I looked at a photo from in in March of this year and one from a few days ago and I look completely different. My eyes… My skin… My energy. ..
I have been enduring this experience with this “entity”, in hopes that it would go away…. Leave my life and never come back.
The last few days I have been realizing what I have been dealing with over the course of the year…. Both my external environment and “internal” … Personal… And I honestly can’t believe this in my reality.
Anything that was good would go. .. Right?
I just can’t believe I have to hear my ex’s name over a 150 a day…. That I have to be taunted, degraded…. That something is doing things (burning genitals…. Pressure on head ect) to my body THAT I WANT TO STOP….. And I can’t stop it….. That I can’t stop this voice this … “Entity” from talking.. .. That it won’t leave even though I demand so every hour…..of every day….. That I have visions…. That I do not want to see…. That my own creativity in all levels are being blocked….
I can’t believe this is….. And what was my reality.
The entity…. Gave a “strong suggestion” for me to kill myself a few moments ago.
And I know I don’t want to…. That I won’t.
I’m tired…. I never imagined my life being held down on pause …. Unable to move….. Petrified…. I’ve gone through some shit.. .. I I can’t seem to escape this…. I can’t see or touch… But it sees and touched me …. I won’t leave me. And I want it gone….
I’m tired…. Of defending myself and trying to preserve myself or who I think myself to be…. But this is not it. . not just because I’m in a different environment. .. But because I can barely have thoughts of my own …. I don’t have space to think… Or not to think at all…
Almost every moment of the day is being spent say hearing shit I don’t want to hear…. Responding;
“Leave my life forever now”
I am tired….. Exhausted…. Not sleepy…. Exhausted.. . I want myself back… I want this thing gone…..
I have no idea what’s going on…..
I’m trying to figure it out. But there is no point. I just want this bullshit to end now.