“Karma” pt III

I’m still confused about karma. 

I feel like most people use it as a “curse” than a “blessing”.

I’m not seeing where all my good “karma” is. I fought hard for justice… And love…. And never anything in return but never thought everything would crumble and all I would be left with my family and this entity.

I always tried to treat people with respect even when they disrespected me.That’s what my mom told me to do.

Jaded. 

I’ve noticed a pattern with only the guys I’ve dated recently that they fall asleep and I am waiting outside their door and end up going home. Usually in the winter and only 6 months long. 

What is that? 

Where is the good Karma? 

I fought to keep other people in their homes and I don’t have one of my own.

I tried to employ people even when I was unemployed and I’m jobless. 

I tried to show love and still can’t keep a relationship. And keep having these odd almost repetive cycles with guys. 

Sure, I can ask what is this trying to tell me. Where is the lesson in all of this? How can I approach it differently? But how do you approach a guy falling asleep and not answering the door 3 times with 3 different guys? How do you approuch irony? Isn’t that karma? Irony? 

That’s what we deemed it as. That’s the value our modern day society gave it. And so it is carried out. When do we send the word Karma out with a blessing? So what only is going and coming around is negativity. Nothing positive. Its like every negative thing ever said to me, done to me, or not so great deed I’ve done has come back all at once and twisted…  Exacerbated.

So is Karma just another spirit world game? A curse for amusement? 

How do we get rid of these cycles? How do we even accumulated them? 

Its like you have these innial interactions with people and then there is a fuck up yours or there’s and then it follows you no matter how you try to re-approuch the situation. No matter how much you try not to fuck up or avoid that situation again.

So what matters in all of these situations? Because if you are kind you are stupid …… If you fuck up karma comes back 10 fold and follows you like a monkey on your back.

I’m trying not to be jaded. I really am. Cause I’m not seeing any “good karma”. 

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