Spiritual and Medical Approach

Most of the “healers” that I have gone to (of many variations christian, hoodoo, angelic, witch, reki energy healers, ect) insisted that I continue my meds ( I’m sure for liability concerns). 

So I am gonna get EVERYTHING checked out. Eyes (flashing lights) Brain (nerves knocking choking burning sensations in the body ect), harmons (random crying), vitals ect. Apparently my vitals came back good! I even lowered my A1C. The psychiatrist was surprised that the meds didn’t work but….. Hey…. Let’s take these stupid pills and hope for the best. My blood pressure started to rise last month because this has been stressful personally as well as everything going on in my life as well as trying to figure out wtf is happening to me.

So I will take the meds, get the scans, try to push myself back towards my healthy lifestyle. But as the same time…. I hear this voice and at the same time this voice has said and done things for me to believe most of what would appear to be health concerns is connected to it. How or why I don’t know. 

But I want to make sure that I am in generally good health. I have to before I fully reapprouch the world.

I am also trying to map out most of my 2017 in a planner so that I have more of a routine (which I hate, but will at least try) so i can reach some goals. I am amped up but at the same time understand that in a way I have to completely rebuild my life after this. I want to maintain my motivation (both for myself and my sister) but also have patience learn how to build something with solid foundation so I don’t have to just float through life as I have always. But still allowing the float so I can be flexible… I’ve always been mostly flexible with life.

A side note: its been kinda hard to read the things I am interested in because this voice will argue with me about the validity of the subject…. And I’m just like can I read it for what it is think about it later or something? Or at least finish the sentence. Also it has used a lot of the things I have studied/ read as “inspiration”(more on the negative side) for this experience, but also some of my experience has also led me to these topics. So I’m kind stuck because I want to keep researching maybe find a good book with out feeling like it will be used against me or that I have to debate anything about it with this voice/ entity. As an artist I use these things as inspiration for drawings and stuff. But somehow I’m actually living it. 

Yea…. I know…. Crazy. 

A whole year so far. I told the entity if he wants to be friends like he is gonna have to switch up this act completely. The whole threatening me and my FAM, and sexualizing things …. The lies/bullshit, constantly reminding me of my ex when it is so far done…. Living in the past and trying to make me afraid of the future…. Shits gotta go, since i cant find a way to completely release this. I mean a lot of website say oh its just energy and blocks or whatever…. But I mean I can understand some of the stuff…. but at the same time a clear cognative voice…. With psychic abilities, opinions of its own, IDK if that’s just some swirled up energy ball hanging around my chakras. 

Tonight I was laying in bed and I felt the pressure on my head and then the choking sensation again (which has been pretty much this whole year) and then I felt myself speed up, felt angry…. Annoyed …. Agitated…. And I realized it. Cause I was feeling this really for no reason. I was just reading some stuff online. 

Anyways trying to be aware of what’s going on…. But focused on what I need to do. Trying to nuture all parts of myself…. While I am with this entity thing.

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