Date Night II

(Diary of an ex twin flame)

So he wanted to meet up tonight as well. Second night in a row. We went to go see a movie and hang out. He is between apartments so he was going to get a hotel room. 😒 I was like no funny business. He ensured me that there wasn’t. 

Prior to this I was up all night one day and was looking at affordable hotel rooms because I wanted to spend one night by myself outside of my parents. We he was looking for places I suggested the one I was looking at. Kind of ironic. 

Two drink later in the lounge we were making out in his room. The decided to go get some pizza. So I’m bad at this dating thing and always feel terrible because making out shouldn’t equal to sex….but for some it does and I blame myself because I like making out. I had to tell him no even though I wanted to. I had to calm him and myself down. I quickly got my things together and was getting ready to leave. Cause again I feel bad when these situations happen so the only thing I can do is remove myself. He asked / begged for me to stay. 

I tried to explain to him its not that I didn’t want to, its that it wasn’t time. He still tried to get fresh a few other times and then calmed down. We started to talk and out of no where told me he had a break down a couple of years ago. I had said to myself that prior that i would tell him about mine if things worked out just so he knew where i was coming from. He explained my situation almost to a T. I got a bit paranoid. But I finally opened to him as he did to me. 

I prayed on this. Even though I am usually punished for praying… I prayed for signs …. Comforts. He went through his own version but more or less the same symptoms. I told him that because of what I went through I didn’t want to share myself with just anyone. He understood. 

We talked and spent almost 12 hours with each other which felt like nothing. I think we had a good time. Even if its not forever, it was everything I needed in this moment of my life. I hugged the shit out of him for opening up to me. He said he was sorry his behavior and understood where I was coming from. He also told me the importance to quitting smoking in this situation. I can see addictions and vices of any kind. I told him the same thing with sex. 

I had to leave for night duty for my sister. There were some awkwardness, he seemed more awkward than before, pulled bsck emotionally and physically, maybe its because he opened up, maybe its because he didn’t go all the way which he thought was going to happen. Idk. It didn’t feel bad but awkward. As I said I appreciate it for what it is and was and I thanked him and God.

Strange…… Ironic encounter. I’m gonna take my time… Try not think too far ahead. Plus I have so much other stuff to worry about… And getting my life together. 

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