Schizophrenia (pt2)

So I’m taking the meds again. The doctor was shocked that the medication wasn’t working prior. If anything “symptoms” have “dialed down” on there own while I wasn’t on the meds. 

From reading about people having “super natural” experiences (is ghosts, demons, aliens, angels, energy ect), to hearing God, to psychics, kundalinis whatever ….. I mean sheesh even Buddha had it under the tree….. And so many times in the bible. There are a lot of people who are having “schizophrenic” experiences of hearing a voice(s), tactical senses, visions ect. Mass hysteria? 

But what do you do with it?

Some channel it into art (writing, art, music etc), some channel it into psychic abilities, inner knowing, religion, work, nature, who knows what else. Some never get a chance or the ability to “channel” it, and get stuck just falling down the rabbit hole flailing. ….. Can’t say that hasn’t been me.

What’s the difference between me …. A “schizophrenic” on meds and a phychic or some one who saw/heard a ghost? 

Well my experience has been on going and 24/7 for a year now though I have had little experiences here and there. Where other peoples seem to be brief moments. Mine seems to have a strange pattern of job loss, break up, moving, loosing weight and then hearing this voice. And while there may have been some gems over the course I would say 90% of what I “heard”, “felt”, “saw” was a lie or false. My concern moving forward is how this “voice” or entity has influenced my interactions with people by intercepting or interjecting into a conversation. So for instance; 

Friend: I love apples and lemon

Entity Interjection: I just had raspberries. (What I hear)

Me: Oh I love raspberries! Did you get the raspberries from the farmers market?

Friend: No, but I did get a bag of apples. 

This is just an example there are many other ways this has happened. But the idea is that this slight change in the conversation can get confusing and or escalate a conversation. Change the reality of what’s going on and change the course. Second and Third guessing is exhausting. 

I can’t give my experience a name other than an “entity” because  it is a combination of many different beliefs and experience or more specifically the inability to pin point just one. While most others seem to be one school of thought.

There is no definite truth for me…  At least one that I know yet. Rather seeing the commonalities between experiences and belief systems, which is something I’ve done since I was like 5 or 7. But again…. That is not to say I’m right. My only truth is that God is real. How that looks or is…. I don’t have any answers. 

In a way, if I believe in God then I must accept that God knew/knows this is happening to me …. That I’m low key loosing my mind and finding my faith. 

And while I’m taking meds, firming my faith and trying to “understand”/ better myself, I’m having a hard time fully identifying as a schizophrenic for the above reasons as well as reasons stated in this blog. 


2 thoughts on “Schizophrenia (pt2)

  1. You seem to be going through a lot.While reading through your blog,I pondered on the right word to comfort you,but I seem to find money.I do hope and pray find freedom from all elements disturbing your peaceful of mind.


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