December 18

The entities voice is still “quiet”

Said the same things it always says all day. But also there some moments of silence which was a first, ears still ring, still felt the pressure on my head and know it/he is still here. He tried to get himself hyped +angry) a few times but I said chill out. 

I started fasting … slowly. Still drank coffee …and smoked cigarettes but moving on to water only. 

I also started looking at natural beauty videos and made a list of foods and stuff I want to make sure I consume. That made me feel good. 

I was talking to an artist friend and decides to make a website for him. I made one in about 5 hours that I am proud of and made me happy though there will need to be adjustments made. But I enjoyed…. The quick fix for creativity. 

The entity gave his opinion on aesthetic while I was making the website. Also said he liked it. Which is also a first. But still tried to make me think of my ex (which is completely unrelated) and his normal “die of child molestation”, “lord have mercy” (mom) thrown in there. 

As I finally laid down…the entity tried to convince me that he loved me. 

I didn’t believe him and told him to go away. I was laying down and felt the waves of tingles up my legs …. I asked him to stop. He was trying to arouse me again. 

I resisted and went to have a cigarette. As I was laying down again I got the visuals of random people again. Although I’m not scared…. I still hate the “visuals” because I’m never sure if he will turn them violent or sexual or both. 

Yea so… I’m not even sure where I am emotionally…. Or on this “journey” or experience. I’m not who I use to be…. I’m not who , what or where I want to be… And I know that this entity is still here. Just don’t know why…

But I will always want this thing gone completely…. That’s the first step. 

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