment of true relief.
I almost forget what it feels like when I was just OK if not better.
I’m learning to lie.
Better and better.
To tell people I’m OK when I’m so far off the scale of bad.
Because I don’t want to repeat or burden.
But there is a spectrum…. To bad.
Bad to worse… Worse to terrible… Terrible to numb.
But I’m not OK.
I smile … Bite the bullet… Spin the wheels trying to get to OK.
Trying to wait it out until I’m OK.
Trying pray it in. . just to be OK.
But I’m alive. And thankful.
I’m alive ….but not Okay.