Grand Finale? 

The entity said he is waiting (to leave) for the “Grand finale” and then insinuated that something else is going to happen to my mother …. Even after this heart attack. I’m worried since the other things were true. 

Then he changed it to say that the “Grand Finale” is me. Which I really don’t want to be stuck with thing until my last day…. Its halting and undoing all of my progress I had made for myself. 

I looking back at this shit and just like wtf and looking to go into the future with this thing is not an option I would like to entertain at all. How much healing, how much prayer, how much magick needs to happen? 

When can I unpause? 

He told me one year of this …. I believed him. I how am I suppose to have a job if this thing “casts a set” on me and I’m hearing 100 voices and can’t concentrate on my work or I get overwhelmed?

This is the first time I have ever gone through something like this. Idk how to proceed. I get a little bit of motivation and then its gone. I’m bored just sitting here trying to figure out and waiting for this to stop.

I always knew I was a weirdo but this is a whole new level. 

This thing has taken away the vivid part of my imagination. Where I would relax and make dances to my favorite music. This thing is just blocking me.

This pyschic lady told me “no one can take away your blessing”, but I feel like that’s exactly what is happening. Or being blocked. Job, lovers, imagination, money, health, sanity, confidence. 

This is my life? Really?

I struggled all these years for this to be something? To be met with schizophrenia “mid-life” and the inability to move forward in a quick sand of the past? Really?

I’m not saying that I expect a mansion …. I’m just saying that I didn’t think the things I worked for would be so easily ripped from me.

I wallowing …. Its natural…. I’m reminded of the past as I try to move forward…. I don’t even know the direction cause this entity distracts me …disempowers, persueds ….. And im tired of the struggle inward and outward …. I mean I was use to the outward struggle now I have to do this struggle in silence ….. Alone… Cause no one will ever understand …. Even if they do …

I crying now. I trying to stay positive. But I don’t know what I am missing. 

MAY 2017 UPDATE: Even after my moms heart attack in November 2016, my mom did have a stroke in early February 2017 which she is now trying to recover from. She is doing OK. And yes the Entity is still here. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s