I want to figure it out!!!

I actually want to know how I do not have control over my mind, emotions and body currently. 

I mean yes I do…. I can get up for the most part, I can realize when a “thought” or “feeling” is being “planted”. I do have choice ……  sometimes….

But how the fuck is this even happening? 

How can something even have access to my thoughts? How can something plant something there? (You run with it or you don’t)  How can something make me see things I’ve never seen, that aren’t mine? 

How can something send tingles up my leg, burns, pressure on my head, thumping on my chest, jolting me out of my sleep, putting me to sleep? How can I smell scents that are not there? See flashes and sparkles, some times strikes that are not “real”? 

I remember when I was younger people would say when your ears ring it means someone is thinking about you…. And you say the letter of the alphabet until it stops to find out who it is. My ears are ringing constantly! 

How can something make me drunk on love? And fear in my heart, anger… Pain… False… And random? 

How does it split in two? Seemingly.

How can something “talk” to me all day and it not be there? How can something lie to me all day? Nameless? 

I want to know how and why and what…… equally as I want it gone. I think that’s natural. But I’m willing to give up my curiosity for freedom from this thing. 

8 thoughts on “I want to figure it out!!!

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  1. Kundalini and sczitzophrenia are nearly identical in some important ways—have you considered working with kundalini to release blocked emotional energy to see if it quiets the voices? I sense all the voices are is blocked emotional energy that the dopamine overload from sczitzophrenia does to create a more vivid experience of them through the hallucinations. Who knows, you might be able to help others in the same situation.

    I have studied the physiology of kundalini and what I found was that dopamine was driving my experience. So I tried to find examples of a negative in order to see if my theory or observations were right. When I looked up dopamine-based disease or conditions what did I find? Sczitzophrenia. So as I see this I stumble across a dating site for schizophrenics completely by accident. I mean, it came up almost like the universe wanted me to see it because I wasn’t doing a Google search, it just came up. Weird. BUT the discussion in the chat or forum was VERY interesting because they were all comparing notes about what happens when they stop taking their medication. One guy said the two weeks before his psychotic break he found was IDENTICAL to kundalini. In fact, he described an experience he had that was identical to an early awakening experience I had! But see, I’m not sczitzophrenic, so kundalini is the elephant in the room, here.

    I tried to get someone in the medical field to take this and run with it, but no one has yet.

    Do you see what I’m saying? Have you considered following pranayama or kundalini yoga as ways to help clear the blocks which are most likely the source of the voices? Maybe it could lead to a quieter experience that is less nerve-racking?

    There are lots of natural and safe ways to help release the stored energy, some is related to movement, but yoga lije I described is designed to help.

    I hope you can figure it out! Very best of luck!!


    1. I would love to help you with the research. When I was first coming into the twin flame concept I wanted to research it as well (though I also used it as painful inspiration). I was like how are all these people experiencing this? Why? What are the commonalities? Cause it seemed to be people from all walks of life. I’m better at days than I am with writing ( as you can see πŸ˜›) but if you ever want help or Skype about it let me know. I have more free time than I’m comfortable with.


      1. I did go to healing sessions. Things have calmed down but they were naturally. However I still hear the cognitive voice that tells the future. Emotionally old baggage (childhood) … I firmly know where I stand… Politics, faith, I firmly know where I stand with out being rigid. But this experience itself is now new baggage of sorts…. Which I have to heal from because it was tied to a sexual, romantic relationship….. So I gotta little more trust issues and a little bit on guard.


      2. I would be interested to know what your observations are of how your healing work impacts the voices over time, or other changes you observe.

        With kundalini and it’s healing potential so closely tied to sczitzophrenia, I think there is the possibility of finding a way to lessen the effects of the disease in ways that involve less chemistry (possibly).

        I understand how the experience could bring up new issues along the way, and I wish you all the best in working through them. I would very much like to be kept posted on your observations (maybe in your posts?) because of the healing potential this has for a segment of the population who is dealing with the challenge of dopamine excess.


      3. I understand. It would be great to know how your progress affects voices or the inner talk, mostly because of the potential linkage that kundalini has with healing and how I suspect kundalini and sczitzophrenia may be linked or related chemically. Maybe in your posts? I wish you all the best in your work!


      4. I understand. Maybe you could share your observations in your posts about how healing has helped or impacted the voice over time. I suspect it may point to a way for people to potentially lessen dependence on the drugs used IF what I suspect is the case concerning how I think kundalini and sczitzophrenia may be linked. All my best to you in your work!


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